Sunday Gratitude

OK, so it's not even noon and God has taught me a lesson. I've discovered that when God is intent on teaching you a lesson, he makes it happen. He can teach you softly, he can teach you with a smack in the back of the head, he can teach you with a kidney punch or he can pull on your heart but he WILL teach you. This morning I forced him to teach me the hard way and my heart now has scars, I'm racked with Mommy guilt but I am also as grateful and as proud as I have ever been.

This morning was better than most. I got up with plenty of time, got to take a nice long hot bath, got to play with the new external hard drive and backup all my music and photos, BUT I had to yell at the Pixie. She made a bargain last night "If you let me, I'll shower in the morning. No complaints. I swear!" so when I went to wake her and she BEGED me to stay home from church I instantly got pissed off. "Get your ass out of bed, in the shower and ready for church. With all you've been given this week the LEAST you can do is spend ONE freaking hour in church. You PROMISED no complaining and this is what I get?" "But I'll get up right now and take my shower, just let me stay home!" "NO, get up NOW you have 30 minutes. MOVE!"

I assumed, as any reasonable parent would, that my child was just being lazy. She stayed up to late watching her new movies and didn't want to go to church. Since this is her week to serve, I figured she also wasn't in the mood to whisper to 2 year olds. Reasonable assumption right? 20 minutes later she comes to me showered, 90% dressed with wet, unbrushed hair and tries again "Mom..." "I don't want to hear it June, just go finish and get that nasty hair brushed. You now have 10 minutes and counting." Without a word she leaves the room and gets ready. We walk out the door JUST on time for church. Normally we like to go to the church's Cafe but no time for that this morning. *insert exasperated Mom sigh* All the way to church I am lecturing her about gratitude & responsibility and service. Just as we pull into the church parking lot she says "I know I messed up, I'm sorry. I just want to clean my room. Little Terry and Sean are coming over and they didn't have a very good Christmas. My new stuff is all over my room and I just wanted to clean it up so they wouldn't feel bad. I'm sorry Mom. I should have done it last night" and she cries like her heart is breaking.

Now, if any of you out there are not reaching for your tissues right now, you are hard hearted indeed. I immediately said "That is the absolute BEST reason for not going to church I've ever heard. I SUCK for not asking you why you didn't want to go. I'm so sorry June." And we both sat in the car, in the middle of the church parking lot crying like babies for a good 10 minutes. After I pulled myself together I dropped off my items for next weeks Cafe and left. I am 100% sure God completely understands why we didn't go to church this week. If I had just ASKED June why, I could have left her at home and I could have gone. As it is, I had to drive her home and would not have the time to make it back.

God said "DO NOT ASSUEM, ask. Even for your children. YOU DO NOT KNOW IT ALL. Only I do thankyouverymuch. Sometimes it's OK not to go to church. There ARE good reasons."

I've told you all that my kid is awesomeness personified right? Yeah, I thought so, just checking. I told her I was sorry. I told her it was NOT her fault and she did nothing wrong. Yes, it would have been best if she had cleaned her room last night but that it was no big deal. I was the only one to do anything wrong. I assumed and didn't ask. I didn't listen to her or to God. So, we are now home and she is cleaning her room. I'm sitting here licking my wounds feeling equal parts of guilty, proud and grateful.

Today I'm grateful for:

my youngest child. Of us all, she has the best heart. When I shut up and listen, she teaches me to be a better person.

Sundays. They freakin rock. I miss being at church but God is right here so all's good.

Sleepy hamsters. They are so damn cute it is hard to resist the urge to disturb them. I just want to pick him up and hug and squeeze and love on him. What keeps me from doing it, if I'm honest, is NOT that it would disturbing a sleeping beast, it's that I know the FIRST thing he would do is stick his tongue up my nose then run off and steal my underpants again. As cute as he is sleeping, THAT's not so cute.

All Hail Sally. Band practice is in session. It's been a long time since we've had one. The house is rocking and I'm making Hot Roast beef sandwiches & tater tots to keep them fueled for hours of rockin. Then, the Jacksonville Jags will get thair asses kicked by the Patriots and we will have front row seats for the carnage. That's a rockin Sunday Afternoon right there. I don't care who you are.

