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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Day 62 - 2 steps back

"Fall seven times, get up eight."
~Japanese Proverb~

******

Today I'm Grateful for:

getting up, brushing off, and starting all over again.

the look on my husband’s face last night. That snapped me out of my tirade quicker than you can say "Epic Fail"

walkies. I hadn't noticed how much I missed them till I screamed that I would never do it again.

faith my man will forgive and forget. Unlike his wife, he rarely holds a grudge.

blue ink pen. I've been using black so long it's a nice change. Hey, don't judge. It's one of those days...

boss 1 and boss 2. Watching their morning snogging warmed my heart. HEY! I'm not a voyeur, they were right in front of my glass cage!

a peaceful office. Given the way the new guy "left", I don't anticipating it staying this way. I may as well enjoy it while I can. (since this, he has returned and there went our peace. There is much shouting, banging, packing, and boss 2 has strapped his gun on. I'm tempted to hide under my desk)

God's not so subtle hints. Out of 91 unopened podcasts, I choose to listen to this one this morning. Given last night’s epic fail, I find that, once again, God is 12 steps ahead.

the anticipation of couch time with my favorite human and my favorite reality TV show. I may have to bribe him to hold my hand but hey, he's worth it. *crosses heart* I Promise I will not bite. Anymore.

my husband’s epic skills. Not sure how he did it but he came to the rescue of my obsessed brain and found the name of a B movie made in 1975. He freakin rocks, even when he's slightly miffed at his wife.

Yes, yes, I'm cheating again
but given my recent offences this is the least of my issues.
(in editing this post I realized this was one giant suck up to my husband
that makes this photo is very fitting)
He looks better in Chocolate brown.
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Last night Ms. Shankabitch came out so violently and suddenly it left me shaken and the man disheartened. He lost some respect for me last night and rightly so. I lost a bit also. What happened to set her off? The man proudly announced he has lost 8 lbs in 2 weeks. My first reaction was sincere happiness in his accomplishment. Unfortunately it came with an equal helping of jealousy and bitterness. That bitterness completely rewrote my man to English dictionary so when I said "Nice babe! Sure wish I could do that." and he replied "Just do what I did" I heard "Get off your lazy fat ass and drop the biscuit".

Um, yeah, Ms. Shankabitch came roaring out like a ninja armed with a double handed broad spork with +5 to wound pride. She must have broken loose of her bondage some time ago, and has been hiding out in the dark corners of my subconscious juggling sporks and sharpening her claws. All this time I thought I was balanced but there were signs that I was not. I gave up on working out, something I've grown to love, I lashed out at the hamster not just once, but several times and my eating has been controlled chaos at best.

A combination of my guilt, the epic fail sign flashing in my head and a sore shoulder kept me up most of the night. Two visuals played over and over in my head. The first, and most painful, is of the face of my dear husband when he said "That is a REALLY bad attitude" and had a such look of disappointment on face that it stung painfully. The second was a visual of Ms. Shankabitch laying in wait. I know exactly what she looks like now. I saw her clearly in an old movie I had seen years and years ago but the name of the movie and actress escaped me. This of course, exacerbated my insomnia. Eearly this morning my husband came to the rescue and found the name.

SOMEONE out there HAS to remember this movie. Trilogy of Terror? It came out in the mid-70's. Anyways, one of the stories is about this woman who received a gift it the mail. It was a small statue with a charm around its neck. When the charm falls off the statue comes alive and tries to kill her. The very last scene of this story is the scariest of the entire movie. It's her, sitting in her trashed and darkened kitchen. She has this HUGE knife and she is just stabbing the floor repeatedly with it waiting for a victim. *shivers* That my dear stalkers is Ms. Shankabitch.

Oh come on....You know you wanna
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLFqtrm2R1s

This is who I fight on a regular basis and who spewed negativity all over my poor unsuspecting husband. *sighs* Yeah, I have some work to do. Not only do I need to fix my negative attitude, but I have to earn back what I lost. I think I'll start by taking the hamster for a nice long walk tonight. Weather be dammed.

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