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Friday, October 1, 2010

Day 274 - Bible Camp in Review Vol. 2

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Fall has come to the Northern Florida. I woke this morning to a slight chill in the air. I got to drive home last night with NO A/C! Dude, that's huge. Our fall lasts about a day and a half but while it's here, I LOVE it. No fall colors, just brilliant blue skies, light breezes though the palm trees, PERFECT beach walking weather and air light and breathable. Awesomeness.

Right, back to the review. I got all weepy reliving this day.

Day 268 - Nailed

When I arrived, before actually, I asked the Lord to let me "Get it" to let me become emotionally invested in what he wanted me to "get". I did.

This weekend's message is about beauty. The beauty within and the beauty in brokenness. The speaker told stories, quoted scripture and spoke eloquently about the good, the bad and the ugly. She gave a visual example of how our baggage can destroy us even while God has already saved us.

She spoke on freedom and the power of forgiveness. How in order to be free to do what God has planned, we must remove the baggage. We must forgive the past sins done to us and sins of our own creation. Intellectually I was with her. I relived recent moments in my life when I forgave and when I was forgiven. When I looked back I am astounded at where I stand today.

Then I thought of my mom. About the crushing weight of guilt, anger and remorse she carries. I see her small frame made smaller still by the sheer mass of it and I begin to cry.

Then the speaker asked us to write on a 3x5 card what we need to let go of. Someone or something or many things we need to forgive, be forgiven, forgive ourselves for. Anything that could stand between our open hearts and God's mission or Plan he has for us.

As "Amazing Grace" played softly and we were given time to think, I knew there was nothing left. Over the last 3 years I had dealt with most of my baggage and what I had left God and I were working out together. The last person I needed to forgive was myself. That is going to take a while longer but each day God heals that wound little by little.

So I decided my card had a better purpose. On it I wrote a wish for my mother. one word. Peace. Perhaps I should have written "Freedom" or "Release" but peace is what came to mind. In my heart I feel certain God can move her and heal her if she could just quiet the internal storm for a moment.

Then the speaker told us what the large wooden crosses on either side of the stage were for. She said "When Jesus uttered his last words they were "It is finished". Let it be finished. Don't let his sacrifice be for naught. Clinging to your baggage and fearing damnation is not what he had in mind. Let go, be free, fulfill his dream for you. Honor his sacrifice"

As she spoke a sound rang out in the large room. It was the most painful, earth shaking sound I'd ever heard. It was the sound of a nail being driven into a wooden cross. The sound echoed off the walls and pierced my heart. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I was helpless to stop them. One by one each of us nailed our white cards to the wooden cross.

With my mother behind me I hammered my card into the cross and as I did so "I" unclenched. A state of peace came over me like I've never felt before. I have not seen my mother since we left the cross but I have faith and I'm at peace.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

the sound of nails begin driven into the cross.















1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written. You made me cry.

    ReplyDelete