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Monday, April 19, 2010

Day 109 - I have a plan

“ Reason does not need thinking. If you observe yourself making a plan you will notice that having fixed the object, the facts just keep coming, linking up into a chain of proposed action.”
~
Barry Long~

Today I am grateful.

Today I am grateful for a developing plan. It's not perfect, but it's sound. Now we just need her to play nice. I'm afraid that when she finds out it will be Wednesday, her head will explode.

Today I am grateful for the eternity I have to be loved by God.

Today I am grateful that I'm struggling. Myself and everyone around me has had what can only be classified as not ONE "day from hell" but a string of them but guess what? We've all blended together and are holding each other’s hand. We are not alone and that realization makes me grateful.

Today I am grateful for the dark days. Had I not lived through the dark days, THESE days would have crushed me. Without darkness, there would be no light. Because I've seen my worst, I know what I'm capable of. Don't worry about me. I got this.

Today I am grateful I never carried though on my plan to spork him. He may be her last hope.

Today I am grateful for conversations with Lisa. Sure, the word "cancer" is in there but it's surrounded by "love you" and "I get to" and softened by a tone in her voice I've never heard before. It's time to drop the drama and just call her Queen. Her calls are keeping me afloat.

Today I am grateful for a restorative weekend.

Today and every day I am grateful for my husband. Everything I could write about him would be nothing more than trite crèches but I will say: He is my favorite human and there is NO ONE else I’d rather be in the presence of. The activity doesn’t matter. Paying bills, cleaning the bathrooms or basking on the beach in paradise. If he is standing nearby I’m happy.

I am grateful today for yesterday and am grateful now for tomorrow no matter what it brings.

I am grateful always for discovering the life I always wanted but never knew I had was here all the time. All I had to do was wake up to see it.

Yes, I'm a dork, but I'm OK with that.
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I've been on the phone for 4 hours. I've spoken with some amazingly helpful and carring people. Judge Collins makes me regret every nasty thing I ever said about civil servents and her ex is growing on me. The 3 of us have devised a plan of action. If her head does not explode when she hears "Wednesday" and she is clean enough to understand how lucky she is, she may just make it. Just having a plan is a HUGE relief.



2 comments:

  1. I just need to read your words of gratitude and life seems easier to handle already. So many of us feel alone; which is a strange dichotomy.

    I think a plan is the best way to live a life; instead of just drifting and let life happen to you. Easy for me to say, not so easy to live.

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  2. Awesome, Beth! I like your plan. I also like meeting people who ruin every misconception I have about them...judges ain't all corrupt, I guess.

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