Friday Gratitude

Today is more than making up for yesterday. Thus far, my day has gone swimmingly. The only thing to even slightly mar the day is the grey & rainy weather. However, considering the 14 inches of snow forecast for back home, I'll not only take the rain but I'll go out and dance in it. Because? Well, because it's warm outside and I can. Why else?

The transporter spit out my good boy Morning Hamster w/ no dingleberries or anal leakage. Though I warn all whom enter my home. The hamster has some rank farts and OMG do his piles smell bad! Thank God they are small! If he were a larger dog, we'd have a haz-mat team in my back yard. Seriously, they are so bad that I was convinced the man was screwing with me and HE was the culprit. I had the hamster sleeping in my lap and I kept looking at the man and asking "What the hell did you eat??" "Hey! That's not me! That's him!" I swear to you, I will never, EVER feed this dog chicken again. EVER! All that aside, he had a great morning of piling outside, playing with daddy's unwashed sock, and general hamster type obedience. Good Boy Roy!

As I was getting into the shower the phone rang. Being that it was 6:35 A.M. I had a moment of panic "OK now what?" but it was my husband. He was calling to tell me there was an accident on I10 and for me not to go that way. This is the 2nd time in 1 week that he's done this. He called me on Monday to tell me of an accident on our street. Knowing that I had to be on time to Jury Duty he wanted to warn me to leave early and cut through the Winn Dixie parking lot. I know right? I can hear the "AWE"'s from here. THIS kinda stuff is what makes going though life with a partner so damn worth it. He can be loud and messy and he has a "few" bad habits but ultimately, when he messes up he is forgiven because he forgives me mine and we love eachother.  Life is messy and complicated and at its best when it's shared. I am a very lucky woman. My man is on my list nearly daily because I know ultimately what is THE most important blessing in my life. It is NOT the things but who I share them with. I've said it before and I believe it with all my heart. I could live over a heating grate in a cardboard box as long as I had the man beside me holding my hand. Oh, and the hamster can come too. He don't eat much.

Today I'm grateful for:

Getting it. I spent 44 years NOT getting it. I know what to be grateful for. Even if my list does not always reflect it.

God's blessings. I don't deserve them but he don't care.

191.2 Yup, I'm down .2 lb from yesterday. I'm starting to think Christmas cookies are diet pills in disguise.

My man. He is going with me to "The Parents" house. No, not mine. The parents of Kelly's 51 year old boyfriend. It does not escape me that 1) there is 17 years difference between Kent's age and my mothers. 2) there is 30 years difference between Kent and Kelly's. When my husband said "I'll go, I don't want you to go alone" my husband became the superhero in my family.

puddles and piles outside where they belong. After this week, that's a HUGE gratitude.

the boss being gone for 2 days. Remember that old adage "When the cats away the mice will play."? Well call me Squeaky and pass the cheese.

the stationary beast. It's all that stands between me and 200 lbs and even then it takes divine intervention.

Ms. Amy. In a sea of strange female faces, her smiling face was my life preserver. She calmed me, she validated me and she kept me from getting lost in the dark. Oh, and she gives pretty good hugs. She's no Ms. Marry but she's a close 2nd. I know she's OK with that :)

a gathering of women. Last night there was a gathering of woman. As with any gathering of this type there was LARGE amounts of food, laughter and fellowship. With Ms. Amy to keep the fear away, I just sat on the couch and let it wash over me. Given the week I've had this gathering was welcomed and healing. What was the best thing I took from this gathering? Was it the coconut cake? The ornament? The recipe for a good Pubilx cheese tray? No. It was the knowledge that I was not alone.

3 Pastors. These 3 pastors put the Christ in Christian. They lead by example, they live what they teach. They give me hope that the stigma now attached to the term "Christian" can be reversed. Because of these 3 men I am no longer to embarrassed to say "I am a Christian". I was once considered unwanted and unworthy but now my salvation is assured because of one of them and supported by the other 2. NONE of these men know me by name or by sight but have changed my life. They are: Pastor Ken Dyle Lead Pastor at The The Church at Argyle, MY pastor. Pastor Andy Stanley Lead Pastor at North Point Community Church. And most recently Perry Noble Senior Pastor NewSpring Church. Christian or non you should check them out. They may restore your faith in your fellow man if not in God. Just knowing that 3 men GET IT gives me faith that there are more out there just like them. There is hope.

Hope.

FRIDAY! Tonight I go home and I bake some cookies and I wrap some gifts and I get some high quality face time with the man. Can't beat that with a big stick

man vacation. He has all next week off. Other than Pixie & hamster duty, other than that he's off. Oh, and he needs to fix the gates, but other than Pixie & Hamster duty and the gates, he's off. Oh, and he needs to fix the trunk light of my car, but other than Pixie Duty, Hamster Duty, Gates and trunk light he's off. He so deserves some time off, he works to hard.

Our Girls

Lisa Chaney aka The Queen

Kelly Reed aka The Dorkfish

June Reed aka The Garden Pixie

Tuesday Gratitude - Goodbye Connor

How do I do this? How do I put my faith where my mouth is? *sighs* All I can do is try right? Here we go....

