faith. Without my faith the sadness would be magnified 10 fold.
my husband being pissed off at me. He was pissed because I was significantly late coming home again. If you check your man to English dictionary, it translates as "I missed you". I promise to do better babe and I missed you too.
being shoved to the left. After witnessing this morning’s tragedy I could go one of two ways. I could say "That's so sad! Now my day is ruined! Oh poor me. Oh, and Lord your will be done." or I can say "That's so sad! Lord, thy will be done. Wow, that could have been me. Really put's my petty BS in perspective." I choose option 2.
prayer. Does it work? I believe it does, but if I'm wrong, who's it going to hurt?
empathy. I hurt for that poor soul, actually both of them. The pain validates my claim to being who I am. I don't want to be the kind of person that sees what I saw and feels nothing or worse, feels fascination and curiosity.
I wish I knew his name. I'll take comfort in the fact that God does.
This morning I was surfing the menopause mood wave. Then I heard breaks screech and boss 2 thumping down the hall yelling "CALL 911" and my heart sank. As I'm speaking to 911, I'm being fed the information by Boss 1. "Elderly man, walked in front of moving vehicle, on the ground not moving. Drs. office across the street tending. Does not look good, please hurry"
After finishing with 911 I stepped outside to speak with Boss 1 & 2 to let them know 911 was on the way and I saw him. He looked so small and frail laying face down on the pavement. It's only about 40° here today so I knew he had to be cold. Then, I noticed his shoe, up on our front lawn, a good 16 feet from where he lay. I started to cry and went back into the office and said a prayer. I just couldn't stand out here and watch. It felt somehow an intrusion on this tragically vulnerable fellow human.
I cross that street regularly and to be perfectly honest, quite often I'm of in my own world and not paying attention. That is the intersection I must walk to reach my bank, the grocery store, and the local burger joint. I heard from one of the bosses that he was a patient of the Drs. office across the street and was about 70 years old. I kept hearing "poor old man, don't think he's going to make it" and I wanted to yell "Hey, he has a name, do we know what it is?" but I just keep my mouth shut. This man is the same age as my dad! I'm NOT ready for my dad to go. Stop saying "He lived a long life."! My dad has another 20+ years thank you very much!
Look, I know it's not all about me. No matter how self-involved my little 365 project may seem, BUT seeing how fast life can be taken most certainly woke me from my "poor me" pity party. Life is too short to piss it away being moody. I'm glad I emailed Chris and I'm glad my appointment is set for Monday. I don't intend to waste another moment of my life in the storm. I plan on spending the rest of my days leaking sunshine and farting rainbows and being obnoxious in my perkiness. *shrugs* Or perhaps I'll just stow the sporks and banish Ms. Shankabitch. I'd like that.