~Lewis B. Smedes~
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
~Carl Gustav Jung~
I said it all here. Now I'm off to try and make a better day than yesterday.
Peace ~
Today I'm grateful for:
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Friday, June 18, 2010
Day 169 - Forgiveness and Judgment
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
~Lewis B. Smedes~
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
~Carl Gustav Jung~
~Lewis B. Smedes~
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
~Carl Gustav Jung~
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Day 160 - Weak and Vulnerable
“There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.”
~M. Scott Peck~
~M. Scott Peck~
My Community
I'm keeping it short today. *gasp* I know right? Well, I just sent off a VERY long winded email to 5 of my "community" and in it I poured my heart and soul. I'm left feeling weak and vulnerable. What do you do when you feel vulnerable? You pull in and revert to what's safe and familiar. For me, that's my list. So let's get on with it shall we?
Today I'm grateful for:
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Day 152 - I know that I know that I know
"Even though I worry and get anxious about all the unknowns, I do know that my God has already seen the other side of it and he'll get me there."
~Judy King~
I need to ask for your prayers yet again. My latest blood work and CT scan have shown a slight progression of the cancer in my lungs, so we need to begin chemo again. It's a little discouraging to know that we really haven't made a dent in the tumors since they were first discovered back in February of 2009. Each time we stop the chemo they grow back, and now they are larger than ever before.
Thankfully, I've had a long break this time and have regained much of my strength in order to keep fighting. I've made plans to return to Rhode Island for about two weeks and just hang out with my family - on the beach as much as possible! We'll begin treatments as soon as I get back. This time we'll try something different - pills instead of infusions. I will be taking about 6 pills a day for 8-10 days. Then I'll have a week to ten days off before starting again.
This will go on indefinitely. We'll keep track of things through monthly blood work and regular scans. If there is improvement, we can modify the treatments. If there's no improvement, we keep going as long as necessary. The type of chemo that I'll be taking is typically easier to handle physically than what I was on before, so that is a blessing. I should be able to keep working, though tiredness will be a factor. Another blessing is that I'll be able to get quite a bit of it done over the summer, so I'll have a pretty good idea how my body is reacting to it before school starts again in August. There's a song that we sing in our chapels at school that starts out like this, "I know that I know that I know that only the Lord is God. I know that I know that I know that He is in control and I am not!". Even though I worry and get anxious about all the unknowns, I do know that my God has already seen the other side of it and he'll get me there.
I love you all and thank you so much for your prayers.
Judy
Today I'm grateful for:
~Judy King~
My cousin Judy is on my mind again. I find it interesting how, after years of neglect, I've rediscovered my cousins. I have not been close to any of my cousins since childhood. There was no fight, fallout, or painful disconnect. It was just life drifting us apart. Now, after more than 30 years, I value them, love them, miss them, need them and want to connect and stay connected. Yet several of them are in crisis. Only on the verge of losing them, have I placed value in them. *sighs* It's such a....human thing to do.
I received another update from my cousin Judy. If you're a long time stalker, you now all about her. If your not, then I hope you find what I find in her updates. Each time I read her updates I am humbled and awed by her bravery and faith and I am inspired to continue my own journey. When I think I have it bad, I reread one of her updates and I'm reminded just how blessed my life has been.
I ask you my loyal stalkers, my random passers by and my curious trolls, please pray for my cousins. I'll admit to being selfish. I only just got them back.
Good morning!
Thankfully, I've had a long break this time and have regained much of my strength in order to keep fighting. I've made plans to return to Rhode Island for about two weeks and just hang out with my family - on the beach as much as possible! We'll begin treatments as soon as I get back. This time we'll try something different - pills instead of infusions. I will be taking about 6 pills a day for 8-10 days. Then I'll have a week to ten days off before starting again.
This will go on indefinitely. We'll keep track of things through monthly blood work and regular scans. If there is improvement, we can modify the treatments. If there's no improvement, we keep going as long as necessary. The type of chemo that I'll be taking is typically easier to handle physically than what I was on before, so that is a blessing. I should be able to keep working, though tiredness will be a factor. Another blessing is that I'll be able to get quite a bit of it done over the summer, so I'll have a pretty good idea how my body is reacting to it before school starts again in August. There's a song that we sing in our chapels at school that starts out like this, "I know that I know that I know that only the Lord is God. I know that I know that I know that He is in control and I am not!". Even though I worry and get anxious about all the unknowns, I do know that my God has already seen the other side of it and he'll get me there.
I love you all and thank you so much for your prayers.
Judy
Today I'm grateful for:
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Day 149 - Color Outside the Box
“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”
~Leo F. Buscaglia~
~Leo F. Buscaglia~
I've been trying for a long time now to break free. To remove the chains of fear and embarrassment, of anger and resentment and live. I've made progress but I'm still not where I want to be.
My goal is to grow backwards. To embrace the child within me. To nurture her and let her play. Long ago she was put in a box, her only toy a black crayon. For a long time I spent a lot of time and emotion trying to figure out how she got into the box, who put her into the box and why she remained in there. I started to heal the day I figured out that none of that mattered. What mattered is letting her out.
Well she's out now. She's still not able to dance like no one is looking but she has traded in her black crayon for a yellow sharpie. She giggles and laughs and cries at Disney movies and when she writes, she writes like she's booty dancing naked in the living room. She's free. She's taking her yellow sharpie and coloring the outside of that box that used to confine her. She is happy.
I am happy and I am free of the box. I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for the progress I've made and stand right here a moment. I want to see where I am, where I've been and where I'm going. From where I stand, it looks pretty damn good.
God has orchestrated this life. Dude, you rock. *kneels, makes odd rock n roll hand gesture and head bangs for Jesus*
Friday, May 14, 2010
Day 134 - The List
and a little extra :)
“Two things I do value a lot, intimacy and the capacity for joy, didn't seem to be on anyone else's list. I felt like the stranger in a strange land, and decided I'd better not marry the natives.”
~Richard Bach~
“Two things I do value a lot, intimacy and the capacity for joy, didn't seem to be on anyone else's list. I felt like the stranger in a strange land, and decided I'd better not marry the natives.”
