Thursday Gratitude

finding comfort in the grey


Day 5 of grey and I'm doing OK. Usually I can manage to maintain the yellow for a few grey days but then Ms. Shankabitch starts gnawing on her duct tape leash. Today however, I'm finding it comfortable. There is a slight chill in the air and I'm able to let my favorite black jacket swallow me and hide all the fluffy bits. I feel calm and kinda sleepy. Not the exhausted, unable to function kind of sleepy, but the rainy day, snuggled in the covers kinda sleepy. It's nice and it's comforting. Like a sustained hug from the Universe. I'll make comfort the theme of the day. It's a much nicer theme than the "It's freaking raining again and I'm not happy about it" theme.

Today I'm grateful for:

Rain. Without it life would be mighty scarce.

Shades of grey. Not just in the weather but in life. When I was young I thought so much was black and white. In my arrogance and ignorance I demanded strict adherence to my rules and ideals. Then came relationships, children, life lessons and the softened focus of age. I get it now. There are very few absolutes but I try not to dwell on them. I think it's a much softer and kinder way to live.

my mom calling me for a dose of sunshine. *ponders* I'm my mom's sunshine...that's awesome dude.

the sound of my mom's voice this morning. She sounded happy. Her voice had that tone, like liquid laughter, I remember as a kid. When mom said good morning to me in the kitchen with that voice, I knew it was going to be a good day. Those were the days we played hooky and went for Mexican. Those were the days I got my ears pierced. Those were the days we stuffed our mouth full of saltines and tried not to giggle. Those were the days I got to help her in the kitchen. Hearing it this morning warmed me more than my favorite black jacket.

the possibilities of puppy love.

day 4 and the new way is holding firm. Mini-goals are being completed, routines are being adhered to, attitudes remain adjusted and I'm walking like a big girl. Feels kinda...spiffy

Shank. I think I scared him, the poor little thing. This morning he just could not make up his mind how much I weighed. First time I weighed in he said I was 192.4. I got so excited I thought I may have read it wrong. After all, that would mean a full pound off since yesterday. So I tried again. This time he said 193.4. *sighs* This is the same weight as yesterday. Before reaching for the sledge hammer I decided to check again. 193.0 WTH? Dude, make up your mind please. I tried again 193.0 OK, I got 193.0 twice in a row. I'm sticking with that. At least that means a .4 oz weight loss. I also think I need to lay off the threats for bit.

My man. He loves me. Not only does he put up with all my crap but he does so with grace, humor and patience. God is the foundation of my life, gratitude are the doors and windows but my man is my home. The fact that he is just so freaking yummy, particularly in his chocolate brown golf shirt is merely a bonus.

Mustang Sally. This morning her pretty blue dash lights, her red crystal heart and her kick ass speakers were all the sunshine I needed on this dreary Thursday morning.

Steve, my little lime green bit of electronic awesomeness. Currently he is singing me "somewhere over the rainbow" Seems appropriate on this grey, comfort themed day. Bet he plays something like Pearl Jam's "Evenflow" next. He's good like that.

the stationary beast. I mounted, I kicked it's ass, I won.

coffee. On morning like this, coffee is life. Coffee is consciousness. Coffee is comfort. Not that fancy dancy crap either. Just a good cup of office brewed Maxwell house. 1 tsp non-dairy creamer, 1 pk Purevia, hot as hell. *sips* Ahhhhhh, Perfect.

That's all for today. Leave me to play with the freaks, wrapped in my favorite black jacket, humming "Oh happy day" along with Steve, while sipping coffee. Thursday is turning out to be my favorite day of the week.

Through the grey peeks the sun. I took this in Pixie Park on a day

we were in a severe storm watch.

Wednesday Gratitude

Shades of Grey


It's been grey for 3 days. The last two it began to rain JUST as I got in my car to drive home. Last night we attended a Veterans Day concert for the Pixies BFF in the rain. YET, I am still in a sunny and bright mood. Where the grey skies of MD are claustrophobic and appear one dimensional, the skies here in FL are open with clouds layering for a stunning 3D effect. This is a perfect example of "perspective" The truth is, if you were to photograph a grey sky in both MD and FL you would find them strikingly similar. Well, as similar as a sky can be from one day to the next. It's my perspective that makes FL skies so much better. You see, I trust FL skies to become blue and bright again soon. Whereas with MD skies, I know I'm stuck with them for months and months and months. Whatever dude, I know FL skies rule and MD's just drools.

Today I'm grateful for:

Shank (for those that don't know, I name inanimate objects. Shank is my new digital bathroom scale. Hey, don't judge. It amuses me) Shank informed me this morning that I now weigh 193.4. I'll let him stay in one piece....for today, but one wrong move and I break out the man's sledge hammer.

sledge hammers. First, the word is just fun to say. It makes your mouth twist into interesting shapes and it's one of those words that's just hard to lip read. Oh, and I've discovered that, occasionally, they can be more intimidating than sporks. *shrugs* go figure.

mounting the stationary beast. It was a close call this morning but I did it. 20 minutes of slack jawed, gasping completed. Day 3 started very unattractive but at least it started.

Day 2 and thus far, all goals complete. No cheating.

100% confidence. Oprah WILL call and I WILL be a svelte, smokin hot, domesticated cougar. Meow baby...

my man. He considered, possibly, almost getting me a Stinker. That says a lot right there and it's enough for now. Thank you babe, Love you!

my job. The superhero is back. She came to the rescue of a tenant in need. One who called screaming and yelling and hung up with tears of gratitude. I freaking love my job man. Being a Superhero is NOT over rated. It's awesomeness with a purple cape and a yellow flourish. Integration IS over rated. I am back to having 3 personalities.

Pizza for lunch. It is NOT on my diet but the boss is buying as a treat for having to work the holiday. I'm not happy about eating it, but I am happy that my boss is the kind of boss that WANTS to say thank you. Those bosses are rare and should always be on someone’s gratitude list.

this moment right here. Since starting on this journey I've adopted the practice of occasionally taking stock of THIS MOMENT. In the beginning it helped me distress, calm down and reign in the anger. Now, this far down the road, I still do it as an acknowledgement of God for the blessings of the moment, Me for learning to embrace the moment, and the universe for giving me the moment. Sitting right here, at my desk, taking stock, it's a pretty damn good moment. Right here, right now, all is right in my world. A moment from now, that world could blow up, but I'll always have the memory of this one. String enough moments together and you have a happy, fulfilled and purposeful life.

longing to give more. Giving is cool and keeps my yellow flowing. Giving my money is OK from time to time but very impersonal. I like to give of ME. When I give myself away, I get more in return. Handmade blankets bring smiles to little faces. A framed photograph in a dreary hospital room chases gloom away, a special and beautiful card gives a smile. None cost much money, all cost my time. Those are the things, the little things, that make a big difference. I'll leave the giving of money to Oprah. She can afford it. Me? I'll stick to the small. Think small people and change the world!

I'm grateful for friends willing to walk dark bridges in the dark and cold.