The 365 day Adventure into Gratitude

Day 306 - Uncle!

2010-11-02T10:15:00.005-04:00

Yes, again. I'm slightly off. I'm tilted to the right and off balance. I have no idea why. Well, that's a lie. I do know why. Because I'm a Bi-Polar, Menopausal Superhero. My moods change faster than this woman can change her dress.

I'm disconnected, unmotivated, crabby and pissy. I think I've actually caught glimpses of Ms. Shankabitch *twitch*

Why? I mean I was just given a spectacular gift. Several in fact. What have "I" got to be pissy about?

UNCLE!

I call Uncle. I fold. I give in. It's now time for me to face my demons and do what I've been avoiding for 2 years now. Armed with my freshly minted Medical Insurance card *insert angels singing* I am headed to the Dr.

I'm done with the "natural" way. I'm done fearing the weight gain. I'm done worrying about what the added chemicals will do to my mental heath and stability. I need to remind myself that Change and I have made up. Change is a good thing. And, in the end, if I don't like what the Drs. are pushing, I can "just say no"

I have both God and my Shrink on speed dial. It will be OK.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

change. I just need to remind myself that it works both ways.

sleep. I managed to get a reasonable amount of sleep last night. In between hot flashes and trips to the bathroom.

crumpled schedules. Remember that "new and improved" schedule I blogged about not to long ago? Yeah, I played air ball with it this morning. I am now flying by the seat of my pants. Hope Kelly's up for a flying lesson. Cuz I have no idea how to land this thing.

God. Because no matter where I land, or how hard I land, he is there to catch me.

channeling the Pony Man. Lilly is singing to me. She is singing Gordon Lightfoot's "Pony Man". For 2 minutes I drop the stress of my day and just listen. I let it seep in and cool off the hot flash, clear the brain static, and unclench. Like a mini smoke break without the smokes.

Take a moment. Unclench with me.

Day 305 - Change is in the Air

2010-11-01T13:46:00.002-04:00

The Phoenix has risen from the ashes once more. Once more she has picked herself up. Something is different this time. This time there is something behind her eyes that I've never seen before. I can't tell you what it is, I have no clue. That "Something" changed my mind, made me say "Well OK then. Let's do this."

I have faith in her. This time she is going to fly higher than any of us. I can see it in her eyes.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

flight. Fly on my Redbird. I'll fly with you as far as I can. Then the rest is up to you.

God. Something amazing happened this weekend. On the way home Friday night I was tied up on knots and I prayed a simple prayer "Lord, please soften our hearts and help us be gentle with each other" We were.

Kelly. She knows why. That's enough for me.

lists, distractions, walks, hamsters, laptops, photos, and all the other little tools I use each and ever day to keep me thriving. That keep me grounded in this fabulous life I discovered I had. The shock and awe of what I've got has still not worn off. I pray it never does. My non-chemical mood stabilizers rock dude.

faith. I blew it this morning but I won't blow it tomorrow.

easy cancellations. I got to call up Mega Life and Health and tell them exactly what they could do with their faux insurance. To my surprise they said "You are paid up until the 5th. Expect a rebate in the mail in 7-10 days. Here is your cancellation number. Thank you and have a nice day." I'm left sitting there staring at the phone receiver waiting for her to come back on the line and say "SIKE! You go play with Blue cross, we'll keep taking your money OK? Now go play like a good girl." all I got was a dial tone. I'm still a little freaked.

new cousins. Whooohoooo! Congratulations Tara and Jim!

change. It's time. I walk but she flies. Perhaps she can give me lessons.

Day 304 - The Aftermath

2010-10-31T14:26:00.001-04:00

Last night was the "surprise" party for the man. It was a great success. Even if I let the "surprise!" out of the bag 3 hours before the party *sighs*

Family came, and family stayed until 4:30AM. We are all a bit lethargic today but we are happy, we are still 4 strong and I got extra hugs from Ms. Amy and Ms. Donna today.

Oh, and I was let in on a secret. Sorry, I can't tell you so don't ask. I will say that I'm sending out mad love to the one is is two. x0x0 Love you!

I love Sundays.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

a clean house. We cleaned like mad yesterday. We had a party that lasted until 4:30AM and you know what? The house is still clean. Total awesomeness dude.

a baby secret.

hugs from Ms. Mary, Ms. Amy and Ms. Donna. They are the cherries on the Ice Cream Sunday.

Sunday trips to the library.

not being crushed by the fact that I completely forgot to take photos last night and only being mildly annoyed that I don't have a camera to take to the library with me today.

bread pudding fresh from the oven.

afternoon football with the boys. The man is happy watching football with his brothers. Which means the girls and I can sneak out to the library.

Please excuse the short list while we get to steppin...

