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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Day 30 - Faith in Adventurine

My life is the same today as it was two weeks ago. It is wonderful and fulfilling and adventurous and paradise. Home is my sanctuary, I love my man beyond measure, my garden Pixie is grounded, connected and joyful.

Yet, in my head a storm rages. I hear myself say some things and I cringe. I hear the man, make a reasonable statement and I feel myself roll my eyes and sigh dramatically. I see him check himself and not respond and I feel like crap. I notice the Pixie is clingy and needy. She is desperately trying to get and keep my attention. I know why, she is scared I'm going to check out again.

I am breaking out every trick, tool and cliché so I can just hang on. I know this phase will pass. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I pray, I walk and ride, I drink my water, I practice my gratitude and I fake it till I make it. I know my life rocks, I know I'm happy but I'm unplugged. So, if my list seems a little dry and lackluster, I beg your pardon. Have faith in me, I seem to have missplaced mine.

Today I'm grateful for:

my tools.

knowing it's OK to change my mind.

my husband loves me. Even when I'm hard to love.

the Pixie. She loves me enough to bug the crap out of me.

walks. It was to wet to ride but Roy and I got a good walk in. I leave the house a snarling sporker I come back more tame.

water

music

space

faith in Aventurine.
A beautiful bracelet given to me by my BFF
She rocks

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