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Monday, March 29, 2010

Day 88 - I've been waiting

How much of human life is lost in waiting.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Today I'm grateful for:

no longer waiting. I've been waiting for spring, I've been waiting for publication, I've been waiting for attention, I've been waiting for my church communality to do what I've been expecting it to do for 18 months, I've been waiting for God to reveal his plan, I've been waiting for affection, I've been waiting for this excess weight to fall off. I'm done waiting.

anticipation. I am delightfully anticipating face time with my favorite human, summer picnics with a garden pixie, my return to paradise, for God to move me in his direction, my next work-out, walkies with Roy, Sunday with The Church @ Argyle, more life to just happen to me.

today's quote. It did not escape me that Mr. Emerson did not end that sentence with a ? but a . I will waste no more time on waiting.

my gifts. I've waited all my life to discover just what my gifts were. My Sunday School teacher told me God gave me a gift. Something that was uniquely mine, which would fulfill my life and show me how I was to serve him. So, I waited. Then I gave up waiting and just doubted. Then I gave up doubting and KNEW. Then I began to wonder. Then I began to have faith. Then they were revealed. My gifts are new and exciting and fulfill me in ways I never knew possible. They may not change the world but they have changed my world and they have allowed me to serve. This rocks my world.

my church community. The people at The Church at Argyle are the most unique gaggle of Christians I've ever had the blessing to hug. For nearly 18 months now I've been waiting for that "Christian attitude" to surface. I've been picking apart, waiting to pounce and actively goading my fellow congregation into doing exactly what I'd excepted them to do. All so I could go back to my old life and say "See! I gave it a try and THIS is what happened!" They have thwarted every attempt. They have accepted me, my attitude, my nature, my goading and my ways and loved me though my process of change. I'm done waiting. They've earned my faith in them as surely as they've lead me back to my faith in God. If your ever in Jacksonville and you want to know what REAL Christians look like, I invite you to come and visit. You can sit in my row. If you're ever in Georgia you can visit North Point Community Church at one of their 3 campuses. Don't want to go to church but curious enough to want a peak? The North Point link has many videos free on their website you can watch. No special download required. Don't ask me why I love them so, it's impossible for me to properly explain. It's just something you have to see to believe.

Little Red Tree Publishing. I've been waiting to submit my manuscript for the "right" publisher to come along. Now, don't get me wrong, I've been mailing and emailing query letters like mad. Yes, even though I said I was done. Hey, don't judge me, I meant it when I said it! However, I have not once, officially submitted it. Then a Facebook friend posted a link on my wall with a simple query of his own "?"  I figured "why not?" and I placed a query through their on-line contact form, very informally and waited for the obligatory automated reply. Guess what? I got a PERSONAL reply from one of the founders of the company. I know...Right!? That NEVER happens. Oh, there's more...I received not one, but TWO personal replies. Not a cold and impersonal kinda replay either; it had sincerity and a bit of humor as well! Seriously, I'm going to frame this thing and hang it in my office. This is not an attempt to suck up either. Believe it or not, I have some decorum; I have not given them my blog link so there! *smirks in your general direction* Whether or not they decide my book is worthy, I find this house a breath of fresh air and will recomend them with abandon. I ask you my 10 loyal stalkers and Mom, spread the word of this publishing house to all, far and wide.

moving past the fear. This is one of those "future" gratitude’s I throw in from time to time. You know, one of those "I'm going to state it now, be grateful for it now, in the hopes of attracting it in the future" things. I want to stop waiting for the fear to subside. I have several fears that seem to crop up from time to time. Most I can deal with because really, as a city girl, how often am I face to face with a snake? But there are a couple "fear of looking foolish" is a HUGE one, "fear of losing my husband’s love" is another, "fear of death" but honestly, this one is not as big as it used to be. When your staring down the barrel of an eternity in hell, death is kinda scary, but when you have faith and know heaven awaits, death is much less so. For now I'm left waiting for the fear to ebb but I'll be grateful for it anyway. One day it will cease to be a future gratitude. That will be a great day.

I wait for Spring no longer. It has sprung

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On the drive into work this morning I was listening to the Podcast from North Point. It is one of my favorite things about Monday Mornings. Today's was called "I love my Church" and it got me to thinking "What am I waiting for?" Why can't I just admit it? Where once I hated Christians as a whole, now I am one. Organically, and without intent, my Taoist beliefs have merged and morphed with my Christian faith to become one. What am I waiting for?

Lord I wait too much. I am a Christian, I am no longer ashamed, I am no longer seeking to challenge those around me to justify their faith, I am no longer angry, I am no longer waiting. Lead me Father to the Beth you wish me to be. I am ready. This I pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

3 comments:

  1. Yay for moving past The Fear. It's a constant battle, but one that is well worth it. And I'm sending out good vibes on your publishing bit. I say, no matter what, that is a GOOD story.

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  2. Awesome, Beth. I'm glad you're not waiting any longer. It gives me hope that my waiting will end, too. :)

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  3. Thanks Ms. B! I feel the good vibes. I'm all warm and tingly!

    Sarah, I just KNOW there is THE property out there for you! It's calling your name right now. Can you hear it? *hugs*

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