Yet, in my head a storm rages. I hear myself say some things and I cringe. I hear the man, make a reasonable statement and I feel myself roll my eyes and sigh dramatically. I see him check himself and not respond and I feel like crap. I notice the Pixie is clingy and needy. She is desperately trying to get and keep my attention. I know why, she is scared I'm going to check out again.
I am breaking out every trick, tool and cliché so I can just hang on. I know this phase will pass. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I pray, I walk and ride, I drink my water, I practice my gratitude and I fake it till I make it. I know my life rocks, I know I'm happy but I'm unplugged. So, if my list seems a little dry and lackluster, I beg your pardon. Have faith in me, I seem to have missplaced mine.
Today I'm grateful for:
knowing it's OK to change my mind.
my husband loves me. Even when I'm hard to love.
the Pixie. She loves me enough to bug the crap out of me.
walks. It was to wet to ride but Roy and I got a good walk in. I leave the house a snarling sporker I come back more tame.