Connor Reed Heaton died 12/12/09. He is survived by his grieving parents Kelly Reed and Kent Heaton. He was created for a purpose and he completed his mission so quickly and with such grace, God let him come home early. What that mission was I am not privileged to know. Perhaps one day Little C will whisper in my ear "This is why Granny" Until that day, my faith will carry me.

His mother however, is beyond grief stricken. I urge anyone, hearing of Kelly's loss, not to say the following: "It's for the best", "It's nature’s way", "At least you can still have more". Kelly is grieving the death of her son. Her son is as real to her as any child is to their mother. The fact that he was pre-born does not change the depth of the pain. Go up to a mother who has just lost their 5 year old, 20 year old or 46 year old child and say those same things. Do not trivialize her grief. She has to mourn the loss without having something to hold onto. She has no body to burry. They took her son from her in more ways than one. She is left with guilt, grief, pain beyond definition and people around her saying "it's for the best". They may as well say "Hey, he wasn't real, get over it".

I know from personal experience. I lost my son in 1992. I was not quite 6 months pregnant. He too had a fetal anomaly. He was created with an extra chromosome 27. One day I'm happily planning how we are going to squeeze 3 kids into a 750 square foot apartment, the next they were telling me they could not find his heartbeat. They did not call it a birth, they called it a D & C. They did not give me his body but instead did unthinkable tests "to determine the cause". Nearly 20 years later and I still feel the loss. When I let it, the grief and pain can consume me, just like it did that day. I never knew why and until recently did not have faith. Now, I can take some comfort and find some closure. Perhaps my son was taken so that I could help Kelly though the loss of her son. Perhaps not. What I know is that there was a reason. What I believe is that my son was there to welcome his nephew. They are both in the arms of angles and in THAT I can find gratitude.

My daughter is an atheist. I cannot help her find comfort in faith. I must respect her beliefs and leave mine at home. I did all I can do. I held her and told her what happened was not OK or for the best. When she cried "That was my son" I stroked her hair and cried with her. I told her of the changes her body would go through, of how the hormone fluctuation may cause her bipolar to go into hyper drive and cautioned her to keep Kent close and keep in contact with someone, anyone. I had JUST bought Connor a pair of high-top infant sneakers. The cutest brown and blue little things you've ever seen. I told her "These are Connor's shoes. They are tangible. Something you can hold onto. They say he was here, he was wanted and he was loved by us all. Do whatever you want with them. Burn them, yell at them, get angry with them, burry them, love them. Whatever you need to." She GOT it. I was so scared that I was just causing her more pain but she hugged my neck, cried and whispered "thank you Momma". THAT I can be grateful for.

In the last week my daughter has lost her dream car, her job and her son and she is still standing. She is strong and she is brave and she will survive. I'm scared for my child. She is the most volatile of us all but this is not the same woman she was 3 years ago. She may flounder, she may even fall, but she will rise from the ashes. She IS my redbird. And for THAT I can be grateful.

Today I'm grateful for:

my daughters grace.

Jackson's health and safety. I hope he remembers his cousin. They were connected by fate in conception. Perhaps Connor is destined to be Jackson's guardian angel. I like the way that feels. Perhaps someday, when Kelly heals, I'll mention it to her. I think it will make her happy.

my mom. She is MY rock and comfort. Everyone underestimates her but I know. She was with me that day in 92. I would have crawled into a hole where it not for her. I only hope I can help Kelly as much as she helped me.

Lisa. I know her heart is good even if she has trouble with impulse control. I believe she knows Grandma was not out to "one up" her. She's just frustrated with the choices she's made and is lashing out. I trust her and grandma will forgive and forget. With time and DISTANCE

Great Grandma. She just wants to love and spoil her babies. There is no such thing as to much love and there is nothing wrong with 2 stockings. Hell, make it 3. One from Mommy, one from Great Grandma and one from Santa.

Hand me down Coach purses. Musette brought me in a chocolate brown, medium sized Coach Purse. "It's last years and I noticed your purse was dirty and ripped." SCORE!!!! This sucker is like brand new! It still has that new purse smell. In the face of epic grief, it's nice to find a little gratitude in the frivolous.

Hamsters. Their distraction is both welcomed and priceless. He reenacted "the rug looked at me funny" this morning but this morning the rug got even. It tripped him up and he fell over the edge of the transporter and face planted into his water bowl. With a shake of the head and a snort at the rug he gave me that "What are you laughing at" look. I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the stationary bike.

new smells. For the last..oh, I don't know...month perhaps? We've been walking into the office to new assaults on our noses. Each day the rancid smell was getting stronger and stronger. The boss has been struggling with sinus issues for weeks. Her Dr. telling her she is not sick and refusing antibiotics. Well, yesterday we discovered a basement we didn't know we had. In that basement was a foot of water. Seems it's been there a while. Oh, and this morning? The bosses husband (who came to bail out and clean up the basement) found a dead rat in the attic. It'd been there long enough to reach maggot stage. With gags and moans he runs this thing past MY desk! Gee, thanks. I think I'll go home now and take a mental health day. Now? Well all I can smell is the bleach from the fresh pressure washing and the 6 lbs of air fresheners we've been spraying. It seems this crap was just hiding in the dark places of the office waiting for the rat to be removed. I am awash in so many chemicals I bet I glow in the dark. Hmmmm could make for a fun evening.