Bike rides w/ Roxie and Roy. It's not warm but it's warm enough. Told you I live in paradise.

Photo editing. I finally have PSP x2 installed. Time to Play, oh, I mean Work. Yeah, work...that's it.

getting to sit in my office listening to the band practice. I can't explain why I love this but I do. I love hearing the noise of my life while I'm doing something peaceful. It's MY recipe for a perfect Sunday. I know it sounds like I'm removed but it feels like I'm enveloped. It's hard for me to explain in words but I'm grateful for that feeling.

my man. Only my man can look hot in Vikings printed pajama pants, a white tee-shirt and a flannel shirt while rockin out to lead guitar and dancing in place. He's the lead guitarist for All Hail Sally and I'm his biggest fan. *screams like a teenybopper and swoons*

not fearing Mondays. I've been off since noon on Thursday. I do not fear tomorrow. How freakin lucky am I?

NO on call calls for either the man or I since Thursday. How about that? NO freaks trying to flood their kitchens, burn up their ovens, over flow their toilets or burn down the house. This makes 2 major holidays with NO on call emergencies. How the hell did that happen? Did someone put all the freaks in a state of suspended animation? Did I fall though a worm hole in space? Enter the Twilight zone? Come on, SOMETHING has to be going on. I KNOW the phone's working I keep getting junk mail texts.

feeling calm and at peace. I had to work long and hard to learn to recognize, and then appreciate the moments of pure peace. Funny, I used to NEVER feel at peace. Once I learned to recognize those fleeting moments of peace, they came more often and stuck around longer. It's a skill worth developing, the payback is 10,000 fold.

Rock out w/ All Hail Sally
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k45fGYqTGyc

The hamster Christmas 2009.

He's grown! Big Boy Roy!

Friday Gratitude - Christmas Edition

Today has been so chocked full of blessings I just don't know where to begin. So, I suppose, since I have a mimosa nearby, the hamster is sleeping, the husband is playing with his new Blu-Ray and the Pixie is off watching a "Barbie Movie" marathon, I'll just start at the beginning.

I woke in a foul mood. The man got up and I got pissed. It was too early but because HE got up that meant "I" had to walk the hamster. *mutters and sighs* His offer to walk the hamster just pissed me off more. It was one of those mornings where my feet hit the floor and the devil said "Oh shit, she's up". I threw on some clothes and walked the beast. Here, the little shit did it AGAIN! Oh, guess I should back up a bit.

The hamster is a Jack Russell mix. Any of you have any clue how hard it is to A) train a Jack B) tire a Jack? Freakin mission impossible dude. Really. But, I get this brilliant idea. If the little beasty is tired he will be easier to train and since I am physically incapable of walking long enough and fast enough to tire him out, we are going to walk him while I ride Roxie. Brilliant right? *bows* thankyouverymuch, I thought so too. ONLY, the hamster is to small for his harness. We use a harness to walk him because he is so damn small he can back right out of he collar, but guess what? He can walk right out of his harness. I forget this small fact when I set off to "tire him out".

OK, so, my frame of mind when we head out the door? "I have to walk this beast quick because the breads in the oven, I have Santa's cookies to bake with June, I have to finish the pie and feed the family all before church in *looks at watch* Crap! 2 hours. OK Roy, let's roll. ONE BLOCK from my house the evil hamster walks out of his harness and stands there looking at me while I screech to a stop. He looks at the empty leash in my hand and I see it in his eyes. I KNOW what's coming. Um, yeah, he takes off. I am left standing in the middle of the street holding a leash and screaming "Roy! Bad dog! Come here NOW! I'ma squish a hamster!" That last sentence being screeched just as two little girls come out of the neighbors house. They look a little frightened and move closer to their mother. Oh, and I should mention here the two teenagers who are on their skateboards on the sidewalk just standing there, watching my dog race away from me and head closer and closer to the street un-tethered. After a 10 minute pubic melt-down I say "screw you! I'm going home. Hope someone steals you!" and I grab Roxie and walk home. I walk in the house and just as I park Roxie in her spot, I see a white streak race though my front door and I hear water slurping. Enraged I slam the front door and I have ANOTHER melt-down completely forgetting that it is 80° and every window in my house is open. *sighs* I scream for the Pixie "Come catch this dog before I kill something. That something may be Santa so do it quick!" (yeah, not my proudest moment) The hamster whisperer reaches down and simply lifts the beast and gives me that "Was that so hard?" look. After much more aggravation, and redneck rigging his harness, the beast and I managed to have a successful run with the bike. Turns out the little beast and Roxie really get along. Roy LOVED the run w/ the bike and rewarded me for not giving up by signaling that he had to relive himself outside. GOOD BOY ROY!