~Richard Bach~
Today I'm Grateful for:
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Day 82 - Life really is THAT simple
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
~E.F. Schumacher~
Today I'm grateful for:
the ability to know the difference between living simply and simply living.
living simply.
my life. Like everyone else I have my ups and my downs but each night, when I go to bed and say my prayers, no matter how I perceived the day as I was moving thought it, I could say to the Lord "Thank you for this wonderful day" and not be guilty of lying. I've grown enough to see through the haze of perception. I've learned to focus.
knowing I'm not alone. Others out there are light years ahead of me, some are by my side and still others are just beginning to take baby steps on this journey to a positive, fulfilling and grateful life. I'm happy to have the company.
a reversal of judgment. I no longer judge others with perception; I'm working on not judging myself that way. If you're a jerk, I will assume you are being a jerk to ME on THIS occasion. I will not assume you were raised by a back of wild dogs, eat with your feet, pick your nose and have no redeeming value to society. Given the circumstance, I may hit you in the head with the fluffy pillow of hot pinkness, or I may just tell you calmly that you are being a jerk. It all depends on the mood wave of the moment. (Seriously, I've stowed the sporks. Don't look so concerned.)
making it to lunch. Given my light breakfast of yogurt, a banana and a fiber bar, I was sure I'd die from hunger before I made it. Now I dine on 1/2 a wheat bread Peanut butter samich and some "lite" Progresso chicken & Rice soup. Wonder if I'll make it to dinner?
faith. I WILL make it to dinner.
forgiveness. I forgot to say my morning prayers. I know I was forgiven before I ever forgot. Makes me want to say my prayers all the more.
~E.F. Schumacher~
Today I'm grateful for:
the ability to know the difference between living simply and simply living.
living simply.
my life. Like everyone else I have my ups and my downs but each night, when I go to bed and say my prayers, no matter how I perceived the day as I was moving thought it, I could say to the Lord "Thank you for this wonderful day" and not be guilty of lying. I've grown enough to see through the haze of perception. I've learned to focus.
knowing I'm not alone. Others out there are light years ahead of me, some are by my side and still others are just beginning to take baby steps on this journey to a positive, fulfilling and grateful life. I'm happy to have the company.
a reversal of judgment. I no longer judge others with perception; I'm working on not judging myself that way. If you're a jerk, I will assume you are being a jerk to ME on THIS occasion. I will not assume you were raised by a back of wild dogs, eat with your feet, pick your nose and have no redeeming value to society. Given the circumstance, I may hit you in the head with the fluffy pillow of hot pinkness, or I may just tell you calmly that you are being a jerk. It all depends on the mood wave of the moment. (Seriously, I've stowed the sporks. Don't look so concerned.)
making it to lunch. Given my light breakfast of yogurt, a banana and a fiber bar, I was sure I'd die from hunger before I made it. Now I dine on 1/2 a wheat bread Peanut butter samich and some "lite" Progresso chicken & Rice soup. Wonder if I'll make it to dinner?
faith. I WILL make it to dinner.
forgiveness. I forgot to say my morning prayers. I know I was forgiven before I ever forgot. Makes me want to say my prayers all the more.
I love you texts in picuture form. Pixie style.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Day 78 - Back to Basics
I'm wounded and slightly damaged. I think I'm going to take my list back to basics.
Today I'm grateful for:
the ability to fall down the hill, pick myself up and begin again.
talking it out. Like it or not, here is comes.
knowing, with or without, I'll be OK
knowing I'm worth more.
faith. I laid it at God's feet. He will help me carry it the rest of the way.
Chick-fil-a's Yogurt Parfait with Granola & small fruit cup. 240 calories for a good, solid and healthy breakfast. Now THAT'S the way to start the day.
The Secret Life of Bees. I LOVED this movie and it gave me permission to cry. I needed that.
not letting someone else’s issues define me.
being OK with being weak and wounded. I've been praying for humility, this is an answer to my prayer.
quotes. It's like legal plagiarism: “If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.” ~Mary Pickford~
Today I'm grateful for:
the ability to fall down the hill, pick myself up and begin again.
talking it out. Like it or not, here is comes.
knowing, with or without, I'll be OK
knowing I'm worth more.
faith. I laid it at God's feet. He will help me carry it the rest of the way.
Chick-fil-a's Yogurt Parfait with Granola & small fruit cup. 240 calories for a good, solid and healthy breakfast. Now THAT'S the way to start the day.
The Secret Life of Bees. I LOVED this movie and it gave me permission to cry. I needed that.
not letting someone else’s issues define me.
being OK with being weak and wounded. I've been praying for humility, this is an answer to my prayer.
quotes. It's like legal plagiarism: “If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.” ~Mary Pickford~
Faith that I can once again be
the Superheor of my own creation
Monday, February 8, 2010
Day 39 - Corrigendum
Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing ~Randy K. Milholland~
God's tenacity.
signs from the universe. I may not always like what they have to say, but it's always interesting hearing them, and in such creative ways too.
Valentines dinner plans with a prince in chocolate brown. I do indeed, again.
faith. I have it though I'm still lacking the ability to take the first step.
my little dog. He rocks and though he was rather scared, he conquered his fear and kept me company on the new treadmill. Which I named Herman but the way.
the new treadmill. I've got the flue, I feel like crap by my little dog needs a walk and so do I. Walking/riding is my non-chemical mood stabilizer. Herman is awesome and very unbeast like. Once I feel better, I'm gonna give this a go. We will see if my knee holds out. Since I started exercising regularly I have not had to ware my knee brace. That says something...
Poohisms: “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
my book. No one has bought a copy, Oprah has not called, it's chocked full of Corrigendum’s, but I can say, in earnest and with complete honesty "I wrote a book". That's enough for me. BUT one day, Oprah WILL call. Perhaps once I remove all the corrigendum’s...
******
Today I'm grateful for:
signs from the universe. I may not always like what they have to say, but it's always interesting hearing them, and in such creative ways too.