What writing means to me. I won't say "good writing" because that's both subjective and I am not fit to judge. Writing is my outlet. It lets me go and go and go and rant and rail and work my way through it. I can dump it all onto the page and let it go. It is a cheap drug and better than any currently on the market for fixing what ails me. It's my "gift of the spirit" and one I am profoundly grateful for. Only took me 45 years to find it...

my little list. Compiling my list each day requires me to find SOMETHING to be grateful for, no matter how much I may not want to or how hard it may be. Today, it was particularly difficult. That being said, my little list has worked it's magic. It's done what it's intended to do. It's changed my perspective, it's made me grateful, it's reconnected me and it's filled me with enough surplus ink that I can carry on.

Kelly and the Pixie in happier days.

Thursday Gratitude

I interrupt your regularly scheduled Hamster Chronicles.

Last night my daughter Kelly was in a car accident. A bad one. The car was totaled and she was forced to exit out the driver’s side window. A large SUV pulled out in front of her with no warning and she T-Boned him. Witnesses came to her defense and the Police cited the Driver of the SUV with the ticket. This all sounds very bad but there is so much here to be grateful for.

First and foremost, Kelly walked away with aches and pains but she WALKED AWAY. Little Connor is fine as well. She was checked at the scene and pronounced well. HUGE blessing that. Witnesses came forward to inform the Police it was NOT Kelly's fault. Given Kelly's record, that is another HUGE blessing. The guy was insured. In this state that's another HUGE blessing. Kelly and her...Boyfriend, for lack of a better term, are in the position to be able to go without a car for a little while and have a little bit of money to help them get another. Oh, and did I mention Kelly and Connor are just fine? Yeah, that one deserves a repeat. Given what could have happened, I'm choosing to be grateful.

While I am profoundly grateful for the health and safety of my daughter and baby bump, my heart breaks for her. You see, to her, the car is more than a car. THAT car was the fulfillment of a promise, it was a gift of trust from her dad, it was freedom after YEARS of relying on her own feet and leg power, it was her DREAM car. That car was the manifestation of so many dreams and of healing. On the phone with her last night I could hear the sound of her broken heart in her cry. We can buy her another Redbird. They are still out there, but it will not be HER Redbird. She can repair this Redbird but it will never be the same and will cost much more than it's worth. The insurance company will see a 1979 manufacture date and total it without a thought. They will not give her the money it will take to bring it back to what it was. My poor girl will live to have other cars. Her son will hear stories about Momma's first car and see the pictures.

Me? Yes, the car was a gift to me from the man on my 40th but the true joy of that car came the day I gave the keys to Kelly. The memories of taking her to get her drivers license, of her Dad paying for her registration and putting the "Classic" tags on it for her. Of her Dad going over every inch of that car for nearly 3 hours before he let her drive off and of her not just "Putting up" with it but of enjoying it. Of her calling the house and asking for her Dad, this almost always meant a question about the car. Dad and Daughter out front, in the dark, working on the breaks. Of the victory in their voices when they got it figured out. Of her dad, on the phone with her last night, telling his daughter "It's just a car" Those memories are what make that car forever a part of my life and no amount of body damage can take that away from me.

Goodbye old girl. You restored what I thought was forever broken. Rest well, race on...

This is how I choose to remember...

Today I'm grateful for:


Kelly and Connor being A-OK. If a little battered, bruised and PISSED OFF. I so do not envy the guy who she hit. I know that "angry Kelly" face. She can be scary.

the magic of a 1979 Redbird. She was an amazing car. She was awesomeness in bright red motorized form.

my man. Hearing him talk to Kelly on the phone last night made me fall deeper in love with him. I honestly didn't think that was possible. Sometimes I don't mind being wrong. Shhhh do NOT tell the man about the wrong stuff. No need to open THAT can of worms.

my mom. She took the news of the accident with calm. In years passed she would have freaked out before I ever finished "Kelly and the baby are....." That's progress Mom and I'm proud of you.

