I had this HUGE post planned for today and began to think I shouldn't post it.
But then I thought...just do it, You know you wanna. I was right, I did wanna...
It's been pressing on me lately that my blog has become too preachy. That nearly every single post I've made has been substantially about God. It's concerned me to the point where I was considering banning all mention of the Big Guy from my blog. I'm so afraid of looking like one of THOSE people that I'd rather just not mention religion at all.
I'm very touchy on this whole subject of religion. Until recently you would NEVER hear me speak on it in relation to myself. When asked, I would describe myself as a Liberal Taoist with Anarchist tendencies then try to distract you with the whole "tree hugging, trailer trash, pro-choice, pro-gay marriage" thing. Hoping that something in my long winded self description would either make your head explode, or get you off of religion and onto Something/anything else. Either way I was OK with. As most of you know, this has all changed. Events and people in my life have irrevocably changed the direction of my life in such a way as to have tripled my joy and I've been actively "Preaching" about it since. Over the course of the last year or so, my blog has become inundated with MY walk with God. Um, well, yeah...I was about to say "Sorry for that" but I'm not really.
For the Record: I want to clarify a few things...
I am NOT a Christian Conservative. My walk with God has indeed affected my politics. I no longer classify myself as a Liberal with Anarchist tenancies. I classify myself as a Mugwump. Party lines have ceased to exist. To get my vote you must earn it. Contrary to popular belief, not ALL Christians are conservatives. This is a lesson my Pastor was trying to teach me. *whispers* I got it Pastor Ken
I am NOT a Christian. Well, OK, Technically I am but I refuse to use that label. I call myself a God Freak but if you want me to be specific, I am a follower of Christ. The Christ as in the Bible, NOT the Christ that has been twisted by Main Stream Religion.
I AM STILL Pro-Choice and Pro-Gay Marriage. How do I justify this with my new religion? I don't. I feel no need. The God I love is all about love and mercy. When I face him, if I'm wrong, he will know my heart and I will be forgiven. That's all I really need to concentrate on.
I STILL believe in the power of the universe. I STILL believe that life is cyclical and I STILL believe in Karma. All these things are spoken about in the Bible if you know how to look. "Reap what you Sew" "Love thy neighbor as thy self" and so on. Now I simply acknowledge that God is the creator of the Universe and the Grand Orchestrator of life. Again, if I'm wrong, the Big Guy will tell me when I get there.
I'm STILL a mess and I'm STILL a work in progress. I do not now, nor have I ever claimed to have all the answers. Occasionally you will see a broad generalization but I usually catch myself and call myself out as an ass-hole with no encouragement from outside forces. I am occasionally pompous and preachy but I'm never speaking outwardly (despite this being a public blog) I am ALWAYS speaking to myself. If I want to boss myself around and preach at myself, well... the amount of self examination and self evolution that has taken place over the last few years has earned me the right.
This blog is STILL all for me, about me and too me. It is and will remain my journal. The fact that it's public does not change, it simply means I use you, my 21 valiant stalkers, as accountability. My blog is open to comment and interpretation. You are welcome to tell me I'm full of crap, I'm wrong, or I'm just your average village idiot. I am free to care or not. Please note that I am a comment junkie and I LOVE comments. Good or Bad. And in most cases, my stalkers are not random and not strangers. BUT, this blog is not for you it's for me.
I ask myself "If this blog is all for and about you and crap why are you all defensive?" Because I dislike preachy, bossy, know-it-all's with a passion and I have a great fear of becoming one. Because I'm insecure in my relationship with Christ and I'm still looking over my shoulder for my past to catch up with me. That is about the most honest answer I can come up with. NO ONE has called me out but me. 100% of all the feedback I have gotten has been supportive and encouraging. This is just another case of me being my own worst critic and feeling the need to state for the record.
I feel a growth spurt coming and as you all know, those are fairly painful. I get all hinky when God's trying to learn me sumfin. Soooo I think, for the next little bit, I'm going to scale back the old "tude" list and go back to basics. JUST the list and only the list until I'm a tad more secure. And maybe a quote. I do so love quotes. Oh, and a photo. It just wouldn't be right to have a list with no photo! Oh...and maybe a video....they are so much fun to dig for...
Oh yeah...the list....DOH!
growth spurts. No matter how painful and irritating they may be.
food. Oh how I've missed it! Yes, I know it's only been 34 hours but still, a girl can only take so much yo.
cousins. I have several, I love them all. Yes dear, even you...
THIS. It makes me feel better. I find it interesting that it appeared on my Facebook wall the day I'm feeling so defensive.
prayers for Monkey. I didn't forget. That face is impossible to forget.
a good solid workout this morning. I did NOT use my fasting as an excuse. I told myself "Just do it" and I done do'd it.
God. He gets me even when I don't get myself.
brain itches. Something’s cookin. Not sure what yet, but I feel it hatching.
sunshine. Today my mood is as yellow at my blouse and as bright as the sun. I may break into show tunes. How about THIS one?
belt hole #4. I could actually get away with 5 but I don't want to push it. That right there rocks my world. I am reclaiming belt territory one notch at a time!
faith in the committee. God's picked him out, they will bring him home.
SOME self control. There have been moments today where I was actually not chewing.
Lay’s jalapeno kettle chips. Pure spicy, crunchy, goodness. I strongly suggest you not reach for the one on my plate. You may lose a finger.
feeling better. I was pretty worked up over this blog stuff. Purging has released the tension. All my personalities are breathing a collective sigh.
the boss being out of the office most of the day. This has allowed me to purge uninterrupted.
Kelly getting a job.
for the fact that my baby turns 28 soon and I don't feel old. Because I am NOT old enough to have a 28 year old daughter. Well, at least not mentally.
peanut butter. Mix peanut butter with jalapeno chips and you have heaven on a place. Hmmmm....maybe that fast went to my head.
afterclap. Today's Dictionary.com word of the day. It made me giggle.
my hero. He disposed of a snake. Snakes are this superhero's kryptonite.
the Pixies soft heart. She was very sad about the death of the snake and rather miffed at her father and I. She asked "What if it had babies?" her heart is so large and so soft, I am both grateful and fearful. The first time it's broken *groans*; I don't even want to think about it. I'm keeping the metal spork handy JIC.
the perfect ride. Last night’s ride with the big pink pike was just beyond wonderful. Had my butt not gone numb, I'd still be out there.
being happy. Looking forward or looking back, all I see is joy. Dude, that's epic right there, you have no idea.