Oh, yeah, back to this morning, well I walk him and make the mistake of rewarding a quick pile and puddle by letting him off the leash in the back yard. BIG mistake. Once again I'm left screeching "come here you freaking, freak of freaking freaks!" (only not exactly those words). Merry Christmas Roy...

From that point forward for a few hours it seems I just could not catch a break. MY gifts were great but 2 of the gifts for the man were screwed up *sighs* I over flowed the quiche and had a nasty puddle of egg, heavy cream and cheese dripping all over my counter-tops, the dog kept chewing toes, he ripped the bows off my SIL's stocking, and I miss timed how long it would take to get the quiche in the oven so I didn't have time for the long, luxurious bath I wanted. When I finally sank down into the hot water for a quick soak & shave before the In-Laws arrived I was in a real doozie of a funk. At that moment I realized I hadn't said my prayers and I had damn little time to do it so I figured "God's seen me naked so why not?" Funny how God works, when I closed my eyes to say my prayers the only prayer I could think to say was "Thank you" At that very moment a wave of gratitude washed over me so strong I began to cry. From that moment on, my day has been all I could have possibly asked for.

Though I am exceedingly grateful to my husband for the PERFECT gifts I received, it is NOT the gifts that I'm so grateful for. It's so much more...

Today I'm grateful for:

the thought and planning that went into my Christmas gifts. My husband plotted, planned, ordered, hid, and screamed beyond what he has ever done before. THAT was the best part of my Christmas.

my Christmas Stocking. Growing up the favorite part of my Christmas was always my stocking. My husband did not have a stocking tradition. On our first Christmas together I told him all about my love of the Stocking. In my stocking went all the little interesting things my mother would pick up over the year. Under the tree was the loot, in the stocking was the love. Nothing in my stocking was expensive but it was always creative and something that said "Beth Ann" to my mom. No matter where in the world we were for Christmas, no matter if it was just us 3 or a house full, my stocking was something I could count on. Each year those little items validated me. For 22 years my husband has tried, God love him, but this year he succeeded. It was without a doubt the BEST stocking of our married life. Thank you Babe.

my two favorite gifts. The first came from the Pixie. It was a HUGE 2 lb bag of Jelly Bellies. ALL yellow ones. 6 flavors, all yellow. If you read my list, you KNOW about me and the color yellow. This gift is incredibly creative, thoughtful and soooo freakin me. My kid is total brilliant awesomeness in strawberry blond form. The 2nd came from my mother in law. It was a pretty card with a hand written note inside. That note made me cry in the best possible way. I am an incredibly lucky woman.

another great ride with Roxie and Roy. More validation that this little beasty, no matter how crazy he makes me occasionally, belongs with this family. He LOVES Roxie. He runs along side her right where he belongs. He never gets in the way of her tires, he FOLLOWS, no leash snapping, no "NO!"ing, just tail and tongue wagging. I think Roy may love Roxie as much as I do. After all, if he ain't chewin on her peddles, he's humping her tires.

80° weather at Christmas. Today I was in my skort and we had the windows open. That is until I turned the oven on and it got so hot we had to turn the A/C on. Envy much?