hamsters. The little bugger barked and woke the man when I went to bed last night and he woke me in the middle of the night with a few whimpers, but over all he had a much better night than the proceeding one. We also had our 3rd good morning in a row. Once again he put on a very entertaining show while I rode the stationary beast. This morning it was Roy vs. the blanket. For whatever reason, he decided he wanted the entire contents of the cage emptied. He started with his bowl. Water and all, dumped onto my foyer floor. Next came his woobie. With a "GRRROWEL" and a shake he flipped it onto the floor. Next came his teething bone. This little blue puppy chew toy with ribbons. With a pounce and a "Yip" that was plopped into what was left of his water. Now came the main event. Roy vs. the queen sized blanket we use to line his cage. This sucker is HEAVY. Roy pounces on a corner and yanks with all his might. The sheer force of his yank and the weight of the blanket sending him flying backwards onto his back. So, this time he tries a new tact. He goes around front, facing his foe head on. He grabs the same corner and pulling backwards, he tugs with all his might. Guess what?? The blanket moved a fraction of an inch! The hamster may just pull this off. I am so fascinated by this epic battle that I completely forget to be counting down the seconds till I get off the beast. I'm transfixed. Again he tugs and again the blanket moves. By the time I dismount the stationary beast, Roy is sitting victorious atop a pile of blankets, pillows, and toys. All wet from his now upturned water bowl. As I scoop it all up and put it back into the cage he lets out with the manliest bark yet. As if to say "Hey! I worked hard on that!" He continued to bark at me as I put his blankets in the dryer, refill his water bowl and locate the accosted blue pillow. I just laughed my butt off all freakin morning. I highly recommend starting your day with a hamster comedy routine. And, I am now 100% convinced there is a portal to the land of used tissues under my bed. It's hamster sized and only visible to the canine eye. I have crawled under my bed several times to clean out all types of critter fodder and every freaking time that hamster goes under my bed he comes out with another old, crusty, dust bunny condo of a tissue. Then sits there shredding it while looking up at me saying "Go ahead, make a move" and takes off with it back under my bed when I try to take it away. It's HIS favorite form of entertainment in the morning. *grumbles* Oh, Oh and this morning as he was "guarding" me in the shower he fell in. Ever see a wet hamster in your shower? It's freaking hilarious. He enjoyed being dried off way too much the little hound dog. I had a hard time getting my towel back. OK, so the Hamster Chronicles were not canceled, just preempted. I just couldn't resist. The material that freakin beasty gives me is just to good to waste.

PAYDAY! Whooohoooo!!! 10 days early. Have I mentioned I love my boss? It's a great day at Heth Realty, Inc.

Kelly and Connor being just fine. She called me because she knew I'd worry. She was right and she is awesome. She is on her way to the Dr. just to be sure then she is on her way to Atlanta. I'm worried again but hey, it's a mom thing. She'll understand it soon enough.

not having a complete melt-down this morning when Shank gave me the news. Seriously, I think he's screwing with me. After spending a week stuck at 192.2 I dropped to 191.4 yesterday. I was sooooo excited. Until this morning. This morning's weight was 194.4. WHAT THE HELL? I've taken the liberty of moving the sledge hammer into the bathroom. Just as a warning. Hope the man don't stub his toe in the dark.

Christmas Sushi. I didn't ask, I didn’t ponder, I just ate. It was good. *burp*

Wednesday Gratitude

This morning was perfection in it's mundaness. No meltdowns, hamster guilt, lost keys or lateness. The stars aligned and the hamster peed, I locked him up in his little den with no chase scene. No Youtube moments of any kind. It was total freaking awesomeness. Top it off with a spectacular sunrise, no traffic aggravation and more green lights than usual and I had a spectacularly blessed morning.

With my brain free from annoyances large and small and with Ms. Shankabitch, well, not exactly back in bondage, but at least subdued, I was able to lose myself in thought as I drove. What came to me like a "TWACK" in the back of the head from God is how my list has changed, and not for the better. I'm not sure when it started or why, but it has. Along with the change in the list has come a change in me. I pledged to live a life of gratitude. To embrace the mundane adventures of life and to be grateful every moment of the day. To change my perspective on the negative, to embrace the positive. To eliminate regret and live in the now. To change the world with the small and go where the flow takes me. Well, that's not been the case as of late. I've been obsessed with weight loss, hamster training, holiday drama and just plain crabbiness. My list is reflecting my life and not the other way around. It's time to step off the road of my journey for a bit and "ripen on the vine" It's time to remind myself of the big girl panties I'm wearing now. It's time to BE grateful, time to face problems head on with the 4 philosophies, time to stand still in the life I have built and FEEL it.

Today I'm grateful for:

my faith that the small things can change the world. A well meant smile of greeting, a sincere touch, a single dollar, a pretty card, a kind word of encouragement. These things will change the world as surely as Oprah's millions.

the power of an inspired Christmas Playlist. Don't just drag and drop every Christmas song you have into your MP3 Player. Take the time to listen and to create one that moves you. I made mine for 2009 last night. Here is is:

1) All I want for Christmas by SheDaisey

2) You're a mean one Mr. Grinch

3) God rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - Barenaked Ladies

4) 12 days - Straight no Chaser

5) The entire Carpenters Christmas Portrait CD

6) Rudolf the red nose Reindeer - Jack Johnson

7) Darcy the Dragon - Roger Whittaker

8) Little Drummer Boy - David Bowie & Bing Crosby

9) We Three Kings - Go Fish

10) Go Tell it on the Mountain - James Taylor

These songs warm me from the inside out for many reasons. Some bring back memories of Christmases gone by, some say what I want to say, some just make me happy. It took me about an hour to create my playlist and to publish it on Facebook. I dropped these songs into my main playlist and hit the random button. Each time I hear one pop up it's like a little gift. The hour spent digging though beautiful music, digging in Youtube for them and posting them was wonderful fun. Since I play my Ipod all day at work I'm spreading the joy.

having a spectacularly unspectacular morning. There is nothing like 2 weeks of crappy mornings to make you truly grateful for a normal one. I didn't even mind the hamster tongue up my nose this morning.