Valentines dinner plans with a prince in chocolate brown. I do indeed, again.
faith. I have it though I'm still lacking the ability to take the first step.
my little dog. He rocks and though he was rather scared, he conquered his fear and kept me company on the new treadmill. Which I named Herman but the way.
the new treadmill. I've got the flue, I feel like crap by my little dog needs a walk and so do I. Walking/riding is my non-chemical mood stabilizer. Herman is awesome and very unbeast like. Once I feel better, I'm gonna give this a go. We will see if my knee holds out. Since I started exercising regularly I have not had to ware my knee brace. That says something...
Poohisms: “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
my book. No one has bought a copy, Oprah has not called, it's chocked full of Corrigendum’s, but I can say, in earnest and with complete honesty "I wrote a book". That's enough for me. BUT one day, Oprah WILL call. Perhaps once I remove all the corrigendum’s...
******
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Day 30 - Faith in Adventurine
My life is the same today as it was two weeks ago. It is wonderful and fulfilling and adventurous and paradise. Home is my sanctuary, I love my man beyond measure, my garden Pixie is grounded, connected and joyful.
Yet, in my head a storm rages. I hear myself say some things and I cringe. I hear the man, make a reasonable statement and I feel myself roll my eyes and sigh dramatically. I see him check himself and not respond and I feel like crap. I notice the Pixie is clingy and needy. She is desperately trying to get and keep my attention. I know why, she is scared I'm going to check out again.
I am breaking out every trick, tool and cliché so I can just hang on. I know this phase will pass. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I pray, I walk and ride, I drink my water, I practice my gratitude and I fake it till I make it. I know my life rocks, I know I'm happy but I'm unplugged. So, if my list seems a little dry and lackluster, I beg your pardon. Have faith in me, I seem to have missplaced mine.
Today I'm grateful for:
my tools.
knowing it's OK to change my mind.
my husband loves me. Even when I'm hard to love.
the Pixie. She loves me enough to bug the crap out of me.
walks. It was to wet to ride but Roy and I got a good walk in. I leave the house a snarling sporker I come back more tame.
water
music
space
Yet, in my head a storm rages. I hear myself say some things and I cringe. I hear the man, make a reasonable statement and I feel myself roll my eyes and sigh dramatically. I see him check himself and not respond and I feel like crap. I notice the Pixie is clingy and needy. She is desperately trying to get and keep my attention. I know why, she is scared I'm going to check out again.
I am breaking out every trick, tool and cliché so I can just hang on. I know this phase will pass. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I pray, I walk and ride, I drink my water, I practice my gratitude and I fake it till I make it. I know my life rocks, I know I'm happy but I'm unplugged. So, if my list seems a little dry and lackluster, I beg your pardon. Have faith in me, I seem to have missplaced mine.
Today I'm grateful for:
my tools.
knowing it's OK to change my mind.
my husband loves me. Even when I'm hard to love.
the Pixie. She loves me enough to bug the crap out of me.
walks. It was to wet to ride but Roy and I got a good walk in. I leave the house a snarling sporker I come back more tame.
water
music
space
faith in Aventurine.
A beautiful bracelet given to me by my BFF
She rocks
Friday, January 22, 2010
Day 22 - Insparation Lost
“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.” William Barclay
Today's just one of those days where nothing flows. I woke up in a pissy mood and have remained there all day. It didn't help that I had 2 ceiling cave-ins and one freak threatening a lawsuit. Oh, and my annual review was today. *sighs* I'm struggling but I'm determined and I'll do the best I can.
Today I'm grateful for:
determination. I am disconnected from my gratitude but I am determined to try. That's something right?
beautiful days. Today was another picture perfect day in Northern Florida. The boss and I actually got to sit outside at lunch. Nice that.
bike rides. The hamster and I got in a nice, long, hard ride. It helped but I'm sure it did nothing to burn off the burger and fries I had for lunch or the Pizza I had for dinner, or the m&m's I had after that.
Dark Chocolate "special" m&m's. I ate myself sick. I don't freakin care.
FRIDAY
Weekends
shopping for THE dress. I want a dress that will make the man's head explode. Not sure I can pull that off anymore, but I'm gonna try.
a new purse. I'm hitting Goodwill and I'm gonna burn this fake Coach. I'm tired of lookin like a poser.
faith this mood will pass. I WILL shift to the left. In the mean time, I'm going to hold on with grace.
******
Today's just one of those days where nothing flows. I woke up in a pissy mood and have remained there all day. It didn't help that I had 2 ceiling cave-ins and one freak threatening a lawsuit. Oh, and my annual review was today. *sighs* I'm struggling but I'm determined and I'll do the best I can.
Today I'm grateful for:
determination. I am disconnected from my gratitude but I am determined to try. That's something right?
beautiful days. Today was another picture perfect day in Northern Florida. The boss and I actually got to sit outside at lunch. Nice that.
bike rides. The hamster and I got in a nice, long, hard ride. It helped but I'm sure it did nothing to burn off the burger and fries I had for lunch or the Pizza I had for dinner, or the m&m's I had after that.
Dark Chocolate "special" m&m's. I ate myself sick. I don't freakin care.
FRIDAY
Weekends
shopping for THE dress. I want a dress that will make the man's head explode. Not sure I can pull that off anymore, but I'm gonna try.
a new purse. I'm hitting Goodwill and I'm gonna burn this fake Coach. I'm tired of lookin like a poser.
faith this mood will pass. I WILL shift to the left. In the mean time, I'm going to hold on with grace.
******
I didn't take this one, the Pixie did
She has a better eye than I do
She took this one too. She rocks!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Day 21 - Satisfaction with less than perfection
We will NEVER reach perfection. We are just not capable of it. We can get as close as humanly possible but there will always be flaws. Do you obsess about the flaws? Can you see past the flaws, or better yet, do you embrace the flaws and find beauty in the imperfection? Life is brilliant and it is also flawed. Stop pondering if the glass is half empty or half full and see the beauty of the glass and taste the sunshine in the wine.