Paula Dean's My Friend Flicker Pie. OH MY FREAKIN DOG IS THAT GOOD! I am a domestic goddess in my house thanks to this pie. Even though I forgot to add the 1/2 & 1/2 this pie rocked my house. Though it's so rich none of us could finish a full slice. Should you try it, I'd suggest thinking "sliver" not "slice"

Lilly. She is 16 G of hot pink awesomeness. She carries the new and enlarged soundtrack of my life. Steve is now in the custody of the man. I know he is in good hands. Lilly and I began our life together on Christmas eve. Here's the photo. Think I was a bit surprised? Um, yeah, the Pixie and the Man told me it was a sweater. Freakin awesome sweater dude!

the ability to give my family one of the best Christmas's ever. The number of gifts under the tree was about 1/2 what it was last year but the thought, creativeness and quality was 10 times better. Considering some in my family are not nearly in the shape both physically and financially we are, I would be a real crap human if I failed to be grateful.

the hamsters Christmas gift. I LOVE his funky chicken. This thing rocks dude! Oh, and when you squeak it, it sounds just like the hamster. Check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgYvfec2Q6I


a soft lesson. This year I got an Ipod, a tripod, an external flash, a cool base for my Nikon, photo editing software, cash, a gift card, a butt wad of dark chocolate, a bag of yellow Jelly Bellies, a framed bit of Pixie art and a love note but the very best of what I received today was the lesson that my mood does not define me. With God's help a shift to the left is just a prayer away.

I hope you all had a merry Christmas, I hope 2010 brings you new dreams, goal fulfillment and love in abundance.

Highlights from Christmas 2009

Santa ate his cookies and drank his Chocolate milk.

The "before" photo

The Pixie Santa and The Hamster Santa

Mmmmmm, Chocolate Brown *drools*

The Pixie in her new "Nancy Drew, girl detective" jacket

A bag of sweet yellow and Framed Pixie Art

My Momma in Law.

This is not the first time her gift has been on my #1 list.

I know that look. I'm usually giving it.

Her brother, my husband is annoying her.

That's what big brothers are for!

Blast from the Past: Top 5 Lists from the past as Voted by my Daughter.

Today's Gratitude
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 at 8:51am

Good Morning Ladies:

I decided I would take today's gratitude list to be grateful for some of the lessons I've learned that have improved my life. Since learning these lessons consumed a good portion of my life and a few nearly killed me, I figured it was time to say thank you to the universe for teaching me, God for guiding me, and myself for finally getting them. They are:

Pick your battles. It is not important that she eat her green beans, it is important she showers occasionally

Riding the ass of the guy in front of you will not make him go faster

do NOT say it's OK if it's not. Stewing is acid to the foundation of your relationship. If your hurt, say so. If you're OK with it, BE OK with it.

No, he really can't read your mind

forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, and valentines days are no big deal. Him holding your hand when your sick and scared is. Let it go.
Forgiveness is freedom.
Gratitude is the key to a blessed life
People only know what you put out. Don't get pissed if they don't like you. Work to change their minds or let it go.
the "well why can't he" tact is a marriage killer
No matter what someone does to you, it is up to you how you deal with it and move forward. YOU are responsible for your own actions AND reactions
your perspective is 100% responsible for determining if you have a good life or a bad one; weather your happy or sad.
These are just a few of the lessons I've learned and I'm grateful for. I could list more but I have to get to work.

Love you,
Me

Lisa taught me unconditional love

Kelly taught me to pick my battles

June taught me to express pure joy

Tuesday's Gratitude 
Tuesday, May 5, 2009 at 10:43am

Good Morning Ladies:
Once again I'm late. Sorry! Still stuck in first of the month mania. Hope your having a great Tuesday.
Today I'm grateful for:

my job. I freaking love my job. I am the maintenance Superhero. I am roach killer, toilet fixer, a/c goddess and leak stopper. My boss thinks I'm great, tenants love me, owners not so much but hey, 2 out of 3 isn't bad. Each day I get to make people happy. By hearing them and addressing their needs I make them feel valued and I remind them that without them, I have no job. I give loads of smiles this way. It's great.
my ability to blow smoke up someone's butt. When my job requires me to say no, I can do it in such a way that "most" times, they don't get mad. I can also "Usually" remind owners that while I am indeed spending their money, it's cheaper to make the repairs and earn good will with the tenant than it is to have a vacancy. I'm very good at this but I am aware my job is sending me to hell. I can not usually get through a day without lieing. I do pray for forgiveness regularly.