My mom. Life is very hard for her right now but she is trying. I've never seen anyone work so hard to be happy in all my life. I'm very, very proud of her and I love her beyond measure. My Mommy rocks. Oh, and she can take yours. No, seriously, my mom is in amazingly good shape. How many great grandmas do you know that take Tribal Funk dance/Zumba classes?

Dave. My husband, aka the man. I am grateful and proud to be his wife. I make jokes all the time about what he has to put up with and how hard being married to me is and all the stuff I put him through but you know, those are MY observations. HE will tell you that I am a good cook and that I'm "not all that bad" and that I'm the love of his life. He introduces me with pride, he knows the perfect time to play deaf and blind, he does little things around the house without ever being asked, he regularly tells me that he loves me and he says "Thank you for everything you do" randomly. Oh, and let's not forget that he is pretty damn good lookin. In other words, "I" have Prince Charming. Sorry ladies, you can all stop looking. I wasn't always able to see how wonderful he is, and like any man, he isn't AWLAYS wonderful, but he always loves me. He is my one true and best love. How could I not be grateful for that?

my puppy. I whined, I begged, I bribed and I pleaded for a puppy. I got one. To say he's a puppy is an understatement. He is 13 weeks and small for his age. "I" need to man up and be the grown-up in our relationship. When I do that, instead of whining about "my 8 minutes" our mornings go brilliantly. Roy the Boy, the humping hamster is no more. Roy, our new puppy, the youngest and smallest family member had a brilliant morning. And my reward for being a good Mommy? I got puppy breath kisses on the nose. Well worth losing my 8 minutes for.

my boss. She is a wonderful and caring woman. She has agreed to go 95% paperless AND she is willing to back up her decision with all that is necessary to carry that out. I know 1 paperless office will not reverse global warming, empty landfills, or even make a LARGE impact. What it will do is reduce our footprint and make our owners and tenants aware of an issue "WE" feel is important. Several of our elderly owners, folks that have never bothered to TURN ON their computers have now created Gmail accounts just so they can get their statements paperless and a couple have even said they are going to take "this environmental stuff" to heart. DO NOT tell me small things won't change the world. I'll make you go talk to Mr. Zuzzle.

Progresso soup. Lentils & spinach. Seriously, this stuff is awesomeness in a can. Throw in 1 serving of Animal Crackers and you have a rocken lunch.

Today my list is not long but it is from the heart. That will have to do. Now I'm back to passing out smiles and candy canes to the freaks and their spawn. That reminds me. I'm gonna need a new bottle of glass cleaner.

I'm no pro. In fact, I'll admit to being a poor excuse for an armature.

BUT, I like my photos. They make me happy. What else matters?

Dear Diary - Friday Gratitude

Dear Diary:


OK, so the week in review? The weekend sucked but was saved in the end by BLT's & sock monkeys, Monday was a Monday and marked by a 2 lb weight gain, Tuesday I got a PUPPY!, Wednesday I water fasted, Thursday I tried to intimidate a hamster and failed, Friday is PAYDAY!

How's that?

Considering how much I've written in my lists this week, a Dear Diary review just seems redundant. I think I'll just leave it at this and get on with my Friday Gratitude.

Today started out way to early. My poor man got a call in the middle of the night from work. He had to work about 2 hours from home then drive into work at 4 A.M. I hope they let him go home early.

My day however, started out quite nicely. Granted, when the phone rang at 2 A.M. the hamster started dancing but he settled down quickly and with the man's side of the bed vacant, he had more room to stretch. I kid you not, that hamster stretched himself into a Mastiff. When the alarm went off I was jammed to one side of the bed and he was luxuriating like a prince on 3/4 of a queen sized bed. Misty used to do the same thing but at least she had 20 lbs on her. This little bugger is 2 lbs if he's an oz. Amazing. In spite of that, I was exceedingly happy.

Other than when the phone had rung, I had slept through the night. This detox is yielding some surprising results. I thought for sure with the amount of water I was consuming, I'd have to move my blankets and pillows into the bathroom but no. The last 2 nights I woke up ONCE to pee. Wow. Oh and what's left of my lady parts are working much better. Now THAT was a total shocker! I thought those parts were dormant for good. I'm in day 3 of the detox and I am utterly amazed by the changes. Even with cheating w/ coffee. I am now down to 189.2. This is the weight I was 4 months after I quit smoking and had my first weight melt down. Funny, 189 don't look so bad from this side. Just more proof it's all in your perspective. Oh, and Roy went potty outside! Twice! He had an accident this morning but that one was my fault. He had gone all night without going and I assumed I had time to make coffee before I walked him. That's a My bad not a hamster bad. Yes, today is going to be a good day. I just hope the poor man can get some sleep. I hope Roy lets him :/

Today I'm grateful for:

piles and puddles outside where they belong. Good boy Roy!