Day 303 - We Will, We Will, Rock You

2010-10-30T09:14:00.000-04:00

If you don't think things can change in an instant. If you are convinced that anger, hurt and darkness can be wiped away with one heartfelt "I'm sorry" then you clearly were not in my house last night.

My house has been restored, my world is officially unrocked. No, not unrocked, rerocked only better. Yeah, that's better.

I drop my jelly beans and stand up. I'm not ready to take the next step quite yet. I think I'll just stand here awhile and enjoy the view.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

rerocking. She rocks and he rocks and life rocks and God rocks. Yeah, I'm a bit over the top today. Remember that analogy I gave about the weight being lifted and the man floating away? Today I've joined him. Please to excuse me while I'm a tad over sweet. Blame it on all the jelly beans if you like.

anticipation. I know what's coming even if he don't. It's gonna rock.

simple dinners to prepare that look and taste like you worked your butt off. Shhhhhh, don't give away my secret. Let me bask in the praise.

gifts. I've been given a gift. One I've been keeping secret for some time now. My blog will be moving. I've been given my own domain. www.meagaingraphics.com is not yet open for business but soon will be. Stay tuned.

coffee. After 4 days of being caffeine free I didn't fall, I dove into a vat of coffee. Damn that stuff is good.

cleaning Pixies. She had a half a day of school yesterday and spent her off time cleaning my house. There are a few things I have to sneak and reclean, but over all she did amazing. She is awesome.

my redbird. Once again she's risen from the ashes of her own destruction. This time there's something different. I can't put my finger on it but she is changed from within. She has a very long road ahead of her, but I feel strongly that she will make it this time. I believe.

my mom's voice on the other end of the line. She lifted me up, took the jelly beans out of my hand and said "I love you Beth Ann" I soooo needed that.

Rocking. Rock Band 3 is out and "All Hail Sally" will ride again. *makes an odd rock and roll hand gesture*

Day 302- Go Gators! I mean Bulldogs!

2010-10-29T11:59:00.002-04:00

Roy in his Halloween Costume

This weekend is the annual Jacksonville Freak Fest aka The Georgia Florida Game. This is when my city is taken over by every form of redneck, freak, college football fan you can imagine. Boss 1 is no exception. She lives in Jacksonville, Mecca to the Gator fan yet she is a Bulldog fan.

For those of you fortunate enough to have no idea what I'm talking about let me explain. First you have the Florida Gator's. Mascot is a Gator. Then you have The Georgia Bulldogs. Their mascot is Ugga the English Bulldog. They are college football teams and God's in these here parts. Once a year they meet in the home of our NFL Team the Jacksonville Jags. Funny, the annual "Gator Bowl" backs the stadium while the Jags games are usually blacked out due to poor attendance. Anyway, it's a big damn deal in these here parts.

Today I brought Roy into the office in his Halloween costume. He is dresses as Traitor Ugga. His story is that he shrunk in the laundry so he is now a Gator Fan. Please note the Gator Colors in the photo above. Psssst...his collar.

Boss 1 took one look at Roy this morning, heard him tell her of his costume, and nearly laughed herself into a coma. It was a laugh she and I both needed.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

distractions. Whether it's a college football game or a dog's Halloween costume, it's cleared the brain static and distracted me from the drama.

changing sides. In the war between the Bulldogs and the Gators I blow in the direction of the strongest wind. Boss 1 is a Bulldog fan. I have yet to be paid this month. GOOOOOO BULLDOGS!

unexpected calls. Seems we have been summoned to a meeting. I hope it goes better than the last one.

boys and dogs. The PM boys are playing football with Roy. Roy is winning. I am laughing.

God. The creator of my distractions and the orchestrator of my life.

surprises. Yet another distraction from the drama in my life. I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Stand by

an office full of dog lovers. Roy is one spoiled, pampered, patted bulldog.

oh, and Roy wanted me to add Cheeze-its. Apparently they are puppy crack.

Day 301 - I'm Grateful Damit

2010-10-28T14:11:00.002-04:00

(Not my photo)

Given my love of the Jelly Bean

Perhaps I should shoot them one day

I am. I'm grateful. I'm just having a hard time expressing it.

So here I sit. On the road to the end of my life.

Trying to arrive at my destination with a little grace

and perhaps a modicum of gratitude

I've packed my little knapsack with peanut butter sandwiches

and jelly beans

Here I sit.

Waiting for instructions

Peace ~

I am grateful for gratitude. When self communication breaks down and the voices in your head start to sound like static on an AM radio wave, it's time to cling to what you know. I am grateful damit.

I am grateful I have friends who care. Who drop what they are doing to send me a text/email/post. Who hold my hand both literally and figuratively. For their emoted hugs that I can nearly feel. For their good vibes, prayers and best wishes.

