Day 109 - I have a plan

“ Reason does not need thinking. If you observe yourself making a plan you will notice that having fixed the object, the facts just keep coming, linking up into a chain of proposed action.”
~Barry Long~

Today I am grateful.

Today I am grateful for a developing plan. It's not perfect, but it's sound. Now we just need her to play nice. I'm afraid that when she finds out it will be Wednesday, her head will explode.

Today I am grateful for the eternity I have to be loved by God.

Today I am grateful that I'm struggling. Myself and everyone around me has had what can only be classified as not ONE "day from hell" but a string of them but guess what? We've all blended together and are holding each other’s hand. We are not alone and that realization makes me grateful.

Today I am grateful for the dark days. Had I not lived through the dark days, THESE days would have crushed me. Without darkness, there would be no light. Because I've seen my worst, I know what I'm capable of. Don't worry about me. I got this.

Today I am grateful I never carried though on my plan to spork him. He may be her last hope.

Today I am grateful for conversations with Lisa. Sure, the word "cancer" is in there but it's surrounded by "love you" and "I get to" and softened by a tone in her voice I've never heard before. It's time to drop the drama and just call her Queen. Her calls are keeping me afloat.

Today I am grateful for a restorative weekend.

Today and every day I am grateful for my husband. Everything I could write about him would be nothing more than trite crèches but I will say: He is my favorite human and there is NO ONE else I’d rather be in the presence of. The activity doesn’t matter. Paying bills, cleaning the bathrooms or basking on the beach in paradise. If he is standing nearby I’m happy.

I am grateful today for yesterday and am grateful now for tomorrow no matter what it brings.

I am grateful always for discovering the life I always wanted but never knew I had was here all the time. All I had to do was wake up to see it.

Yes, I'm a dork, but I'm OK with that.

Monday Gratitude

This morning I yelled at a hamster and before you ask, yes, it was before dark and I was once more in my underpants in the back yard. Since the hamster has taken to running away from me, I now walk him in the back yard on a leash. The very same leash that frightens him. So now, instead of running from ME, he runs from the leash, STILL producing NO pee or poop. *sighs* This ONLY happens in the wee hours before dawn. When I'm able to walk him when the sun is up or *gasp* God forbid, after my first cup of coffee, or most annoying yet, when the MAN walks him, the hamster takes two steps out the door and drops a load virtually on command. Got to love it. At least I got in my first full 20 minute work out before work since bringing the little beasty home. The more pre-dawn attitude the hamster gives me, the less guilt I will feel about sniping his little hamster balls off.

Today I'm grateful for:

making it another day without being posted on YouTube

a full 20 minute workout.

The Pixie NOT missing the school bus. She called at 8:45 A.M. when she is supposed to be at the bus stop at 8:50 A.M. that she had managed to lose not just one, but TWO house keys and would be unable to lock the house. Thank GOD for the BFF. She ran to my house and locked the door. Wait till the Pixie discovers she is locked out. Sucks I wont be there to see her face. She is a very lucky Pixie. Daddy will get home less than 15 minutes later. Bet those 15 minutes are the longest of her life. I also bet she finds at least one of those keys TONIGHT. After all, she had them Friday. She let herself in.

having a great weekend. 4 days went to fast but I got a lot done.

being ready for the 1st of the month freak parade. I am 100% caught up. I even managed to get the filing done. Spiffy

showing the new guy who's boss and being backed by the boss. Dude, trying to throw me under the bus is NOT a good idea. The boss KNOWS how I work. You may want to go wipe that egg off your face. Hurry now, before I spork you.

Christmas music.

my head not expolding when Shank told me I was back up to 192 lbs. A 6 lb gain in 4 days

feeling God's love. This morning I was not at my bright and shining best yet I was in a very good mood by the time I was on my way to work. I felt God saying "this is for you. I forgive you, but do please quit yelling at the hamster and it was NOT nice cutting that guy off back there." Um, yes Lord. I'll do better, and Um, thanks. Love you too dude.

Pick your shade and BE the sharpie. Color your world bright.

Monday Gratitude

This weekend was a trial. It was a trial because I let some little things, that I should have been able to let go, fester. This far down the road, this is a skill I should have developed. Unfortunately, I am still a work in progress. I am not there yet. I lack the ability to process my frustration when the little things start to stack. I am MUCH better than I was. I don't break out the spork, drop the "F" bomb and scream till I cough anymore. At least, not at the first or even the third little frustration. It's when they stack one after another after another after another after another that my coping skills break down. At that point, your best and safest option is to approach me with extreme caution, perhaps with a doughnut in your out-reached hand. Anything less is suicide. If it's not of the utmost urgency, it's best to let it wait till my mood passes. To give myself some credit, I was at least aware. I prayed not for "the crap to stop" but for "me to grow and let it go". I kept up with my prayers and my list, though looking back at the last two days, I see they are lacking.

BUT, thanks to prayer, persistence, bacon, Aliens in the Attic and a loving sock monkey, I was finally able to let it go. I got to enjoy the last few hours of my weekend and mentally prepare myself for what lies ahead. This is going to be an exceedingly tough week. I water fast on Wednesday, I raw detox from Thursday till Wednesday of next week. This weekend is cleaning a house that has not been fully cleaned in a year. Work is going to be crazy. This is the week that all the freaks, who have been leaving minor repairs, want everything fixed TODAY before the holiday. Good news is I will get paid Friday, bad news is, this means I will have to fight the freaks at Wal-Mart for the last can of yams and pumpkin pie filling. Good thing I've been working out. I'm gonna need to be nimble to out maneuver the Tinkerbell pajama pant, florescent pink halter top, black croc wearing fluffy princess. Don't let her size fool you, she's quick. Especially when you stand between her and the prized food item she requires for her banana, yam, marshmallow surprise she plans to feed her spawn. *twitch* I'm ready, I can handle it! Oh, and sometime in this week I need to manage to get my half of the cookin done. Thank God, the BFF is doing the other half. Her cookin rocks and I know I can count on her. Oh, um, where was I? ...Oh, yeah, this is gonna be a tough week.

So, before things get crazy and out of hand, I'm going to remind myself that I am not the sporkmister I used to be. That I have the tools to handle my frustration in a positive manor. That I am loved well and that I can do anything if I give it to God. Um....can you do me a favor? Should I forget all this, could you smack me in the back of the head and say "Duh Beth!" Just remember to approach with caution, OH, and don't forget the doughnut.

Today I'm grateful for:

letting it go. Finally.

Prayer, Bacon and Sock Monkeys.

My puppy. It's out there and I will find it. Someday. Misty is just making sure I get the right one.

my dad. I still have him.

blenders and green smoothies. I'd better learn to love them or this is going to be a very long week.

self delusions. Ms. Happyfluffynicenice & Skinny Granny are both telling me this week is going to be a breeze and to quit stressin. Ms. Shankabitch is eerily quiet. She must be in a bacon stupor.

not freaking out when Shank told me I now weigh 194.2. Guess the weekend off of my diet is a bad idea. Nearly 2 pounds back in 2 days. My head didn't explode and I didn't break out the sledge hammer. For that, I'm grateful.

trust. I trust the sock monkey digs me. I'm just gonna have to be patient with that too.

my list. It changed my life and lifts my spirit.

today's Poohism: “Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.” I asked what I was looking for. I answered back: I am looking for the Pooh within me. I used to think I didn't have one. Now I know I have one, even if I can't always find it.

Funny, in the writing of today's list, Pooh came to hold my hand. Guess I'm not as scary as I thought.

My shadow in paradise.
In about a month, the countdown begins anew.