Shank confirming what I feel. I am down to 189.2 lbs. I have not been here since January. I know it's a mere 6 lbs but it makes a huge difference in how I feel and how my clothes fit. Perspective is everything. Now, when I kick in my work-outs WITH my diet the pounds are gonna fly off. Looks like Skinny Granny was right. I am one smokin hot granny.

FRIDAY!

PAYDAY!!

Roy the Good Boy. He's still a humping hamster but he is eating regular and making deposits outside. Our life together is going to be a long and happy one. I can't wait till he grows into his collar so we can go for walks. I've asked Santa for a basket for the big pink bike so we can go on rides together. I can't wait for Roy to meet Irving and the bubble gum pink car and the winking cat and all the other joys of his neighborhood.

My poor tired man. He's been at work nearly a full shift now and still going and I know he has to work tomorrow. He works hard so we can live the life we do. Oh, and he's hot.

My Mom calling me her Sunshine. I'm a 46 year old woman and I can go back in time and feel like a 6 year old again. In a good, flashback, kinda way. I dig it.

Kelly coming for dinner. Whoohoo! I get to talk to the baby bump and continue where I left off with the pre-programming. "You love your granny. Granny gives you cookies. Granny lets you jump on the bed. Granny don't yell like Mommy. Granny gives you the FUN toys."

David's good report from school. *sighs* Really? Kindergarten already? Where does the time go? I miss my royal duo :(

coffee. Copious amounts of hot coffee. With Pruvia and creamora. Yes, I know. This is counterproductive to a detox but screw it. Next time I do the detox I'll go all the way. I plan on doing it again after the holidays. For now? More coffee please!

Garden Pixies. I just realized my youngest has not been on my list in awhile. Have I told you lately how awesome my Pixie is? It's not just that she is a fundamentally good kid but I LIKE her. I like the way she thinks, I LOVE her imagination, it just comes to life in her drawing. Have I told you guys she's an amazing artist? Well she is. And my Pixie has a heart the size of Texas. She loves with her whole heart. Her love comes out in her hugs and kisses. Her hugs are painful and her kisses are wet. That's just because they can't contain all she wants to put in them. She is epic, hippie, Strawberry haired, big hearted awesomeness in near woman form. When I stop and think about how close I came to missing out on knowing her, the weight of regret nearly crushes me. Thank you Lord for waking me in time.

Lisa sounding upbeat and happy on the phone. Even if it's a snow job it was nice to hear. I miss talking to THAT Lisa. She and I used to have so much fun. I hope I get her back one day. I see glimpse of her every now and then. In the mother’s day photos, in the baby bump photos, when she talks about her man and occasionally on the phone. I want THAT Lisa to come out and play. I remember playing hooky with her and having so much fun. I remember sitting out under the car port of the McCahill house talking for hours. I remember car rides with her as co-pilot. I remember "I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee. Then I throw dog poop on her shoes." Steve Martin is a must for any road trip. *sighs* She will come back to me. I know she will. She loves her mommy. I just need to be patient.

Today's Poohism: “Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is go where they can find you.” This is pure Pooh awesomeness and oh so true. Tomorrow I'm gonna go where they can find me and I'm taking Roy with me.

Ari: THAT look is what I'll remember in my old age.

David: So grown up

Tuesday Gratitude

Getting used to this new format is taking some time. I miss the personal aspect of talking one on one to my Mom and Daughter. Going "WWW" seems so impersonal, yet I feel it's the proper progression. I need to put it out there in the hopes someone will stumble into my Gratitude Web and get stuck. It's time for me to Man-Up and put on my big girl panties. Well, lets get on with it then...

Today I am in a good mood. Even though I just wasted a 12 hour fast, gave up my morning cup of coffee and my morning work-out. I didn't get stabbed damn-it. I sat for over an hour in Lab-Core waiting to get my blood work before they made the announcement "We have 18 scheduled appointments for this morning. If you cannot wait please feel free to go" Well, gee, thanks for that. You could not have warned me about that an hour ago when I walked in? There's an hour of my life wasted *sighs* Guess I get the joy of doing it all over again tomorrow morning. Lucky for me the lab is within walking distance of my office. I was only 10 minutes late this morning. I plan on being at the lab at 6:30 A.M tomorrow. OH, and Ms. Shankabitch and her sporks will be going in my stead. SHE knows all about righteous indignation and SHE will get seen...or make one.

Guess I'm in a good mood because today is puppy day! *booty dances* Today, after work, I get to go look at a puppy. I have the man's permission to bring it home if I feel it's a good match. Oh, no pressure Beth. It's a Chiwawa/Poodle mix. I've decided I'm calling the breed a Poochi, the man wants to call it a ChiwPoo but that just sounds wrong. Poochi it is. We've kicked around a few names. You've seen a few in my list. SayBark, Spiffy, Fred, but the man is right. In order to name the little beasty properly, I must SEE him. Oh, and it's a boy! You guys know how much I wanted a little boy. Now, just may have one. Cross your fingers and toes please. For me AND the dog. I have to drive into the scary section of town to look at him. The man has told me to be careful and my boss has stated emphatically that I am not to drive there alone. Mussette is going with me and we are going mid-day. *twitch* Really? There is a place in Jacksonville THAT scary? I'm from D.C. it's hard to scare me, but these folks have me a tad worried. But a Poochie is worth it!

