Monday Gratitude

This weekend was a trial. It was a trial because I let some little things, that I should have been able to let go, fester. This far down the road, this is a skill I should have developed. Unfortunately, I am still a work in progress. I am not there yet. I lack the ability to process my frustration when the little things start to stack. I am MUCH better than I was. I don't break out the spork, drop the "F" bomb and scream till I cough anymore. At least, not at the first or even the third little frustration. It's when they stack one after another after another after another after another that my coping skills break down. At that point, your best and safest option is to approach me with extreme caution, perhaps with a doughnut in your out-reached hand. Anything less is suicide. If it's not of the utmost urgency, it's best to let it wait till my mood passes. To give myself some credit, I was at least aware. I prayed not for "the crap to stop" but for "me to grow and let it go". I kept up with my prayers and my list, though looking back at the last two days, I see they are lacking.

BUT, thanks to prayer, persistence, bacon, Aliens in the Attic and a loving sock monkey, I was finally able to let it go. I got to enjoy the last few hours of my weekend and mentally prepare myself for what lies ahead. This is going to be an exceedingly tough week. I water fast on Wednesday, I raw detox from Thursday till Wednesday of next week. This weekend is cleaning a house that has not been fully cleaned in a year. Work is going to be crazy. This is the week that all the freaks, who have been leaving minor repairs, want everything fixed TODAY before the holiday. Good news is I will get paid Friday, bad news is, this means I will have to fight the freaks at Wal-Mart for the last can of yams and pumpkin pie filling. Good thing I've been working out. I'm gonna need to be nimble to out maneuver the Tinkerbell pajama pant, florescent pink halter top, black croc wearing fluffy princess. Don't let her size fool you, she's quick. Especially when you stand between her and the prized food item she requires for her banana, yam, marshmallow surprise she plans to feed her spawn. *twitch* I'm ready, I can handle it! Oh, and sometime in this week I need to manage to get my half of the cookin done. Thank God, the BFF is doing the other half. Her cookin rocks and I know I can count on her. Oh, um, where was I? ...Oh, yeah, this is gonna be a tough week.

So, before things get crazy and out of hand, I'm going to remind myself that I am not the sporkmister I used to be. That I have the tools to handle my frustration in a positive manor. That I am loved well and that I can do anything if I give it to God. Um....can you do me a favor? Should I forget all this, could you smack me in the back of the head and say "Duh Beth!" Just remember to approach with caution, OH, and don't forget the doughnut.

Today I'm grateful for:

letting it go. Finally.

Prayer, Bacon and Sock Monkeys.

My puppy. It's out there and I will find it. Someday. Misty is just making sure I get the right one.

my dad. I still have him.

blenders and green smoothies. I'd better learn to love them or this is going to be a very long week.

self delusions. Ms. Happyfluffynicenice & Skinny Granny are both telling me this week is going to be a breeze and to quit stressin. Ms. Shankabitch is eerily quiet. She must be in a bacon stupor.

not freaking out when Shank told me I now weigh 194.2. Guess the weekend off of my diet is a bad idea. Nearly 2 pounds back in 2 days. My head didn't explode and I didn't break out the sledge hammer. For that, I'm grateful.

trust. I trust the sock monkey digs me. I'm just gonna have to be patient with that too.

my list. It changed my life and lifts my spirit.

today's Poohism: “Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.” I asked what I was looking for. I answered back: I am looking for the Pooh within me. I used to think I didn't have one. Now I know I have one, even if I can't always find it.

Funny, in the writing of today's list, Pooh came to hold my hand. Guess I'm not as scary as I thought.

My shadow in paradise.
In about a month, the countdown begins anew.

Old Gratitude post: Consider this a "Key" to my brain. It may help you "get" some references. Then again, it may not

Originally posted: 7/22/09

Good Morning Ladies:

Happy hump day! Let’s leak sunshine and fart rainbows. Let’s Show this world what we’re made of shall we? *sighs* Yeah, I thought not but you can’t blame me for trying.

Today I interrupt your regularly scheduled gratitude list to ponder a moment:

I have an Ipod named Steve, a bike named Roxie, a car named Sally

I call my children The Queen, The Dorkfish & the Pixie. I also claim to have spawned them.

I’m convinced a dress has magic powers.

I call the stationary bike the stationary monster and I am convinced it’s a minion of the Evil Fluff demon Rex, who’s hell bent on stopping me in my attempts to rid myself & the world at large of the fluff.

I have started a movement to eliminate the label Fat and replace it with Fluffy.

I claim to have an orc in a tutu w/ a feather duster running around my head. He is Ms. Happyfluffynicenie's minion & blows the brain free of cobwebs & dust bunnies in his free time.

I claim to have a split personality. One named Ms. Happyfluffynicenice who is fighting for domination over my other personality Ms. Shankabitch who’s been known to stab tires and who’s favored weapon is a spork . Ms Happyfluffynicenice’s weapon of choice is duct tape & the brain orc is her minion.

I have an obsession with sporks because to harm someone with a spork takes planning and effort. Working up a sweat is quite satisfying.

I call myself a pacifist.

I am a Christian Taoist? Taoist Christian? Usually depends on the day.

I claim to be a superhero, have an imaginary purple cape & regularly flourish a yellow sharpie

I often claim to BE a yellow sharpie

All this tells me a) I earn my “weirdo & freak” labels daily b) I am profoundly grateful for not having been committed.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled gratitude list:

Today I’m also grateful for:

Holding hands. We do it right.

Evening adventures with Roxie. I just can’t explain how good it feels to be out in the hot Florida sun, peddling a big pink bike though my slice of paradise. On my 2.5 mile route I see a pink Caprice being tenderly rebuilt by a guy with longer hair than mine. I see him and I think “now THAT’S a hippie” I see children playing ball. They screech and grin and stop and wave at me when I pass. The little girls love Roxie :) I see ducks gliding across small ponds with surfaces like glass. Nothing moves the water cept the movement of the duck. In the water is reflected a perfect copy of tree and sky. I see smiling flowers of all shapes and sizes. I see hard working neighbors out tending to the homes and lawns they work so hard for. I see them shouting across the street greetings to neighbors, and now me. Seems my daily trip through their neighborhood has made me one of them. They wave and smile and I nod and smile back. The exchange leaving me feeling welcomed and somehow protected. Knowing that should something happen to me this far from home, these strangers who are not strangers would help the crazy lady on the pink bike. Roxie and I have an awesome adventure each evening. It’s a slice of my life I’ve missed and won’t give up without a fight.

My family. Every freak & weirdo that came before me. We are a dysfunctional lot. We are loud and messy. We fight and hurt each other at times but I know, if I’m in trouble, a convoy of pick-up trucks will come to my rescue. I’m one lucky woman.

My man. Given everything I am, he still when introducing me to ANYONE says “This is my wife, Beth.” And pulls me tight. He says it in that game show voice of his. Loud and strong with no sense of hesitation, trepidation or embarrassment. He says, without saying “she belongs to me” It’s kinda caveman like. I like it. The feminists can bite me.

Well, considering the novelette I wrote this morning, I think I’m done. My wish for you today is to be claimed. That should not be difficult for you two, but I’ll claim you if all else fails. After all, one spawned me and I spawned the other.

Love you,
Me