Looking Back while Moving Forward

Meet Mr. Woof
05/25/2020

About a week ago I decided I really needed to get back to a daily gratitude list. I haven't been consistent in a very long time. I've always needed the accountability of living my life out loud so a blog is a great format for me. I did a random search of "Free Blogging websites" and OMG my old blog popped up. It just happens that I found the one from 2010. Was this a sign? An omen? Realistically it was just happenstance but I'm going to run with it. 

Peeking through the window of time is both enjoyable and dangerous. I see who I was, who I became and who I lost. A lot of that me is still here but in a more watered down form. My passion is weak, my photography poor, my walk with Christ nearly non-existent. I will never be who I was. That was a different journey in a different time. I used to call myself an "entity in Flux" I believe it's time to flux again. I've never been afraid of change. 

This blog has broken links and missing photos but it still has it's content. What I was doing that day and what I was grateful for. I'm not going back to fix anything. I've had to remove all the fancy gizmos due to broken or removed data. Going forward I'm going to do one photo and a gratitude list. You know what hey say "Keep it simple Stupid" 

So here we go...

Today I'm grateful for:

God. He's here even though I'm not

prayer.  I prayed for the first time in a very long time 3 days ago. My prayer was answered in part. I'm still praying to hear God's voice giving me clear direction and praying that I can tell the difference between God's voice and my own. The voices in my head have gotten louder over the last 10 years but my listening skills have not improved. 

my dad being OK. He has one lung, is suffering from dementia and is in a nursing home. He also tested positive for Covid 19. He had zero symptoms and over the last 3 weeks has tested negative. They are moving him back to his room this week. Answered prayer

my mom. She's alone in a different nursing home from my dad. She suffers from sever anxiety but amazingly, she is dealing with all of this with uncustomary calm. Another prayer answered

a beautiful yard. The new man in my life is a grass whisperer. It's amazing and afire with the beautiful smiling faces of posies, pansies, daisies and birds. Apparently, he is a bird whisperer as well. 

picking up my camera. After I lost my business about 8 years ago I couldn't even look at it. The fact that I dragged it across 3 states in 3 years and it made the cut from 1,400 square feet home to what would fit in my car is a testament to my own stubbornness. It's time to pick it up again. My pictures suck and are rarely in focus due to the medications I'm on all causing tremors but I'm gonna try. Every. Day. Dammit.

surviving the last 10 years. I lost a 30 year marriage, my beloved brother and mother in law have passed, I've lost my home, several jobs, and my credit rating but I've survived it all. This is not an answered prayer because I refused to pray. It's a testament to God's stubbornness love. 

getting out of bed, showering regularly, cooking, cleaning and all the things a normal, functioning human does in a day. It's been 2 years since I've done these things. It feels good and I've managed to lose 12 lbs and 2 pant sizes. 

being a badass unicorn. I don't know what it is but it sounds awesome. My daughters say I am one it must be true. 

My daughters. They are epic humans. I can't take credit. They had to raise themselves as I was absent even when I was in the room. They survived me and when I was a babe just taking my first steps into sanity, they raised me right. All the good that is in me came from them. 

getting back on the horse. I'm going to go for a ride to see where it takes me.