Today I'm grateful for:

Poochies. Ok, or ChiwPoos. Either way, I may be getting some puppy love today. I would say something silly like "I hope I don't get my hopes up" but that ship has sailed.

the BFF coming out of surgery just fine. I was her last night on my way home. She's kinda hot with that eye patch. In a very Pirate kinda way.

Taco's. Last night’s taco's were kick ass. Nice too since I start my detox tomorrow. It was the last good meal before a week of raw. I scheduled dinner a tad early so I could get it in before my 12 fast started for the blood work. Tonight’s dinner is "feed your damn self" night. This is of course due to me puppy lookin after work. Have I mentioned I may be getting a puppy? Oh, sorry...

SYTYCD. Each Monday and Tuesday it gives me pure entertainment. For those 3 hours I get to turn my brain off. The man can drool over...well, all the women. I can swoon over *sighs* Donny and root for the underdog. It does not make the world a better place, it will not save the world, it merely makes me happy.

facebook. As much as it annoys me, there is nothing like opening up my inbox to find an old friend I hurt in another life has not only forgiven me, but reached out from the past to be friends again. THAT is what Facebook should remember it's all about. THAT is what Facebook does well and what it should stick to. *waves to Natalie* Glad to have you back friend!

My mom. Life is getting her down right now but she keeps trying. She is brave and strong and awesomeness in Mom form.

Misty. She was the best dog ever and I miss her every single day. I hope she will help me not compare the new puppy to her. No dog could stack up to the ghost of Misty.

a clean house. I WILL have one by the time this weekend is over. *puts foot down* I'm tired of living in a bio-hazard.

Skinny Granny. She comforts me on my fat days. She is a welcomed additions to my dysfunctional pack

Shank telling me I now weigh 192.0 Not sure how I managed that, but hey, I'm not going to question how I lost 2.2 lbs in ONE day. I bought a digital scale for its accuracy. For the purpose of being encouraged. It is not defective, it is not trying to confuse me, it is not out to get me. It's no more than the fact that my body is as weird as my brain. Guess I should have seen that one coming. Silly me...

My man. Even when he doesn’t get me he gets me. He is my race car driver, my knight in white armor, my bug killer, my trash taker outer, my mechanic, my sock monkey, my favorite and my partner. He fills my adventure book with memories and plans. I like him a little. Can I keep him?

My 3rd cup of coffee. I’ve nearly recovered from my morning fast. I was doing really well. I picked a bad time to fall off the coffee wagon. How on earth am I going to survive the next 7 days without it? Skinny Granny better be right or this is going to be a very long week. Oh, and someone better check on Ms. Shankabitch’s duct tape and arm the Orc with epic sporks with +11 to snark resistance and +12 to smite.

Me and the man holding hands. We do it right.

Friday 10 Future Gratitude

Today I'm grateful for:

1) being a sexy granny. I know it makes the man happy too. He just can't keep his hands off me.

2) the puppy

3) book #1 being on Oprah's book club

4) book #2 being well received

5) being paid what I'm worth

6) having a great life, a greater outlook, and the greatest love

7) coming in 5th from last on my most recent bike race.

8) serving my church.

9) mom and dad's 75th wedding anniversary

10) 60 years of holding hands with my man. He's still freakin Yummy. Especially in his new chocolate brown golf shirt.

Extra: I am today, in the future, and always grateful for the gift's of the spirit I received.

The joy I get from photography & writing have filled in all the little cracks in my heart and restored it.

Blast from the Past: Top 5 Lists from the past as Voted by my Daughter.

Today's Gratitude
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 at 8:51am

Good Morning Ladies:

I decided I would take today's gratitude list to be grateful for some of the lessons I've learned that have improved my life. Since learning these lessons consumed a good portion of my life and a few nearly killed me, I figured it was time to say thank you to the universe for teaching me, God for guiding me, and myself for finally getting them. They are:

Pick your battles. It is not important that she eat her green beans, it is important she showers occasionally

Riding the ass of the guy in front of you will not make him go faster

do NOT say it's OK if it's not. Stewing is acid to the foundation of your relationship. If your hurt, say so. If you're OK with it, BE OK with it.

No, he really can't read your mind

forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, and valentines days are no big deal. Him holding your hand when your sick and scared is. Let it go.
Forgiveness is freedom.
Gratitude is the key to a blessed life
People only know what you put out. Don't get pissed if they don't like you. Work to change their minds or let it go.
the "well why can't he" tact is a marriage killer
No matter what someone does to you, it is up to you how you deal with it and move forward. YOU are responsible for your own actions AND reactions
your perspective is 100% responsible for determining if you have a good life or a bad one; weather your happy or sad.
These are just a few of the lessons I've learned and I'm grateful for. I could list more but I have to get to work.