Today I'm grateful for:
soft lessons. This morning as I left for work I was greeted by a spectacular sunrise. As I was getting into my car I noticed the reflection of this sunrise in the red top of my car. I'm a freak for reflections and I just HAD to get that image captured. Being too lazy to go back into the house to get my rig, I grabbed June's PnS out of my purse and snapped a few shots. In the camera they looks great. Once I pulled them they sucked. I was pissed off and sulking. After a while I just decided that the real gift was the fact that I learned, in the midst of a busy morning, to look up and see the sunrise and look down and see the reflection in my car. I quit whining.
flaws. They are what make is unique and individual. Flaws to some are beauty to others. I am a flawed individual. I'm OK with that. It gives me something to strive for.
coffee. On a morning like, it's what keeps me going.
faith. It chases away the fear. Well, at least most of it. We are in tornado warning till 4PM. I've seen tornados, they freak me the hell out. I don't like them Sam-I-Am. I'm working on releasing the fear, it's going just OK.
the saying "Do your best, let God take care of the rest". It means, get off your ass and DO something to help yourself. If you do, if you use your back and your heart, and your God given scene, God will help you.
knowing that sometimes you just CAN'T help yourself. I give. I give freely and with an untroubled heart. I don't give large, I can't, but I give. I give my attention, my time, my heart and my cash. I don't ask why, I don't judge who, I don't put conditions or justifications on it. I'm grateful I was built that way.
Today I'm grateful for:
soft lessons. This morning as I left for work I was greeted by a spectacular sunrise. As I was getting into my car I noticed the reflection of this sunrise in the red top of my car. I'm a freak for reflections and I just HAD to get that image captured. Being too lazy to go back into the house to get my rig, I grabbed June's PnS out of my purse and snapped a few shots. In the camera they looks great. Once I pulled them they sucked. I was pissed off and sulking. After a while I just decided that the real gift was the fact that I learned, in the midst of a busy morning, to look up and see the sunrise and look down and see the reflection in my car. I quit whining.
flaws. They are what make is unique and individual. Flaws to some are beauty to others. I am a flawed individual. I'm OK with that. It gives me something to strive for.
coffee. On a morning like, it's what keeps me going.
faith. It chases away the fear. Well, at least most of it. We are in tornado warning till 4PM. I've seen tornados, they freak me the hell out. I don't like them Sam-I-Am. I'm working on releasing the fear, it's going just OK.
the saying "Do your best, let God take care of the rest". It means, get off your ass and DO something to help yourself. If you do, if you use your back and your heart, and your God given scene, God will help you.
knowing that sometimes you just CAN'T help yourself. I give. I give freely and with an untroubled heart. I don't give large, I can't, but I give. I give my attention, my time, my heart and my cash. I don't ask why, I don't judge who, I don't put conditions or justifications on it. I'm grateful I was built that way.
******
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Day 6 - It's a great day at Heth Realty, Inc.
This is the 2nd day in a row that is trying to get the better of me. Yesterday did not win, unfortunately today did. I had a meltdown on the poor hamster. The Alien Hamster came face to face with Ms. Shankahamster, I mean Shankabitch. Run Roy! Run!
Due to the extreme cold he puddled and piled very fast but the very idea of having to step out into the predawn Arctic Tundra of my back yard filled me with loathing and dread. Then he decided today would be a good day to not stay in the room with me while I worked out. He knows the rules. Stay in the front of the house where I can see you (well sort-of with no glasses on) or go in the transporter. So, for the first time in nearly a month, my mystery hamster date was Naughty Alien Hamster. I get on the stationary beast and start to peddle, he darts out into the hall. I do my usual call "Pwwwwwt, here Roy" nuthin..."Pwwwwt, Roy! Here! You know the rules!" *sighs* I get off the beast grab a handful of hamster and drop him back on his stage. I give him his sock and Woobie to molest and get back on the bike. NO SOONER had I begun peddling again did that freakin beasty take off down the hall. Another sigh, another groan another 6 "PWWWWWT, DANCE YOUR HAMSTER ASS BACK IN HERE!" the last time I got off the beast to grab the hamster he saw the look in my eye and headed for the hills. 3 laps around my house it took for me to finally catch him and toss him in the transporter so I could finish my work-out.
The rest of the morning was filled with me showering in the walk-in fridge we call a master bath, weighing in at 190.8 lbs, and having a bad hair day. A perfect storm was brewing and the beast within was pickin at her duct tape. The last straw came when I tried to catch the hamster so I could lock him up before work. I reach down, he backs up & squeaks at me. I yell "Come HERE you freakin, freakin, freak!" He hides under the bed. Took nearly 10 minutes for me to get him hands on him and then only after I DOVE at him and the shock of Momma moving that fast stunned him for a split second. Let’s just say the hamster was "uncomfortable" as I carried him to his transporter and I am suffering through a bad case of Hamster Guilt hours after the "Incident". I have GOT to teach that hamster to "Come". We begin tonight!
With meltdown behind me and guilt following me like a little raincloud over my head I am making my way through the rest of my day. There are a few up-sides. Jackson will be born today! *granny booty dances* He will be in his Momma's arms about 2PM today. His Momma's health should improve greatly after his delivery. Confirmation of this is all I need to shift me to the left. Until then, I'll slap an "Approach with caution" sign on my forehead.
Today's photo shoot is in the offices of Heth Realty, Inc. Let's see if I can get anything even mildly interesting from this place. Perhaps if Wilber, Ben and Charlie (you know Charlie was a tuna right Max?) will come out to play. If so, I could get some interesting video to post on YouTube if nothing else.
Today I'm grateful for:
Jackson's healthy arrival.
The Queens health returning
Kelly's heart
30 photographic goals for 2010. Since I like lists so much, I'm stealing this one.
http://digital-photography-school.com/30-photographic-goals-for-2010#more-11609
screwin with the Dr.s office across the street. Seriously, they had it coming. Max started it! It's fun to watch...
lentil soup & Ritz crackers. Nice hot lunch in the southern branch of the frozen tundra. It also means I don't have to go out there.
space heaters. I have a little space heater I named Tuffy. He is under my desk and blowing hot air up my skirt. He and I and I became very close very fast. He and Cleo do NOT get along but with the surge protector as ref, they are maintaining an uneasy truce.
absolute faith that there IS a reason. My girls are not going through this for nothing. I may never know the reason but I KNOW there is one. That's enough for me to find grace and peace. To all those that have prayed for my family and myself, I thank you.
