Let me give you a visual.
I am a rabbit all soft and fluffy. I am on the yellow center line of a 2 lane highway. Traffic whizzing past in both directions. It's August and you can see the heat waves radiating from the surface of the blacktop. My little feet are going like mad trying to escape burning. The smell of singed fur strong in my nose.
On one side of the road is my modest little warren, tucked under a gently rolling grassy knoll. It's snug and sweet and has been my haven for nearly 11 years now. It's gently pulling at my heartstrings, calling me home.
On the other side of the road is a beautiful warren fancy and spacious. It's tucked into a new area prime and ripe with new adventures. The warren it's built into a large hill with thick green grass and wild orchids. It calls to a part of my I never knew existed. It says "Come, let me show you how the other half lives".
Both directions call me, both have traps, adventures, and joy. My mind races with each hop of my tiny burned feet. Which way do I go? With each hop of my unlucky feet my mind changes. "I will return home to where I raised my young" but wait..."I will move upward making room for a new stage of my life"
So, here I sit, the Rabbit in the Middle, just trying to go home...
Choices. No matter how hard the choice may be.
home. I know what makes a home and I know the value of it. The choice may be hard but because of this hard won wisdom I know I will be OK either way.
memories I take with me no matter where I go.
God whispers. Right now he's saying "Trust me, I know what I'm doing"
failing. I failed 4 hours from the finish line.
18 extra minutes of snooze time. That's right my 22 stalkers, I blew off my morning workout and slapped the snooze button twice. It was simply scrumptious.
a hot bath in the morning. There is nothing more decadent than a hot bath on a weekday morning. I wallowed in the warm water and I shaved my legs properly. *sings* Oh I like being a girl.
my man. Upon finding me still in bed after his shower, all he said was "You getting up?" Upon me failing my fast last night all he said was "Why do you need to skip a meal?" *girly sigh* My man's is dreamy
starting over. Today I try and bridle my tongue. I'll save the fast for another day. I fear more failure should I try and attempt both in the same day.
my boyfriend and his mother jokes.
the hug delivery boy. He delivered my hug from boyfriend #2 and didn't even complain when I didn't tip him.
that my man knows exactly what I'm talking about. No explanation required.
my warren. I remember a time, when I first got sober & smoke free and had to drive the gauntlet of liquor stores to get to it. I remember the feeling of pulling up in the driveway and my body relaxing as if I'd been holding my breath the entire way home. I remember thinking "I've made it another day." knowing once tucked in to my little warren I was protected from my own addictions. That is ONE memory of a thousand created within its walls. I also know these memories travel. They go where I go.