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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Day 47 - Delusion

“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
~Albert Einstein~
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Today I'm grateful for:

empathy.

a good debate. It brings me out of myself and makes me think.

knowing that what I see in the photograph is distorted reality and delusion. There is something in the way my brain processes my own image in a photograph as something hideous and distorted. It is with rare exception that this is not the case. Most times I've learned to ignore it but occasionally, it breaks me.

my meeting with Chris. It's a step in the right direction. It is not a step backwards but a step forward to balance.

faith that what my husband sees is not what I see. His view of me is filtered though love.

God. He made me this way for a reason. Perhaps one day I'll discover it.

sleep. I got some GREAT sleep last night. That is some serious gratitude right there. Insomnia sucks buckets.

leaving my camera at home on Valentine’s day. It was intentional. I wanted to be IN the moment and not photographing it.
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Clear at mud but the memory of it is picture perfect.


Sometimes being out of focus is a good thing. 
That night I felt beautiful and my man was diggin the lipstick 

 
The above photo of my husband and I made me cry. Not because of how wonderful that night was, or because of how happy my husband looked, but because the woman in the photograph is NOT the woman I see in the mirror. I called my friend Chris. He and I are going to discuss my "Issues". I'm going to move forward in a positive and productive manor. I am NOT going to take my computer monitor out to my driveway and run it over.

I need to just suck it up and get over it.

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