Due to the extreme cold he puddled and piled very fast but the very idea of having to step out into the predawn Arctic Tundra of my back yard filled me with loathing and dread. Then he decided today would be a good day to not stay in the room with me while I worked out. He knows the rules. Stay in the front of the house where I can see you (well sort-of with no glasses on) or go in the transporter. So, for the first time in nearly a month, my mystery hamster date was Naughty Alien Hamster. I get on the stationary beast and start to peddle, he darts out into the hall. I do my usual call "Pwwwwwt, here Roy" nuthin..."Pwwwwt, Roy! Here! You know the rules!" *sighs* I get off the beast grab a handful of hamster and drop him back on his stage. I give him his sock and Woobie to molest and get back on the bike. NO SOONER had I begun peddling again did that freakin beasty take off down the hall. Another sigh, another groan another 6 "PWWWWWT, DANCE YOUR HAMSTER ASS BACK IN HERE!" the last time I got off the beast to grab the hamster he saw the look in my eye and headed for the hills. 3 laps around my house it took for me to finally catch him and toss him in the transporter so I could finish my work-out.
The rest of the morning was filled with me showering in the walk-in fridge we call a master bath, weighing in at 190.8 lbs, and having a bad hair day. A perfect storm was brewing and the beast within was pickin at her duct tape. The last straw came when I tried to catch the hamster so I could lock him up before work. I reach down, he backs up & squeaks at me. I yell "Come HERE you freakin, freakin, freak!" He hides under the bed. Took nearly 10 minutes for me to get him hands on him and then only after I DOVE at him and the shock of Momma moving that fast stunned him for a split second. Let’s just say the hamster was "uncomfortable" as I carried him to his transporter and I am suffering through a bad case of Hamster Guilt hours after the "Incident". I have GOT to teach that hamster to "Come". We begin tonight!
With meltdown behind me and guilt following me like a little raincloud over my head I am making my way through the rest of my day. There are a few up-sides. Jackson will be born today! *granny booty dances* He will be in his Momma's arms about 2PM today. His Momma's health should improve greatly after his delivery. Confirmation of this is all I need to shift me to the left. Until then, I'll slap an "Approach with caution" sign on my forehead.
Today's photo shoot is in the offices of Heth Realty, Inc. Let's see if I can get anything even mildly interesting from this place. Perhaps if Wilber, Ben and Charlie (you know Charlie was a tuna right Max?) will come out to play. If so, I could get some interesting video to post on YouTube if nothing else.
Today I'm grateful for:
Jackson's healthy arrival.
The Queens health returning
Kelly's heart
30 photographic goals for 2010. Since I like lists so much, I'm stealing this one.
http://digital-photography-school.com/30-photographic-goals-for-2010#more-11609
screwin with the Dr.s office across the street. Seriously, they had it coming. Max started it! It's fun to watch...
lentil soup & Ritz crackers. Nice hot lunch in the southern branch of the frozen tundra. It also means I don't have to go out there.
space heaters. I have a little space heater I named Tuffy. He is under my desk and blowing hot air up my skirt. He and I and I became very close very fast. He and Cleo do NOT get along but with the surge protector as ref, they are maintaining an uneasy truce.
absolute faith that there IS a reason. My girls are not going through this for nothing. I may never know the reason but I KNOW there is one. That's enough for me to find grace and peace. To all those that have prayed for my family and myself, I thank you.
Most of today’s are pretty boring "Brochure"
kinda photos but hey, practice is practice right?
I can say "see here, my fotos is in dis fancy dancy thingy here"
This one is way too dark for a brochure but hey, I like it.
It's "moody" like me
OK, so another dark one. I like'm dark!
I'm sure this one is VERY useful in a brochure *nod nod*
Ok, so how's this one?
We support local artists. Check out this up and coming photographer,
Um, her name is Beth Reed if I remember correctly...
OK, so this one is good right?
A little edit, a little clean up, it will be perfect.
Phew! One out of 62 ain't bad.
2 out of 62 :)
This WILL be my office as soon as we can afford a receptionist.
Oh please let that be soon Lord!
One day I will stab this phone with my letter opener.
That will be a nasty payroll deduction :/
3 out of 62?
Monday, January 4, 2010
Day 4 - Sunrise, Sunset
My eldest called me around 9AM this morning. She called me in tears telling me she had just left her Dr.s office and was on her way to the hospital. The Dr. said she had Preeclampsia and it was serious. Jackson may have to be born early. My little girl is scared, she is sick and her baby is in trouble. Where am I? 900 flippin miles away. All I can do is talk to her calmly and tell her to just take it one step at a time. Right now she and the baby were OK. They are giving her steroids to hasten Jackson's lung development and they are trying to delay labor for 24-48 hours to give him a better chance. 3 weeks ago I had 2 healthy daughters both pregnant with sons, both due in the first week of March. Now I'm scared not only for the safety of my one remaining grandson but of my daughter as well. All I can do is pray. I feel about as useful as earrings on a boar hog. "Lord, I know you have a plan. Help me, help my girls. Please"
************************************************
OMD, OMD, OMD! 20° is to freakin cold for Iceland never mind FLORIDA! Oh, and they are using the "S" word, as in, a chance for on Thursday. Are you freaking kidding me? All hamster walkies have been indefinitely delayed until temperatures return to a resonable 50°. Oh, and to you here in FL, you know who you are, YOU the ones whining that it was to cold when it was in the 60°? I blame this on you. You pissed the universe off. It said "Oh, you think this is cold do you? Well try this on for size."
*breathes deep*
OK, I'm done. I feel better. So, this morning started out with a very brisk hamster walk. He puddled and piled in .382 seconds and headed in for his warm blankie. Instead of putting on a show he crawled into the transporter and buried himself under his blankie till all I could see was one ear and a bit of tail. No show for my work out this morning. *sighs* Oh well. Can't say I blame him much. I'd be in there too were I him.