I am grateful for my man. I know he didn't sign up for this crap but seems to love me despite it. I am grateful for his logic, his adherence to what’s right, to his unshakable will and to his soft heart. I see if she doesn’t

I am grateful for peanut butter sandwiches and jelly beans. I'm sure the sugar rush has contributed greatly to the brain full of radio static and it's caused a killer headache but hey, in for a dime, in for a dollar.

I am grateful for the inability to hold a thought. When it enters my head, just when I start to well up and cry again *Poof* it's gone. Everything gets swallowed up by the brain static. For now, this is a good thing. However, I hope it doesn’t last too long.

I am grateful for work. My job requires attention to detail. This mundane detail seems to clear the static for awhile. I am able to function at work. I can get things done and I'm not afraid I'm posting invoice numbers to totals (which I've been known to do). This is a VERY good thing and will keep my bookkeepers head from exploding.

God. I'll bet you money he put the static in my head. He messed with my head to save my heart. I'm good with that. I have faith that in time the static will clear and I will hear his instruction. For now, he's forcing a time out.

*sits on the road cross-legged and eats her jellybeans*

Day 300 - Sitting Down

2010-10-27T10:36:00.002-04:00

What do you do if you were stuck in a vacuum? If all the air around you had was sucked out of your lungs in one split second? You can fall down and die, your you can sit down and try to conserve.

This is me sitting down. I may even need to take a step back. I beg your indulgence while I recover.

Peace ~

Today I'm Grateful for:

knowing. No matter how painful, it's better than being left in the dark

the absolute faith that this time, I WE did it right

safe shelter

love

faith. Faith in God, faith in her and faith in myself

AT&T upgrades. Hey, I'll take my grateful's anyplace I can get them today

kittens. They hold me up when I can't do it for myself

cheeseburgers. I've been good for quite some time now. I want a double vodka and a smoke. I'll settle for a cheeseburger. With fries. From 5 Guys. "Yes Sir, you can take my order. May I have a heart attack special please? Thank you, thank you very much."

Day 299 - Life is a Highway

2010-10-26T12:36:00.001-04:00

Where you start a journey is as important as where you finish. More actually because where you start will determine what obstacles you face. Will you have to cross an ocean or a desert, climb a mountain, face nearly insurmountable obstacles just to get there?

I don't know what it was within me to convince God to bless me the way he has. I was not born in China, I have not had to see the hardships of this man or those like him. I could waste my life asking why but I choose instead to boggy on down the highway of life being grateful for where I began. The only obstacles I face are those of my own making. One day an obstacle will come that I cannot climb over, go around, or blast through. When that day comes I'll know I've reached my destination. Life is in the journey. I choose to roll down the windows, blast the music and booty dance my way on down the road.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

highways. They are an all access pass to life. Ride it all night long. *hummms*

being born in the Good Ole U.S.A. She has her flaws but dude, there is no better place on earth.

my folks. I got what I got from them. I think I'm doing OK with it but you'd have to ask them.

Mustang Sally. The best little Mustang there is. She is the best because she is mine.

medical insurance. I have a feeling this one will be on my list quite often.

pension plans. WE HAVE ONE! *Booty Dances*

my man coming home and saying "it was great! It's like being in the cool kids club!" when asked "how was your day".

being caffeine free and not dying. Who knew?

being sugar free and not dying. 24 hours with no refined sugar and I'm still alive. Go figure.

working out day two. Sprints in the morning, walking the hamster in the evening. I like it.

music. When traveling down life's highway, it's essential to have the proper tunes.

Day 298 - Debate This...

2010-10-25T11:14:00.008-04:00

Last night was interesting to say the least. It's started with me doing something I NEVER do. I sat down at the kitchen table to eat my soup. WHAT was I thinking? The kids eat at that table. Me sitting there means I have to talk to them. *gasp* Dude, so not right...

So, yeah, we started talking about Dyslexia of all things. Kelly and I were "discussing" it. She insisted she was dyslexic even though she'd never been tested and me telling her that I wasn't sure and that's why I never had her tested. What I didn't tell her is that I didn't have her tested because that poor kid had enough labels on her already. I was going to be damned if she had another. Was I right or wrong? Who knows. What I do know is that I believe she's right. Her "reasons" for believing she is dyslexic are fully documented. She is right.

She also went as far as to say Dyslexics are learning disabled. To this I took HUGE issue. That is a label that's been stuck on me my entire life and it's not one I accept freely. Yes, I know, Dyslexia is a learning disability, it challenges the dyslexic to have to work harder, learn new techniques, over come certain hurdles and all around makes things more difficult in the learning area. It is what it is. A learning disability. However, I am not disabled. I am not defined by my dyslexia I have overcome it. To Kelly it's a matter of semantics. If you have a learning disability, you are learning disabled. Black and white. To me, I have a learning disability but I am not disabled. Who's right? In the end, we both are. I am what I say I am. No one defines me but me. If I believe that, then I must let Kelly and June do the same. Ouch...that's a tough one

After I got over my button being pushed I went out to the "smoking lounge" *cough cough* and "discussed" things further. We discussed shifting lines in the sand, respect, button pushing, irony, politics, black and white vs grey, choices and religion. We got loud, we got animated, at one point June pulled out her Bible (I got so excited I nearly peed), I cried from pride and when Kelly finally had to pull herself away, we parted with hugs and I love you's.

