Tuesday, April 14, 2009 at 8:51am
Good Morning Ladies:
I decided I would take today's gratitude list to be grateful for some of the lessons I've learned that have improved my life. Since learning these lessons consumed a good portion of my life and a few nearly killed me, I figured it was time to say thank you to the universe for teaching me, God for guiding me, and myself for finally getting them. They are:
Pick your battles. It is not important that she eat her green beans, it is important she showers occasionally
Riding the ass of the guy in front of you will not make him go faster
do NOT say it's OK if it's not. Stewing is acid to the foundation of your relationship. If your hurt, say so. If you're OK with it, BE OK with it.
No, he really can't read your mind
forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, and valentines days are no big deal. Him holding your hand when your sick and scared is. Let it go.
Forgiveness is freedom.
Gratitude is the key to a blessed life
People only know what you put out. Don't get pissed if they don't like you. Work to change their minds or let it go.
the "well why can't he" tact is a marriage killer
No matter what someone does to you, it is up to you how you deal with it and move forward. YOU are responsible for your own actions AND reactions
your perspective is 100% responsible for determining if you have a good life or a bad one; weather your happy or sad.
These are just a few of the lessons I've learned and I'm grateful for. I could list more but I have to get to work.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009 at 10:43am
Good Morning Ladies:
Once again I'm late. Sorry! Still stuck in first of the month mania. Hope your having a great Tuesday.
Today I'm grateful for:
my job. I freaking love my job. I am the maintenance Superhero. I am roach killer, toilet fixer, a/c goddess and leak stopper. My boss thinks I'm great, tenants love me, owners not so much but hey, 2 out of 3 isn't bad. Each day I get to make people happy. By hearing them and addressing their needs I make them feel valued and I remind them that without them, I have no job. I give loads of smiles this way. It's great.
my ability to blow smoke up someone's butt. When my job requires me to say no, I can do it in such a way that "most" times, they don't get mad. I can also "Usually" remind owners that while I am indeed spending their money, it's cheaper to make the repairs and earn good will with the tenant than it is to have a vacancy. I'm very good at this but I am aware my job is sending me to hell. I can not usually get through a day without lieing. I do pray for forgiveness regularly.
seeing the carpet of Junes room today. I was astonished. She has made great progress in cleaning out her room. Her room may just be ready for the "big make-over". Of course, the amount of carpet I see in June's room is in direct correlation to the amount of carpet I loose in my office. *sighs* Oh well, it's only for a week.
my conversation with June last night. She stopped me last night, her eyes a bit glassy as if tearing up and she asked me to stop calling her my troll. She was so sincere and so shockingly open that I was taken aback. She said she promised not to let the troll appear again and she wanted to be my garden pixie once more. I took her into my office and we had a long talk. I explained that she never was a troll. That "I" was the troll for making her feel bad. I was the troll for assuming her teen years would follow a predetermined pattern. I told her that she has banished the true troll, never to return. Then she sat in my lap while we watched "Extreme Home Make-Over's" and cried. She whipped her nose on my shirt and giggled. *shrugs* My pixie is unique indeed and I love her to bits. Snot and farts and all.
June the troll slayer, the farting pixie. The artist, the rock star drummer, the dyslexic superhero, the peace maker, the kiss giver, the deodorant forgetter, the shower avoider, the light and joy, the wisest of us all, the free spirit, the hippie in training, the one who will save the planet and has saved me.
the journey I'm on. It never ceases to amaze me just how much my life has changed. I still can't look myself in the mirror, but that's cuz of the fluffyness. I can at least look myself in the eye. I'm becoming the person I always wanted to be. Maybe, just maybe I will get there before I die. Either way, the journey is well worth the effort. Bumps, curves, road blocks and all.
That's it for today Ladies. My wish for you today is pixie vision. See the trolls and vanquish them. Join my coalition for a troll free existence.
Saturday, May 2, 2009 at 10:50am
Today I'm grateful for:
Revelations 21:1 - 22:21. Seriously, knowing that is there helps me deal with the darkness and fear of the rest of that book. Perhaps one day I'll actually read it.
