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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Day 285 - Just...Off


That's me today. There's a tension on my shoulders I can't release, a clench in my stomach I can't unclench. Like my body knows somethings about to happen and is annoyed that I don't get it. The good news is I'm getting better and better at reading my moods. This one is the mood I get every year about mid-fall. Change is in the air, literally. The weather is amazingly beautiful and as I soak it in, my body says "Whoa, Overdose of Happy, well we need to squelch that crap right now."

Last evening, right at the start of sunset. When the sky turns a pale pink at the horizon. Roy and I took our walk. We walked to the Pixies old Elementary school and back. As we walked the sky turned from pale pink, to hot pink, to bright orange, to golden yellow, to butter yellow, back to pale pink. As we walked the street lights began to come on and I realized just how much I loved my slice of paradise. I got a little weepy and said a thank you to God for the amazing life he gave me. I sniffed and wiped my nose on my bare arm. The hamster looked at up at me "What, you lick your butt, don't judge"

My walk last night felt so good I should have known this was coming. But you know what? I know the cure. I said my prayers this morning "Dear Lord, I know you love me even when my heart is off kilter. I know my life is as blessed as any rock stars, and I know how deep you love me. Please make whatever you will of this day, this mood, this me. I submit gracefully."

And at the end of the day, I will find the cure as I walk with a hamster through my slice of paradise, watching the sky turn from pale pink to pale pink. There I will find Peace.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

feeling off. It makes the weepy, lovey, happy bits all the sweeter

photo books. One came in yesterday and it turned out so good! I can't wait to give it away!

a weekend away with my favorite human. A night in a hotel room and a romantic dinner. Nothing sounds better than that. I bet we even hold hands and walk in the moonlight. *dramatic sigh*

Key's peaceful death. The viewing and burial was yesterday. He was returned to the sea by way of the porcelain portal. He leaves behind his key tree unguarded and his human missing his listening skills. "You will be missed dear friend."

finding my own hat. For a few years now, I've shamefully lusted in my heart over a hat that resides in Iowa. This weekend I've found my own. I think I like it even better than the cape and sharpie. At least it's truth in advertising.

being 47. I like my age. I'm not so young that I think I know it all and have to prove it. I'm not so old I can't remember it all. I'm just old enough to know I don't know everything but I'm comfortable in my ignorance. Oprah says 50 is the best age. Well I always knew Oprah didn't know jack. She skipped right over 47 without a backwards glance.

my encounter with my former shrink the other day. Friday in fact. I was funny as hell. Thanks Chris. I needed that laugh! I'm sorry, but any time your former shrink tries to pick you up for solicitation is freakin hilarious dude. I'll ride that laugh at least another day.

this song. It reminds me of Paula's secret garden and the early mornings I got lost in it and of fluffy headed chickens and moss covered gargoyles and the sheer joy a butterfly brought me. This song helps me keep Paula's secret garden with me always. It's a great album. I wish I could find the title track, but this one is good too.

As the BFF and I walked about shooting zombies and various and asundry other bits and bobbs, we discovered we like to shoot the same odd things. Doors, windows, angles, reflections, abandoned and abused buildings, rusty bits....Guess that's why we're BFF's huh?

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