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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Day 157 - Missed Dreams, Destination's Found

“'What should be, is.' As my grandmother explained it to our family the winter she lost three fingertips to frostbite when the furnace in her little house broke and she fell and cracked a hip while trying to light it, 'Accepting life's imperfections is not the secret. The secret, dears, is to understand life has none. How could it? We've got nothing to compare it to. We can dream something up, of course- some pretty maybe life where fingers are very hard and indestructible- but that's pure mischief, darlings. Fingers freeze. It's one of the things they like to do sometimes.'”
~Walter Kirn~

 Seriously Lord? Again?
I'm still waiting on the latest
rejection for the first one *twitch*
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Today's been a struggle. For the very first time since I returned to church more than 19 months ago now, I considered not going. I ended up skipping the Dorcus class, bailing out on God's Garage (our tween youth program) and just going to worship service. This was my first time back since our pastor's death. The last service I attended, Pastor Ken was celebrating Easter. I've also considered church hopping this summer but my heart just isn't in that option. It's one thing to attend the other mother's church occasionally to make her happy, but to actively seek out another church seems like giving up on TC@A and that's just wrong. *sighs*

Before our beloved Pastor went in for surgery, he set up 7 weeks of video's and made our Worship Art's pastor promise that they would be played for his congregation. I've been avoiding and dismissing them but today I went. Guess what? The world did not stop spinning on it's axis, I did not get struck by lighting and there, just as he was when Pastor Ken was on the stage, was God himself. With arms open wide and hands warm and willing to hold mine. And even more coincidentally, Andy Stanly was discussing destinations. Particularly, when you take a path away from your dreams and end up so far from them that you just can't get back.

I connected with this material, but not in the way you might think. I had a vague dream when I was a kid. Rock Superstar or Dolphin trainer. But by the time I was a Jr. in High School I had given up on them all and wanting nothing more than to get out on my own. No matter the cost. I got married the summer between my Jr. and Sr. year of high school and was pregnant 2 days later. My dreams long forgotten and a 26 year separation from God began. It was only about a year ago I allowed God to keep his promise and I rediscovered my love of writing and discovered a new love for photography. When I stop and think of the lifetime of dreams I had missed out on because I got lost on the way to the life God wanted me to have, I can't help but regret.

BUT, today, sitting in the sanctuary 1/2 listening to Andy Stanly God whispered to me and scratched the brain itch. I've known for some time that he has something cooking for me. He is pushing me to learn a few lessons and get prepared. He whispered to me a few weeks back "book 2" and today, he showed me the direction he wants this book to go. "Oh Lord, I'm so not ready". I know what I have to do. I have to lean into the Lord, learn the lessons he has set before me, have faith in his plan and just do it. *quakes in boots* I'm at the bottom of a very large hill. I have one foot in a rollerskate and one foot on a banana peel. At the top of the hill is what God has planned. This is going to be a bumpy ride. *sighs* Well at least I know where I'm going, I have a radical nav system, and my traveling companion is awesome.

Today I'm grateful for:

destinations. No matter low long the journey or how arduous, knowing where you're going is half the battle.

dreams. This new one is way cooler than being a rock superstar and as old as I am, it is not out of my reach. How cool is that?

God whispers. Even when they are scarier than my mother after discovering I had broken a piece of her milk glass. *cringes at the memory*

step one, leaning into God. Check. "God, this is your bright idea. I can't believe you want ME to do this. Me, the chick who has never read the Bible all the way through. I promise, I will never ask "Why me" but I will ask you to drive for awhile. I know where we are going, I just have no idea how to get us there. Care to tell me what's next?"

birthday/father's day plans in motion. I have a plan...

T - X days and counting till our return to paradise. Where I plan on reading books, taking photos and figuring out what my next step may be. Oh, and having a BLAST with my family. Best I can tell, on the "slow" days there will be 9 people living in the condo. This is gonna be epic...

meatloaf for dinner. I LOVE meatloaf.

Sundays. I bet you had no idea it was my favorite day of the week. I learned ya somthin didn't I?

today's quote. It spoke to me. To me, his Grandma was sayin "Whatever happens is what's meant to happen. Don't regret, embrace it. Don't let a few missing fingers rob you of your joy" I think his grandma was very wise.

the tween tude turning into sincere apologies. *sighs* I fear the troll is winning, but at least today I still have my Pixie.

fresh Pixie art. Today's theme "Rock"

Bill Gaither. Even in my pagan days, I LOVED this music. There was something about it that could life me. Guess I wasn't a very good pagan. I'm OK with that.


This just makes my heart hapy

OK, so I coultn't pick just one.

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