~Julia Moss Seton~
Don't let today's title fool you. It has nothing to do with me being physically fit but with me throwing a fit this morning. *sighs*
A bunch of minor things like my butt setting my iPod to some odd setting while I was doing my ab-crunches, like that weird setting making my workout playlist skip to my God Freak playlist, like my earphone cord getting hooked on the button on my shorts, like my arm getting tangled in the ear phone cord and sending my iPod shooting across the room, like me knocking over my glass of water. All this flew me into a rage so large that it spilled over into the back yard. The poor Pixie, wondering what on earth was going on, was greeted this morning by a crazed woman with her hair in a black headband sweating profusely and grunting in her direction "Mom's having a fit, best go back to your room so you don't step in it"
Um, yeah, picture the Tasmanian devil swirling around my living room in a blond wig and a "I love NY" sweat soaked tee, spurting obscenities and yelling at God "THIS is NOT the way to teach me a lesson dude!" well...you get the idea. As I mopped up the water, dried off the treadmill, checked the iPod for working order, assured the hamster it was not him I was mad at, I began to cool down. As you can guess, the inevitable guilt kicked in.
I waited for God to send me a message "That kinda behavior is NOT OK dude" but it never came. Instead I finished my workout with a bang and an extra sprint, Roy was a GREAT boy and it took less than 3 minutes for him to try some poo flinging and I calmly said "STOP, wait" took him outside and said "Go Potty HERE" and he did, and made no further attempt to fling poo. Then I said a quick "Please forgive me Lord. I'm an ass but you love me anyway. Thanks for that".
Still feeling guilty, like a kid with her hand caught in her mother’s purse, I kept expecting my "punishment" but it never came. Instead, when I walked into my closet to decide what to wear, I spied my little red Styx tee, the one I have been too large to wear for over a year now. I heard a whisper in my ear say "Try it on". I thought to myself "OK, here comes the punishment. I'm going to put this on and I'm going to look like a bleeding manatee" "Oh well, I have it coming" and I tried it on. Guess what.....It fit! Not only did it fit, but I look smokin in it! Standing there in my little red Styx tee and undies I say to God "You know you are rewarding bad behavior don't you?"
Here I could say I heard God's voice, or had a great AHA! moment, or something, but that would compound my bad behavior. What I got was much better, I got a memory. Of a time when I was about 9 and my dad caught me stealing from my mom's purse:
He didn't yell or scream or tell me what a bad seed I was. Instead he took me to Woolworth’s with him. As he was picking up the stuff on my mother’s list I wandered the jewelry isle. When my dad came to find me I was fingering this pair of pretty little earrings. They were dangling red, white and blue stars and I remember thinking "if I was not such a bad child, my daddy would buy these for me". Still feeling horribly guilty I turned away from the pretty stars and watched, mouth agape, as my father picked them up and headed to the check-out isle saying nothing.
I burst into tears and sobbed LOUDLY "Daddy I don't deserve them! I was bad!" (funny, this memory still makes me cry *wipes eyes*) and my father turned to me and said "Beth Ann, if we all got what we deserved, who amung us would escape hanging?" This was very deep for a 9 year old and a very "Dad" thing to say but I got it. He said in his own way "Yes, you were bad, but I've been bad before too and someone forgave me" and in a very "Dad" way he said "I love you".
You know how memories are. This one came back in a flash and all I really heard was my dad's voice saying "If we all got what we deserve" Standing there in my closet, still in nothing but my little red tee and undies I smiled and said "God...You rock" *makes the rock-n-roll hand gesture and bobs head* "Thanks, I love you too"
(I still have one of those earrings in my jewelry box. I find it every once in awhile when I dig around in there looking through bits of string, baby teeth and random bits of broken macaroni necklaces. Every time I see it I'm reminded my daddy loves me and that it's OK not to be perfect.)
Naawwha! Not that face!
Today I'm grateful for:
being loved unconditionally. I don't deserve it. That's the point.
my super fit not spilling over onto the Pixie or the Hamster.
my conversation with June this morning. It went like this:
Me: "Do I look fat in this tee?"
Pixie: "Nope! You look great!"
Me: "Would you tell me if I did?"
Me: "But you really mean it this morning?"
Pixie: "Yup. *sly smile* Who's Styx?"
Me: *sighs* "Love you, don't forget your lunch" *kiss*
I giggled ½ way to work. My kid rocks.
my man. He never let it show and gave the Pixie a very good birthday. We more than made up for the one she lost last year. Every time I think I can't love him more, I'm proven wrong. Now I hope I can give him what he needs. I don't deserve him either. Guess God's been talkin to him too.
little red Styx Rocker Tees. No way I'm wearing the purple cape today. I look'n way too good. *wiggles hips*
no piles on Wilson and a teaching moment for Roy. Atta'Boy Roy!
good birthdays and black iPods named Phillip.
extra Pixie kisses the day AFTER her 13th birthday. No sign of the troll.....yet
a good workout. I did 5 sprints & 25 ab-crunches and had a super fit. You'd be surprised what good cardio a super fit can be.
little puppies with big bones. It's hilarious to watch. (do get your mind out of the gutter Lisa Jean)
50 days 1201 hours 72099 minutes 4325982 seconds till paradise
my little "quit smoking timer" program. It said:
Beth - Free and Healing for One Year, Eight Months, Five Days, 23 Hours and 23 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 127 Days and 16 Hours, by avoiding the use of 36778 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $6,601.13. (and this is back when a pack was only $3.50. Now it's nearly doubled)
counters. They tell me where I'm going and show me where I've been.
secrets. I have one. I'm not telling so there! *looks smug*
Styx. Freakin awesome band dude.