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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Day 147 - Coffee Breaks Over

(This joke has been in my family for decades. It's what we call a "dadism". I'm AMAZED I found it on the www Ain't the free Internets just grand?)

A man dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, shows him three doors, and says, "You must spend the rest of eternity in one of the rooms behind these doors. Look in each one and decide which one you want."

The man opens the first door, and sees a bunch of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor, looking very uncomfortable. He opens the second door, and sees a bunch of people standing on their heads on a concrete floor, looking even more uncomfortable. Finally, he opens the third door, and sees a bunch of people standing around chatting and drinking coffee, up to their knees in poo.

"Hmmm," he says, "that looks bad, but it's better than the other two. I'll take the third door." Satan smiles and shows him in.

Ten minutes later Satan walks back into the room and says, "Alright, coffee break's over, everyone back on your heads!"


Yes, yes, I love my job. However, I'm still sick. Today, if my job were tip-toeing through the tulips I'd equate it to hell. 

Oh, and remember me telling you about the hamsters nervous stomach? After 3 days of not eating, he ate the new diet food like a champ. He killed a full bowl when we got home from the vets and a full bowl for dinner last night. He created a nice pile before bed last night. All's good right?.....

Well not quite. The new food worked as a colon cleans. While in his kennel last night he blew. Then he decided to bury it. In his blankets. Even given the condition of my nose, when I opened my bedroom door I knew. My morning started with excavating piles from the hamster's fur, the 2 queen size blankets of his nest, his food/water bowls, the kennel floor, the grates in the kennel, the wall next to the kennel and the carpet under the kennel. *gags*

So, this joke seemed appropriate.

Coffee breaks over, I'm back on my head.

Today I'm Grateful for:

a snout full of snot. Without the snot filter I don't even want to imagine how bad this morning would have smelled.

the fact that the hamster is cute. Cuz if he weren't, I'd be feeling very guilty right now and praying for forgiveness.

Ms. Amy prayers.

faith that there is a desk under all this. There MUST be *digs*

being OK with not working out. I'm not happy about it but I'm not getting all antsy like I have been. I'm guessing it's the large dose of decongestants I'm consuming. I hope I have the will to get back on track as soon as I recover. I'm JUST starting to see some results. It would suck if my pattern of self sabotage returned now. *prays*

a hungry hamster. Even with the colon blow, I'm just glad he's eating. He had me worried.

coffee. Massive quantities of high octane coffee. It's getting me through the day.

a clean email inbox. Took me nearly 2 hours, but the email box & fax folder are empty. Wish I could say the same about my desk. *digs more* I KNOW it's GOT to be here SOMEWHERE.

God. He let me live. I'm grateful for that fact, even if I don't act like it today. Let me apologize in advance for anything offensive/obnoxious/pissy/crude I may say. Tomorrow I'll claim no memory and blame it on the decongestants/Tylenol/Advil/nasal spray.

faith that I will be forgiven. *sneezes, coughs, and gives all around pathetic superhero look*

being indispensable. After 2 day's off I got in nearly an hour early. When the boss arrived I was not greeted with "Explain yourself. Where's your Doctor's note?" I was greeted with "Oh My Word have I missed you! I'm sooooo Glad your back!" yes, my life as a superhero is a good one. At least while I'm on my coffee break *sips coffee and pokes at the piles with the sharpie*

Just cuz it makes me happy

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