Oh, yeah, I mentioned how cold it was right? Well didn't ya know, I chose THIS morning to do a sunrise photo shoot on the St. Johns River. You see, each morning when I drive to work I turn left off of Park St. onto Stockton St. which faces directly into the St. Johns. Only 3 blocks and it dead ends right at a sea wall. For (almost) exactly 1 year I have been taking that drive and pondering "I bet the sunrise is beautiful there" Since today is technically my 1 year anniversary with Heth Realty, Inc. (yes, it's a great day at Heth Realty) I chose THIS morning, the COLDEST morning on RECORD to find out. Mind you, I'm dressed for work. So, in my tights, scort and rocker tee, buried deep within my oversized bomber jacket I park my car illegally and spend nearly 40 minutes shivering to get these photos. Yeah, I think it was worth it. The chilled fruits of my frozen labor are today's photos.
Today is the first Monday of the new year, it's the first of the month, and it's go live for our new software. Nuff said about my work day. Oh, and we can just pretend that the Pixie was NOT out at the bus stop for nearly 30 minutes in this freaking cold ass weather when school does not return TILL WEDNESDAY! I'm such a good mom. I know how to read a school calendar and everything. *puts self in time-out* Poor Frozen Pixie!
Oh, Oh, AND did I mention that Kelly's "New to her" car died. In my driveway. I'm really wondering if that kid can catch a break. Soon.
Today I'm grateful for:
Today being over.
no news. No news is good new right?
Kelly flying out to be with her sister. Given her recent loss all I can say is, I hope I can be like her when I grow up.
Lisa sounding OK the last time we talked. I know she is scared and sick and wanting her Momma but she put on a brave face for me. I hope I can continue to do the same for her.
faith. Jackson will arrive early but he will stay long. I WILL get the chance to steal his affections.
sunrise photos. As cold as I was, there was something about watching the sun rise on the St. Johns. It was transformative. Or part of my brain just froze and fell off. Not sure which. To see all of todays shoot click here.
being a rebel. I parked illegally. My bad! *moon walks and sings "Smooth Criminal"* See! Here's proof!
sunset photos. As I was walking the hamster in my back yard I look up and see the sun setting behind these two really cool trees. I had enough time to get my equipment, set it all up and shoot a few rounds. They are not as good as the sunrise but they are lovely. My slice of paradise rocks. Even with vile sub-60° temps.
prayer. The amount of people praying for Lisa is astounding. I am humbled and grateful.
a call from my pastor. It was a personal touch and I am tremendously grateful.
weighing in at 191.2 still up but at least back to going in the right direction.
my list. As always, it restores me.
************************************************
OMD, OMD, OMD! 20° is to freakin cold for Iceland never mind FLORIDA! Oh, and they are using the "S" word, as in, a chance for on Thursday. Are you freaking kidding me? All hamster walkies have been indefinitely delayed until temperatures return to a resonable 50°. Oh, and to you here in FL, you know who you are, YOU the ones whining that it was to cold when it was in the 60°? I blame this on you. You pissed the universe off. It said "Oh, you think this is cold do you? Well try this on for size."
*breathes deep*
OK, I'm done. I feel better. So, this morning started out with a very brisk hamster walk. He puddled and piled in .382 seconds and headed in for his warm blankie. Instead of putting on a show he crawled into the transporter and buried himself under his blankie till all I could see was one ear and a bit of tail. No show for my work out this morning. *sighs* Oh well. Can't say I blame him much. I'd be in there too were I him.
Oh, yeah, I mentioned how cold it was right? Well didn't ya know, I chose THIS morning to do a sunrise photo shoot on the St. Johns River. You see, each morning when I drive to work I turn left off of Park St. onto Stockton St. which faces directly into the St. Johns. Only 3 blocks and it dead ends right at a sea wall. For (almost) exactly 1 year I have been taking that drive and pondering "I bet the sunrise is beautiful there" Since today is technically my 1 year anniversary with Heth Realty, Inc. (yes, it's a great day at Heth Realty) I chose THIS morning, the COLDEST morning on RECORD to find out. Mind you, I'm dressed for work. So, in my tights, scort and rocker tee, buried deep within my oversized bomber jacket I park my car illegally and spend nearly 40 minutes shivering to get these photos. Yeah, I think it was worth it. The chilled fruits of my frozen labor are today's photos.
Today is the first Monday of the new year, it's the first of the month, and it's go live for our new software. Nuff said about my work day. Oh, and we can just pretend that the Pixie was NOT out at the bus stop for nearly 30 minutes in this freaking cold ass weather when school does not return TILL WEDNESDAY! I'm such a good mom. I know how to read a school calendar and everything. *puts self in time-out* Poor Frozen Pixie!
Oh, Oh, AND did I mention that Kelly's "New to her" car died. In my driveway. I'm really wondering if that kid can catch a break. Soon.
Today I'm grateful for:
Today being over.
no news. No news is good new right?
Kelly flying out to be with her sister. Given her recent loss all I can say is, I hope I can be like her when I grow up.
Lisa sounding OK the last time we talked. I know she is scared and sick and wanting her Momma but she put on a brave face for me. I hope I can continue to do the same for her.
faith. Jackson will arrive early but he will stay long. I WILL get the chance to steal his affections.
sunrise photos. As cold as I was, there was something about watching the sun rise on the St. Johns. It was transformative. Or part of my brain just froze and fell off. Not sure which. To see all of todays shoot click here.
being a rebel. I parked illegally. My bad! *moon walks and sings "Smooth Criminal"* See! Here's proof!
sunset photos. As I was walking the hamster in my back yard I look up and see the sun setting behind these two really cool trees. I had enough time to get my equipment, set it all up and shoot a few rounds. They are not as good as the sunrise but they are lovely. My slice of paradise rocks. Even with vile sub-60° temps.
prayer. The amount of people praying for Lisa is astounding. I am humbled and grateful.
a call from my pastor. It was a personal touch and I am tremendously grateful.
weighing in at 191.2 still up but at least back to going in the right direction.
my list. As always, it restores me.
Sunrise at the St. Johns River
And another.
OK, just one more...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday Gratitude
This morning I blew off my morning work-out, soaked in a hot tub and watched a production of "Hamster does chicken". How awesome was my morning?