seeing the carpet of Junes room today. I was astonished. She has made great progress in cleaning out her room. Her room may just be ready for the "big make-over". Of course, the amount of carpet I see in June's room is in direct correlation to the amount of carpet I loose in my office. *sighs* Oh well, it's only for a week.

my conversation with June last night. She stopped me last night, her eyes a bit glassy as if tearing up and she asked me to stop calling her my troll. She was so sincere and so shockingly open that I was taken aback. She said she promised not to let the troll appear again and she wanted to be my garden pixie once more. I took her into my office and we had a long talk. I explained that she never was a troll. That "I" was the troll for making her feel bad. I was the troll for assuming her teen years would follow a predetermined pattern. I told her that she has banished the true troll, never to return. Then she sat in my lap while we watched "Extreme Home Make-Over's" and cried. She whipped her nose on my shirt and giggled. *shrugs* My pixie is unique indeed and I love her to bits. Snot and farts and all.

June the troll slayer, the farting pixie. The artist, the rock star drummer, the dyslexic superhero, the peace maker, the kiss giver, the deodorant forgetter, the shower avoider, the light and joy, the wisest of us all, the free spirit, the hippie in training, the one who will save the planet and has saved me.

the journey I'm on. It never ceases to amaze me just how much my life has changed. I still can't look myself in the mirror, but that's cuz of the fluffyness. I can at least look myself in the eye. I'm becoming the person I always wanted to be. Maybe, just maybe I will get there before I die. Either way, the journey is well worth the effort. Bumps, curves, road blocks and all.

That's it for today Ladies. My wish for you today is pixie vision. See the trolls and vanquish them. Join my coalition for a troll free existence.

Love you,
Me

Meet June, the Troll Slayer.

Saturday's Gratitudes
Saturday, May 2, 2009 at 10:50am

Today I'm grateful for:

Revelations 21:1 - 22:21. Seriously, knowing that is there helps me deal with the darkness and fear of the rest of that book. Perhaps one day I'll actually read it.

Taco Night sky and the Dorkfish

listening to birds chirp and squirrels run across the tin roof of the sun room.

the possibility of the perfect photograph coming from my camera
red cars and how they make me feel & how happy they make my daughter

the queen, the dorkfish and the troll. Oh my!
being a weirdo and a dork. Of all my titles, I like these the most

being in flux. It used to disturb me, now I embrace it

going against the grain and with the flow

band practice "All Hail Sally" rocks

Riverside calling to me
Sally, Lance, Roxie and Shutterbug. All the inanimate objects in my life I give names. What can I say, it makes me happy.

God. He so gets me.

morning snuggles with my man. He should be asleep, he woke to give me snuggles. Now that's love right there. I don't care who you are, that's love *nod nod*

34 days
829 hours
49760 minutes
2985612 seconds
Till paradise


34 weeks, 5 days
14,500 avoided
$2,551.50 saved
since I quit smoking

countdown timers. They tell me where I've been and where I'm going and always surprise me.

a free day to do whatever, whenever I please guilt free.

the Troll. She is indeed a troll, but she is my troll and she loves me.

sunflowers smiling at me. I love their happy faces.

Saturday Gratitude
Saturday, April 25, 2009 at 10:25am
Today I am grateful for:
being one of those happy fluffy people I use to loath

Flowers, loads of colorful faces smiling at the shutterbug. I can almost hear them say "cheese"
Sally gleaming in the morning Sunshine. She calls to me to take her for a ride.

pink bikes that no longer mock me

regularity. Don't smirk until you've gone a week or not

sitting at my computer, trying to do my gratitude list and having to fight the urge to just say "everything"

Grace and it's ability to sneak up on me
love for my husband feeling almost overwhelming at times. It can still take my breath away
my husband coming home after a "guys night out" and telling me he should have stayed home with me. He was jealous of the evening the Pixie and I had *goofy grin*
Everything - Every pain, frustration, trial, failure, broken heart, tear, fear, lost, dulled and vacated part of my life that led me to where I am today. I would indeed go back and do it all again knowing what I know now. I no longer view my life as a tragedy but an adventure. I am no longer a writer but a participant. I am no longer lost, I follow.

just a cool random shot of the sunrise through the Pixies bathroom window. I chose not to get annoyed by all the empty bottles she had not bothered to throw away.