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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Day 110 - A season of Sadness

“When God gave you to me he never said that you were mine, that I could keep you always--only borrowed for a time. Now, He's called you home, I'm sad and I shed tears. Yet, I'm glad He loaned you to me and we had these many years.”
~unknown~

Today I'm Grateful for:

God leading me to THIS church.

Pastor Ken's humor, humility and grace. It's hard to believe he's gone but I'm glad I got to know him.

KNOWING I am saved. One day God will call me home and I will get to play a round of Golf with Pastor Ken and Daddy Reed.

sadness. It's painful proof I cared, I loved and I lived. After a season of Sadness, joy is magnified.

my own resolve. This is NOT to much. I can carry on, learn from it and pay it forward.

a good work-out.

no piles on Wilson

for life moving forward. I may be sad but life is beautiful. I choose to celebrate the blessings I've been given and honor the life that was.

my list. When I make my list I'm forced to look within and dig for the positive. Sometimes it's a treasure hunt and I uncover diamonds other times it's a garden and I dig up worms. Hey, the world needs worms more than it needs diamonds.

God whispers. He told me to be grateful and gave me the gift of gratitude. It's become my life raft when storms come.

the faith that this season will pass. It's been one thing after another for myself, my family and my friends. Some of us are barely hanging on but I KNOW we will make it. The season's will change and when it does I hope my sense of humor returns and I stop writing like Stuart Smalley.


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Who we kidding, I'm struggling. I no sooner recover from one blow and "WHAM!" I get hit with another and I'm not alone. Everywhere I turn people I love and care about are getting beaten to death by the Universe. Those that are unusually there to prop me up are in need of propping. Even the wind seems against me. I go out to ride and the wind is determined to push me backward. I just don't have the will to fight it. Returning home angry, frustrated and lacking my non-chemical mood stabilizer. All my fight and all my determination are reserved for just keeping me grounded, sober and sane.

We are all doing our best to stay strong and positive. In the moments I'm strong I reach out to hold someone and they return the favor. I am sober and I am still grounded in my gratitude. I may be back to baby steps but I am still moving forward.

I apologies to you my loyal 17 stalkers. I've moved inward with my list. It's become my life raft and each gratitude is my attempt to paddle against the tide and reach shore. My list lightens my load and knowing you're out there makes me feel accountable. For you it must be rather like reading a bad Hallmark gift card. I promise, as soon as things lighten up a bit, my humor, sarcasm and general smart-assiness will return. For now, I hope you bare with me.

For Pastor Ken. I know you're happy at home
but we mere mortals miss you.

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