Today I'm grateful for:
discovering the healing power of gratitude. It changed my life and worth a repeat.
faith. This morning I had to remind myself "With God all things are possible" "I" can't fix it or change it or stop it. All I can do is pray "Thy will be done" and hang on. I fear, I fret but I have faith and I'm working on letting it go. I have to take my own advice and only deal with what I have power over. *takes a deep breath* I leave it in your hands Lord. Forgive me if I keep trying to take it back.
peace. My life is peaceful now. I look forward to coming home and when I get there, the worst thing I have to complain about is the Pixie forgetting to take out the trash and hamster poop. Our life used to be a warzone. The man and I dreaded going home. Landmines, traps and drama awaited us on the other side of our own front door. While I can look back on those years, from the safe distance of time and remember the good, I must recognize the bad. Recognizing the bad keeps me from repeating past mistakes and makes me grateful for today.
discovering the beauty and adventure in the mundane. I've had this on my list several times before but it's a biggie. If you can see the beauty and adventure in the everyday then it never gets old, the love stays fresh and life remains basked in yellow. I'd say it's worth a repeat.
staying true to my limits. I've marked my boundaries. "I" have moved them from time to time but I have not allowed others to cross them......*sighs* OK, so I've gotten better at it. This is on my "things to do" list.
lists. I am a HUGE maker of list. If you haven't guessed. I make lists for everything. To do lists, have done lists, women I'd do lists, things I'm OK with being wrong about list, goal list, gratitude lists and so many more. I love lists. They energize me, organize me, praise me and validate me. Lists are my tool to keep the OCD at bay. My life would be lacking without my lists. The best thing about my lists is that they support my life not overshadow or consume it. Took a shrink, and orc and a lot of hard work for that balance to be struck.
the hamster. Every morning I can count on him doing SOMETHING to make me laugh. This morning Hamster Productions put on a porno. Looks like he and the chicken must have made up after their fight yesterday. All I can say is that my bike will be relieved to hear of this new relationship.
my bike. It's colder than a witch's tata in a brass bra in January but I still enjoyed my bike ride last night. Roxie, Roy and I are braving the cold for a little healthy exercise.
Lilly. I'm not sure if she has a better equalizer or if they've improved the audio on the gen. 5 iPods or what but there is a NOTACALE increase in sound quality. I am using the same head phones and the same car audio system but the sound is 100 X better. *shrugs* It could be all in my head. It's been known to happen.
proper goodbye hugs. I just LOVE it when I can give the man a real goodbye hug and smooch. Normally I'm on the stationary beast and it's no more than a quick peck. This morning I got a two arm, burry my face in his neck, morning man smell hug. Total awesomeness that.
Vet appointments for the hamster. He's developed a cough and it's freaking me out. I'll take him to the Vet tonight and the Vet will tell me I'm acting like a first time mother and that he's fine. Seriously, the hamsters cough makes him sound like a pack a day smoker. It's freaking me out.
Today I'm grateful for:
discovering the healing power of gratitude. It changed my life and worth a repeat.
faith. This morning I had to remind myself "With God all things are possible" "I" can't fix it or change it or stop it. All I can do is pray "Thy will be done" and hang on. I fear, I fret but I have faith and I'm working on letting it go. I have to take my own advice and only deal with what I have power over. *takes a deep breath* I leave it in your hands Lord. Forgive me if I keep trying to take it back.
peace. My life is peaceful now. I look forward to coming home and when I get there, the worst thing I have to complain about is the Pixie forgetting to take out the trash and hamster poop. Our life used to be a warzone. The man and I dreaded going home. Landmines, traps and drama awaited us on the other side of our own front door. While I can look back on those years, from the safe distance of time and remember the good, I must recognize the bad. Recognizing the bad keeps me from repeating past mistakes and makes me grateful for today.
discovering the beauty and adventure in the mundane. I've had this on my list several times before but it's a biggie. If you can see the beauty and adventure in the everyday then it never gets old, the love stays fresh and life remains basked in yellow. I'd say it's worth a repeat.
staying true to my limits. I've marked my boundaries. "I" have moved them from time to time but I have not allowed others to cross them......*sighs* OK, so I've gotten better at it. This is on my "things to do" list.
lists. I am a HUGE maker of list. If you haven't guessed. I make lists for everything. To do lists, have done lists, women I'd do lists, things I'm OK with being wrong about list, goal list, gratitude lists and so many more. I love lists. They energize me, organize me, praise me and validate me. Lists are my tool to keep the OCD at bay. My life would be lacking without my lists. The best thing about my lists is that they support my life not overshadow or consume it. Took a shrink, and orc and a lot of hard work for that balance to be struck.
the hamster. Every morning I can count on him doing SOMETHING to make me laugh. This morning Hamster Productions put on a porno. Looks like he and the chicken must have made up after their fight yesterday. All I can say is that my bike will be relieved to hear of this new relationship.
my bike. It's colder than a witch's tata in a brass bra in January but I still enjoyed my bike ride last night. Roxie, Roy and I are braving the cold for a little healthy exercise.
Lilly. I'm not sure if she has a better equalizer or if they've improved the audio on the gen. 5 iPods or what but there is a NOTACALE increase in sound quality. I am using the same head phones and the same car audio system but the sound is 100 X better. *shrugs* It could be all in my head. It's been known to happen.
proper goodbye hugs. I just LOVE it when I can give the man a real goodbye hug and smooch. Normally I'm on the stationary beast and it's no more than a quick peck. This morning I got a two arm, burry my face in his neck, morning man smell hug. Total awesomeness that.
Vet appointments for the hamster. He's developed a cough and it's freaking me out. I'll take him to the Vet tonight and the Vet will tell me I'm acting like a first time mother and that he's fine. Seriously, the hamsters cough makes him sound like a pack a day smoker. It's freaking me out.
Shhhhh, be vewy, vewy, qwiet...
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday Gratitude
Yesterday was a trial. I struggled every moment of the entire 24 hours just to not spork random strangers. I let frustration take hold of me and I could not shake it's grasp. Even this morning I woke pretty frustrated but finally managed to shake it, sort of. Thanks to Sundays and church.
Today I'm grateful for:
Sundays and their ability to make what's wrong right.
Kidstuff. My church rocks. Literally.
