Today I'm Grateful for:
the ability to listen. This is one of those "future" gratitudes cuz, well, yeah...
the chance to become a better listener. Good Lord I hope it don't kill me.
self delusions. I'm convinced I've dropped a TON of weight and my metabolism is back to normal. I have no proof since the scale and I are still not talking. I thought about weighing myself this morning but I like my delusions. Just "feeling" thinner has been a great non-chemical mood stabilizer.
a BIG workout. 10 minutes power walk, 6 sprints, full calisthenics. Yeah, I left a puddle on the treadmill and it's not cuz I spilled my water again. I only get one workout today, I made damn sure it counted triple.
an orchestrated life. It may be orchestrated chaos, but it's all mine. It's wild and it's wonderful and I flat out enjoy my life. THAT makes it a life well spent. I've got no great monument, no legacy, no inheritance for my kids. Nothing to mark my life as extraordinary in human terms. I'm OK with that. At the end of my life my daughters will say "Mom got it and was happy about it" That's enough for me.
my morning "AhA!" moment. I've been wondering why I've not heard God's voice in quite some time. I figured it out this morning. I'm too busy praying to hear him. I need to shut up and listen. I hear God's voice loudest when my heart is quiet. THIS is why he lined everything up so perfectly for me to study James. Oooh boy, this is going to be a very hard lesson to learn and I suspect....rather painful. Yes folks, it hurts me to "sit there and shut up". I think I will practice it at Bible study tonight. It will freak them out. May as well get a little giggle out of it.
worthwhile lessons. I must learn how to quiet my heart and mind. If I make conscious effort no matter how uncomfortable, I know God has a purpose for me to fulfill. It may be as simple as doing what I'm doing now, but I'm so busy praying about it and stressing about it, I can't hear him. Being still is a skill I should have developed years ago but hey, better late than never right?
Seriously dude, I have real listening issues. I blame it on the internet. If it's more than a blurb I can't be bothered. I've lost my....OK, I'm a Connor, I never HAD the ability to lose. When I was growing up, after a meal, we would spend HOURS sitting at the dining room table talking. I was an only child and I was NOT excused. I spent hours listening to the most fascinating conversations where no one ever finished a thought. Before the speaker completed a sentence, another speaker responded. It was like they had their own language and were verbally dancing.
Unfortunately what it created in me is this habit of hearing 3 or 4 words, interpreting what the speaker was attempting to say and jumping in with my reply before the speaker was finished speaking. Apparently my skills at interpretation are very poor. There is no secret language, no verbal dancing, just a frustrated speaker and a clueless Beth.
It's time for me to learn to listen and to be mentally still. To stop interpreting and start hearing. I keep getting the idea that God has a mission for me but in order for me to be ready, I must learn to still my tongue and sharpen my ears. I don't know if I'm up for the challenge but I do believe God never asks us to do something beyond our ability. So, I'll just sit over here and shut the heck up.
Are we done yet?
OK, OK, I'm quite.....
NO REALLY THIS TIME....
*makes zipped lip action*
See? I threw away the key.....
Awe crap, this is gonna be hard...