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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Day 301 - I'm Grateful Damit

(Not my photo)
Given my love of the Jelly Bean
Perhaps I should shoot them one day


I am. I'm grateful. I'm just having a hard time expressing it.

So here I sit. On the road to the end of my life.

Trying to arrive at my destination with a little grace
and perhaps a modicum of gratitude

I've packed my little knapsack with peanut butter sandwiches

and jelly beans

Here I sit.

Waiting for instructions

Peace ~

I am grateful for gratitude. When self communication breaks down and the voices in your head start to sound like static on an AM radio wave, it's time to cling to what you know. I am grateful damit.

I am grateful I have friends who care. Who drop what they are doing to send me a text/email/post. Who hold my hand both literally and figuratively. For their emoted hugs that I can nearly feel. For their good vibes, prayers and best wishes.

I am grateful for my man. I know he didn't sign up for this crap but seems to love me despite it. I am grateful for his logic, his adherence to what’s right, to his unshakable will and to his soft heart. I see if she doesn’t

I am grateful for peanut butter sandwiches and jelly beans. I'm sure the sugar rush has contributed greatly to the brain full of radio static and it's caused a killer headache but hey, in for a dime, in for a dollar.

I am grateful for the inability to hold a thought. When it enters my head, just when I start to well up and cry again *Poof* it's gone. Everything gets swallowed up by the brain static. For now, this is a good thing. However, I hope it doesn’t last too long.

I am grateful for work. My job requires attention to detail. This mundane detail seems to clear the static for awhile. I am able to function at work. I can get things done and I'm not afraid I'm posting invoice numbers to totals (which I've been known to do). This is a VERY good thing and will keep my bookkeepers head from exploding.

God. I'll bet you money he put the static in my head. He messed with my head to save my heart. I'm good with that. I have faith that in time the static will clear and I will hear his instruction. For now, he's forcing a time out.

*sits on the road cross-legged and eats her jellybeans*

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