Pastor Ken trying to explain bogies and birdies to the Pre-K set. It was hilarious.
patience. When the battery on my camera died after taking the FIRST photo at church, I did not throw it on the floor of the sanctuary and jump up and down on it in search of the satisfying "Crunch" I just put it away.
days I struggle. They make the good days noticeably better.
patience. I still don't have any but God keeps testing me. Perhaps one day I'll "get" it. I'm grateful God has not given up on me yet.
the BFF's got her Mommy. I'm glad she has arms to hug her and a shoulder to lean on. I'm glad she got to come to church with us too.
prayers for the BFF. LOTS of people are saying prayers for a successful and safe surgery. You can never have too many prayers.
yummy banana bread. Damn I'm a good cook.
Tonight is breakfast for dinner and "Aliens in the Attic". It's gonna be a yummy, funny, family night.
faith in myself. The skinny Granny assures me I will survive Wednesday's water fast and 6 days of a raw detox. Skinny Granny is hot so I know I can trust her.
faith in God. I believe in him, he believes in me.
faith in tomorrow. It will arrive and be better than today. Even if it's Monday.
Today I'm grateful for:
Sundays and their ability to make what's wrong right.
Kidstuff. My church rocks. Literally.
Pastor Ken trying to explain bogies and birdies to the Pre-K set. It was hilarious.
patience. When the battery on my camera died after taking the FIRST photo at church, I did not throw it on the floor of the sanctuary and jump up and down on it in search of the satisfying "Crunch" I just put it away.
days I struggle. They make the good days noticeably better.
patience. I still don't have any but God keeps testing me. Perhaps one day I'll "get" it. I'm grateful God has not given up on me yet.
the BFF's got her Mommy. I'm glad she has arms to hug her and a shoulder to lean on. I'm glad she got to come to church with us too.
prayers for the BFF. LOTS of people are saying prayers for a successful and safe surgery. You can never have too many prayers.
yummy banana bread. Damn I'm a good cook.
Tonight is breakfast for dinner and "Aliens in the Attic". It's gonna be a yummy, funny, family night.
faith in myself. The skinny Granny assures me I will survive Wednesday's water fast and 6 days of a raw detox. Skinny Granny is hot so I know I can trust her.
faith in God. I believe in him, he believes in me.
faith in tomorrow. It will arrive and be better than today. Even if it's Monday.
Not my church, but a pretty church none the less.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Sunday Gratitude
Today I'm grateful for:
Sundays. In case you don't know, I LOVE Sundays.
putting feet to my faith
giving God the top, the best, the first, the credit
getting it.
confidence. All of a sudden I am less afraid, less stressed, less doubtful. I know I can and will do it. One step at a time. I have left the baby steps behind, now I'm walking like a big girl. Oooo spiffy
being spiffy. You may call me Spiffy if you like. When the man get's me my puppy, I may name it Spiffy. Today's word of the day? You guessed it....Spiffy
Today's Poohism: “You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count.” Pooh said this just for me. I know he did.
being soft and open. Last week I struggled and thought perhaps being so was a bad thing. It's not. I am easily touched, easily moved and easily brought to tears. This is due to a new heart. Life and Time will toughen it up and someday, I'll look back and say "I wish I was that soft again" So, I've decided to look back and embrace it now. Why wait till it's gone? Seems a very un-Pooh thing to do.
Puppies. What? I'm just sayin...
a working camera. My camera worked brilliantly last night and I got some great shots. Lots of noise and specks in the photos but nothing my digital darkroom can't remove. Sometimes it's hard to remember that it's not about the equipment but about the photographer. DSLR's are so bright, shiny and pretty but my little old coolpix rocks. The shutterbug has been well fed. Hmmmm, I just realized my camera has no name. We can't have that now can we? I'll get the Pixie working on it. She comes up with the most brilliant names.
chili, cornbread and carrot cake. Not bad for a last meal. Tonight we dine for tomorrow I die....t
the stationary beast. I'm looking forward to getting this show on the road.
the man. Last night I was sitting at the table with 3 hot young women and all I could talk about was my man. It's true, I admit it, I am nauseatingly in love. He makes me want to be a better yellow crayon
book 1. I have not made a dime but the stories I've been told about what it's done is beyond anything I could have hoped for. God works in amazing and wondrous ways.
book 2 brewing.
Sundays. In case you don't know, I LOVE Sundays.
putting feet to my faith
giving God the top, the best, the first, the credit
getting it.
confidence. All of a sudden I am less afraid, less stressed, less doubtful. I know I can and will do it. One step at a time. I have left the baby steps behind, now I'm walking like a big girl. Oooo spiffy
being spiffy. You may call me Spiffy if you like. When the man get's me my puppy, I may name it Spiffy. Today's word of the day? You guessed it....Spiffy
Today's Poohism: “You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right; but spelling isn't everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn't count.” Pooh said this just for me. I know he did.
being soft and open. Last week I struggled and thought perhaps being so was a bad thing. It's not. I am easily touched, easily moved and easily brought to tears. This is due to a new heart. Life and Time will toughen it up and someday, I'll look back and say "I wish I was that soft again" So, I've decided to look back and embrace it now. Why wait till it's gone? Seems a very un-Pooh thing to do.
Puppies. What? I'm just sayin...
a working camera. My camera worked brilliantly last night and I got some great shots. Lots of noise and specks in the photos but nothing my digital darkroom can't remove. Sometimes it's hard to remember that it's not about the equipment but about the photographer. DSLR's are so bright, shiny and pretty but my little old coolpix rocks. The shutterbug has been well fed. Hmmmm, I just realized my camera has no name. We can't have that now can we? I'll get the Pixie working on it. She comes up with the most brilliant names.
chili, cornbread and carrot cake. Not bad for a last meal. Tonight we dine for tomorrow I die....t
the stationary beast. I'm looking forward to getting this show on the road.
the man. Last night I was sitting at the table with 3 hot young women and all I could talk about was my man. It's true, I admit it, I am nauseatingly in love. He makes me want to be a better yellow crayon
book 1. I have not made a dime but the stories I've been told about what it's done is beyond anything I could have hoped for. God works in amazing and wondrous ways.
book 2 brewing.
From last nights Shoot. After spending hours cleaning up the noise, it turned out to be well worth it.
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