Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Day 306 - Uncle!
Yes, again. I'm slightly off. I'm tilted to the right and off balance. I have no idea why. Well, that's a lie. I do know why. Because I'm a Bi-Polar, Menopausal Superhero. My moods change faster than this woman can change her dress.
I'm disconnected, unmotivated, crabby and pissy. I think I've actually caught glimpses of Ms. Shankabitch *twitch*
Why? I mean I was just given a spectacular gift. Several in fact. What have "I" got to be pissy about?
I call Uncle. I fold. I give in. It's now time for me to face my demons and do what I've been avoiding for 2 years now. Armed with my freshly minted Medical Insurance card *insert angels singing* I am headed to the Dr.
I'm done with the "natural" way. I'm done fearing the weight gain. I'm done worrying about what the added chemicals will do to my mental heath and stability. I need to remind myself that Change and I have made up. Change is a good thing. And, in the end, if I don't like what the Drs. are pushing, I can "just say no"
I have both God and my Shrink on speed dial. It will be OK.
Today I'm grateful for:
change. I just need to remind myself that it works both ways.
sleep. I managed to get a reasonable amount of sleep last night. In between hot flashes and trips to the bathroom.
crumpled schedules. Remember that "new and improved" schedule I blogged about not to long ago? Yeah, I played air ball with it this morning. I am now flying by the seat of my pants. Hope Kelly's up for a flying lesson. Cuz I have no idea how to land this thing.
God. Because no matter where I land, or how hard I land, he is there to catch me.
channeling the Pony Man. Lilly is singing to me. She is singing Gordon Lightfoot's "Pony Man". For 2 minutes I drop the stress of my day and just listen. I let it seep in and cool off the hot flash, clear the brain static, and unclench. Like a mini smoke break without the smokes.
Take a moment. Unclench with me.