Day 129 - A Love Letter to my Daughters

Dearest Daughters:

Tonight I sit in my dark office listening to gleeful giggles of girls and I am moved. My heart overflows and my mind reaches back in time and I remember. I remember the sound of your newborn cries, I remember how your tiny pink lips would form perfect O's when you would talk to angels only you could see, and I remember the music in your unrestrained laughter.

I remember you Lisa. I remember "Uh, O, Spaghetti oh's!" for the thousandth time. I remember you informing your grandmother how bee's delivered the honey to the stores. I remember sitting at the dining room table after a formal dinner and you getting a room full of adults to sing "5 little ducks went out to play". I remember you making me laugh to escape a spanking. I remember the feel of your arms around my neck when you showed me how much you loved me. I remember long talks in the dark under our carport. I remember left over Don Pablo’s and I remember dancing to "Butterfly kisses". I remember you teaching little sister #1 about condoms and little siter #2 to stick out her tongue. I remember long distant cries in the dark and I remember seeing you with your first born. I remember you.

I remember you Kelly. I remember "The Face". I remember full bottles in flight. I remember the "Bite me, Eat me" game. I remember the summer of black eyes. I remember our walks just you and me. I remember a discussion about pet elephants. I remember your fear of escalators and your huge smile when you over came it. I remember you sharing your secret. I remember left handed guitars. I remember how proud you were of me when I said "yes, and?" and I remember how proud I was of you upon your graduation. I remember our last walk together on your graduation night. I remember your son and I remember you.

I remember you June. I remember kissing your bald head. I remember the smell of baby lotion on clean skin. I remember pink EVERYWHERE. I remember your perfect laugh. I remember the sound of your breathing in the dark. I remember you getting your first tooth and I remember your losing your last baby tooth. I remember you singing "You are my Sunshine". I remember "A Bug's Life" for the millionth time. I remember my supermodel hippie in training. I remember the Amnesty game. I remember you telling me your secret wish to be a garden Pixie. I remember your promise to keep the troll at bay. I remember you.

From now to the end of my life, I will remember how profoundly grateful I am to you three women for letting me be your mother. I will remember to be grateful every day for the privilege of your unconditional love. I will remember to carry your heart with me always.

I love you,

Mommy

P.S. To you my adopted daughter. I remember you too. I have no stories from when you were young yet I carry you in my heart. Thank you for adopting me.

i carry your heart with me

by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart

i am never without it, anywhere i go you go, my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling

i fear no fate, for you are my fate,my sweet

i want no world for beautiful you are my world,my true

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart i carry, it in my heart