Love you,
Me

Lisa taught me unconditional love

Kelly taught me to pick my battles

June taught me to express pure joy

Tuesday's Gratitude 
Tuesday, May 5, 2009 at 10:43am

Good Morning Ladies:
Once again I'm late. Sorry! Still stuck in first of the month mania. Hope your having a great Tuesday.
Today I'm grateful for:

my job. I freaking love my job. I am the maintenance Superhero. I am roach killer, toilet fixer, a/c goddess and leak stopper. My boss thinks I'm great, tenants love me, owners not so much but hey, 2 out of 3 isn't bad. Each day I get to make people happy. By hearing them and addressing their needs I make them feel valued and I remind them that without them, I have no job. I give loads of smiles this way. It's great.
my ability to blow smoke up someone's butt. When my job requires me to say no, I can do it in such a way that "most" times, they don't get mad. I can also "Usually" remind owners that while I am indeed spending their money, it's cheaper to make the repairs and earn good will with the tenant than it is to have a vacancy. I'm very good at this but I am aware my job is sending me to hell. I can not usually get through a day without lieing. I do pray for forgiveness regularly.

seeing the carpet of Junes room today. I was astonished. She has made great progress in cleaning out her room. Her room may just be ready for the "big make-over". Of course, the amount of carpet I see in June's room is in direct correlation to the amount of carpet I loose in my office. *sighs* Oh well, it's only for a week.

my conversation with June last night. She stopped me last night, her eyes a bit glassy as if tearing up and she asked me to stop calling her my troll. She was so sincere and so shockingly open that I was taken aback. She said she promised not to let the troll appear again and she wanted to be my garden pixie once more. I took her into my office and we had a long talk. I explained that she never was a troll. That "I" was the troll for making her feel bad. I was the troll for assuming her teen years would follow a predetermined pattern. I told her that she has banished the true troll, never to return. Then she sat in my lap while we watched "Extreme Home Make-Over's" and cried. She whipped her nose on my shirt and giggled. *shrugs* My pixie is unique indeed and I love her to bits. Snot and farts and all.

June the troll slayer, the farting pixie. The artist, the rock star drummer, the dyslexic superhero, the peace maker, the kiss giver, the deodorant forgetter, the shower avoider, the light and joy, the wisest of us all, the free spirit, the hippie in training, the one who will save the planet and has saved me.

the journey I'm on. It never ceases to amaze me just how much my life has changed. I still can't look myself in the mirror, but that's cuz of the fluffyness. I can at least look myself in the eye. I'm becoming the person I always wanted to be. Maybe, just maybe I will get there before I die. Either way, the journey is well worth the effort. Bumps, curves, road blocks and all.

That's it for today Ladies. My wish for you today is pixie vision. See the trolls and vanquish them. Join my coalition for a troll free existence.

Love you,
Me

Meet June, the Troll Slayer.

Saturday's Gratitudes
Saturday, May 2, 2009 at 10:50am

Today I'm grateful for:

Revelations 21:1 - 22:21. Seriously, knowing that is there helps me deal with the darkness and fear of the rest of that book. Perhaps one day I'll actually read it.

Taco Night sky and the Dorkfish

listening to birds chirp and squirrels run across the tin roof of the sun room.

the possibility of the perfect photograph coming from my camera
red cars and how they make me feel & how happy they make my daughter

the queen, the dorkfish and the troll. Oh my!
being a weirdo and a dork. Of all my titles, I like these the most

being in flux. It used to disturb me, now I embrace it

going against the grain and with the flow

band practice "All Hail Sally" rocks

Riverside calling to me
Sally, Lance, Roxie and Shutterbug. All the inanimate objects in my life I give names. What can I say, it makes me happy.

God. He so gets me.

morning snuggles with my man. He should be asleep, he woke to give me snuggles. Now that's love right there. I don't care who you are, that's love *nod nod*

34 days
829 hours
49760 minutes
2985612 seconds
Till paradise


34 weeks, 5 days
14,500 avoided
$2,551.50 saved
since I quit smoking

countdown timers. They tell me where I've been and where I'm going and always surprise me.

a free day to do whatever, whenever I please guilt free.

the Troll. She is indeed a troll, but she is my troll and she loves me.

sunflowers smiling at me. I love their happy faces.

Saturday Gratitude
Saturday, April 25, 2009 at 10:25am
Today I am grateful for:
being one of those happy fluffy people I use to loath

Flowers, loads of colorful faces smiling at the shutterbug. I can almost hear them say "cheese"
Sally gleaming in the morning Sunshine. She calls to me to take her for a ride.

pink bikes that no longer mock me

regularity. Don't smirk until you've gone a week or not

sitting at my computer, trying to do my gratitude list and having to fight the urge to just say "everything"

Grace and it's ability to sneak up on me
love for my husband feeling almost overwhelming at times. It can still take my breath away
my husband coming home after a "guys night out" and telling me he should have stayed home with me. He was jealous of the evening the Pixie and I had *goofy grin*
Everything - Every pain, frustration, trial, failure, broken heart, tear, fear, lost, dulled and vacated part of my life that led me to where I am today. I would indeed go back and do it all again knowing what I know now. I no longer view my life as a tragedy but an adventure. I am no longer a writer but a participant. I am no longer lost, I follow.

just a cool random shot of the sunrise through the Pixies bathroom window. I chose not to get annoyed by all the empty bottles she had not bothered to throw away.