Taco Night sky and the Dorkfish
listening to birds chirp and squirrels run across the tin roof of the sun room.
the possibility of the perfect photograph coming from my camera
red cars and how they make me feel & how happy they make my daughter
the queen, the dorkfish and the troll. Oh my!
being a weirdo and a dork. Of all my titles, I like these the most
being in flux. It used to disturb me, now I embrace it
going against the grain and with the flow
band practice "All Hail Sally" rocks
Riverside calling to me
Sally, Lance, Roxie and Shutterbug. All the inanimate objects in my life I give names. What can I say, it makes me happy.
God. He so gets me.
morning snuggles with my man. He should be asleep, he woke to give me snuggles. Now that's love right there. I don't care who you are, that's love *nod nod*
34 weeks, 5 days
since I quit smoking
countdown timers. They tell me where I've been and where I'm going and always surprise me.
a free day to do whatever, whenever I please guilt free.
the Troll. She is indeed a troll, but she is my troll and she loves me.
Saturday, April 25, 2009 at 10:25am
Today I am grateful for:
being one of those happy fluffy people I use to loath
Flowers, loads of colorful faces smiling at the shutterbug. I can almost hear them say "cheese"
Sally gleaming in the morning Sunshine. She calls to me to take her for a ride.
pink bikes that no longer mock me
regularity. Don't smirk until you've gone a week or not
sitting at my computer, trying to do my gratitude list and having to fight the urge to just say "everything"
Grace and it's ability to sneak up on me
love for my husband feeling almost overwhelming at times. It can still take my breath away
my husband coming home after a "guys night out" and telling me he should have stayed home with me. He was jealous of the evening the Pixie and I had *goofy grin*
Everything - Every pain, frustration, trial, failure, broken heart, tear, fear, lost, dulled and vacated part of my life that led me to where I am today. I would indeed go back and do it all again knowing what I know now. I no longer view my life as a tragedy but an adventure. I am no longer a writer but a participant. I am no longer lost, I follow.
just a cool random shot of the sunrise through the Pixies bathroom window. I chose not to get annoyed by all the empty bottles she had not bothered to throw away.
Monday, May 11, 2009 at 9:31am
After this week, I felt compelled to send you a short note to tell you some of the things I don't say. I know you hate mushy stuff so I'll keep it as brief and painless as possible. There will however, be some mush. Sorry.
I've spent most of my life chasing your shadow. Trying to live up to what I thought was you, trying to make myself have specific features of who and what I thought you are. I felt robbed and cheated that I did not get your brain. I've spent the bulk of my life being pissed off about that. So much so that I failed to see and appreciate the gifts I did receive. Let me tell you Dad, they saved my bacon this week. I will never fail to embrace and appreciate them again. Thank you for what you gave me.
Before I ever left my office last Wednesday I said a prayer. I prayed that I could be the wife my husband needed to see him through this. I prayed to be a support to his family and a comfort to Dad Reed's widow. I am astonished how God accomplished my request. He did so by bringing your best out in me. It was not until the quiet 12 hour ride home that I had time to think and reflect on the last 4 days. Once I realized it, I knew that my realization was my reward for all I had done and all I had been through. Do quit making that face and you'd better keep reading because I'm only going to say this once, for both our sakes.
From you I received the ability to relate to anyone. To speak to Dave's Great Aunt and his pot head cousin on their level without being condescending or fake. This ability I have always admired in you and never knew I possessed. I inherited your quick whit. I used it this weekend to lighten spirits and moods wherever I could. It saved not just my sanity this weekend. The most important thing I got was your gift with words. At the funeral of my father in law I managed to stand in front of the gathered crowed and speak from my heart. Words feel out of my mouth that I have no idea where they came from. I made the crowed smile and nod their heads and I made them tear up. For the life of me I can not remember what I said or what possessed me to stand up and speak. What I do know is that my husband told me how happy I made him and how proud he was of me. Patty (dad Reed's Widow) hugged me tight and thanked me. I received loads of pats on the backs and thank you's.
So, for all the gifts you've given me I wanted to say thank you. For all the years you've loved me quietly, I say thank you. For being my dad, for your lame jokes, for your dirty limericks and for just chewing on your lip, nodding your head and listening, I thank you.
I love you you old fart. If that's to mushy, well suck it up and deal.