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Thursday, September 9, 2010

Day 252 - The Athole Invasion


My day started before I even put my purse down. I walked into the office to a ringing phone. I answered it and I was ear to face with an owner who had an irate of epic proportion. She all out accused ME of stealing her money. I knew I was going to have to send this woman up the food chain right to boss 1. This only seemed to maker this woman more angry. I hung up and said "Athole! Athole! Athole!"

And the day only got worse from there. Every call, every walk in, every email was someone being an Athole! I talked with one vendor, who was himself an athole, and he said "Yeah, there seems to be something in the water today. Today is brought to you by the word "Rude" which I thought was rather whitty and not very Atholeish and I told him so.

By 10AM Julie was in my office. She looked a little distressed. If you knew Julie, you'd know that is very unJulie like. She was shaking her head and she just said "Oh the Rudeness today! I don't understand it!" This is when I called on the magic hot pink sharpie of charm and said "We can't let the Atholes win Julie. When they are mean and nasty we double the charm. Then, when they hang up we call them names, disparage their mothers and say things like "I bet your kid eats banana's with it's feet" to make ourselves feel better.

Then Lisa calls me. She got a disturbing email. Seems the atholes have crossed state lines. "Let it go Lisa. It seems the world has taken a handful of Athole! pills today or al qaeda has developed a new "Athole bomb" OR OR it's an Athole! invasion! Aliens have come to earth and invaded the bodies of normally nice and reasonable people turning them into Atholes! Either way, we can't let them win!"

By 2PM I was walking listlessly about my office looking shell shocked and muttering softly to myself "I will not be an athole, I will not become an athole, the atholes will not win"

They nearly got me too but they didn't win. Just before 3PM a vendor called to tell me he managed to do the impossible AND it was free of charge! I asked him about the "Athole invasion" and he said he felt it too. I told him that his call had stemmed the tide, that from here out the day would improve. He said "yeah! I'm with you! The Atholes will not win and my fax machine just got fixed! Things are looking up! Have a great day Beth!" "You too Dan!"

My last email of the day? A little old lady who was a mid-afternoon Athole email replied to my reply. Her email was in fact, one of the less atholey emails I got today, but she replied

"Dear Beth. I'm sorry if I was an Athole. I was confused and just wanted to understand. Thank  you so much for your reply. I will wait for Mussettes call. Have a nice night. Sincerely Pxx"

I printed it out and told Julie I wanted it framed. It ended my day on a kind and gentle note. That ONE email erased all the effects of the Athole! invasion. You, out there, on the other side of the glass, NEVER underestimate the power of your words. Are you an Athole or are you the Athole eraser?

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

athole erasers.

little old ladies who say "Athole!" it made me snort my chai tea.

Chai Tea. Dude, that stuffed saved a life today.

the return of Ms. Shankabitch. She snuck out for a moment or two just in time to supply me with a few interesting words and hand gestures. She is now back in her duct tape prison but it felt good to have her back. Like putting on an itchy old bra.

not letting them win.

putting the God rock in first. I know that's what kept them from winning.

that feeling you get when you pull into your driveway after an extraordinarily bad day. That moment when you turn off the engine and the iPod and just sit there breathing it in. That moment when you can almost hear the universe exhale slowly and say "Ahhhhhhhhh"

happy hamster dances. When Roy nearly knocks himself unconscious with his own tail in order to welcome you home. When his entire body actively shows you that YOU are HIS whole world.

welcome homes. The man's are the best. He gives epic 2 arm hugs. I bury my face in his neck and breath in the smell of home.

the secret. When, at the end of an epically bad day, you can say with 100% honesty "I had a good day" you've found the secret. I guess I've found the secret. Mind if I share it with you?

gratitude. It refocuses your perceptive and makes you realize there really was no Athole! invasion. It reminds me of all the little moments that were good and takes power away from all the bad.

passion berry wood wick candles. They smell AWESOME and they crackle like a roaring fire. They are perfect protection from the Athole! invasion.


  1. Glad I was home and away from the athole invasion today. I talk a big game about spreading the happy but, you know better than most it really doesn't take all that much to make my claws come out. However, to answer your question **raises hand** I wanna be an
    athole(!) eraser!!!! Though, I'm not quite sure how to erase portions of myself... And I have to ask what is this God rock you speak of??

  2. You my young padawan are not an Athole! and the force is stronger in you than you may realize. You simply need to exercise it more. Here's a workout routine for you. Go locate thee an Athole. Then address Athole with respect and charm no matter what said Athole! does or says. Then release said Athole back into the Wild not only unharmed but improved. Then you will become a great Athole! eraser.

    The God rock is a metaphor of course. Watch this:

    Now go drink a cup of coffee with an Athole! and may the force be with you.