Who won the debate? We both did. Neither of us gave an inch. One did not open the eyes of the other or changed the others stance but we both won. We won because we managed to do something we've never managed to do before. We "discussed" and he "Listened" but we did not fight.

Wow....

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

debating. There is NOTHING like a debate to get your mind moving and your blood flowing. It's exciting and new and if done right, always ends in someone learning something. Occasionally it's even me.

learning. I discovered that I go to a whole new level when I debate. A level I don't like and I'm feeling icky about it. I've prayed and I believe I'm forgiven. However I've not let myself off the hook yet. Next time I will take another rout.

eating dinner at the "kids" table. It took me on an adventure and I liked the ride.

June pulling out her Bible and READING IT.

knowing she is capable of believing. That's enough for me.

listening and learning. Shhhh, DO NOT tell her she taught me anything.

morning workouts. Today was the first day of the new schedule. I am back to sprinting in the morning. This weight MUST come off. I've had enough.

morning writing. I wish I could eek out more than 15 minutes of writing time, but if that's all I'm afforded I'll be grateful for it. My book should be complete by 2020. Lord willing.

walking. Walking with the dog is something I really enjoy. What I can't figure out is why, at 6PM when I could be out walking, I'm sitting on the couch instead. What is it in me that does that? I'll be grateful when I figure out what it is and spork it to death.

self censorship. I've learned over the years, that there are SOME things I just should not share. They are between me and God and that's just fine by me.

Day 297 - High Anxiety

2010-10-24T17:48:00.002-04:00

Today's sermon was titled "High Anxiety" and this is what I learned.

Do Not Worry

Mathew 6 25-34

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

What my Pastor told me was this:

Worry is not a fear issue. It's a faith issue. God's not saying be passive. He's saying be pro-active. How do you stop worrying? You believe. Believe that God loves you. Believe that he values you more than sparrows and flowers. This does not mean sit on the couch picking navel lint. It means, if you want to lose your fear, do so by believing.

One of my favorite take-aways from Kidstuff has been "Do your best, let God take care of the rest"

I believe.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

believing. When I didn't I was lost. When I decided to, life bloomed.

being worry free. Dude, I'm not even afraid of flying anymore. I did my best. I prayed "Lord thy will be done. Return me home one way or another" he did the rest and returned me home.

hope and faith in her. One day she will be worry free. I will believe in her till she believes in herself.

Day 296 - Insperation

2010-10-23T11:12:00.008-04:00

Yesterday I was looking for inspiration. When I stopped looking for it, I found it. I found it in a movie no one in my house wanted to watch and all said was boring. Invictus. Seriously? That movie was boring? The story of the end of apartheid, about Nelson Mandela, about how Rugby healed a wounded nation is boring? O....K.... Not to me. I was inspired.

The title of a move comes from a poem by William Henley. According to the movie, this poem is what kept President Mandela going in his darkest of days. He would recite it to himself. At in the movie, over a soft musical score, Morgan Freeman read it. I cried and I was inspired to be better.

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. It seems to go against my beliefs but laying awake in bed last night I realized that it's not. I have free will. It was given to me by God. I can choose my course, I choose to follow.

This movie inspired me and it's another Godprint. It's telling me I am not as far down the road as I thought I was. It's time for me to stand still and let my ego back up a few paces and catch up to reality.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

inspiration. I found it in a movie nobody wanted to watch and oddly enough, I found it in a photograph taken by my old camera waaaaaay back when I first discovered a new passion. A photograph that is poorly composed and was dismissed so long ago. Now it inspires the writer in me. I see a short story in this photograph, I wonder what adventure awaits within it.

Nelson Mandela. If you need an example in how to forgive look to him. If you need an example on how to be the right kind of political leader, look to him. If you are in need of inspiration, look to him.

a change of plans. A nice lady by the name of Ruth is helping me to plot and scheme. Plans may be changed but not scrapped. Thank you Ruth. God's plan is in action. He led me to your house. Now it's up to me to figure out the rest of his plan. Take a look at Ruth's house and tell me it's not one of the most beautiful you've ever seen?

God. They say "He works in mysterious ways." I don't believe that. I just think we have trouble listening. "Lord, help me to hear your will or lead me to an interpreter"

Day 295 - Drawing a Blank

2010-10-22T12:37:00.001-04:00

Today I'm drawing a blank. I prayed what I pray every morning. "Lord, if it be your will, please give me the words." This morning....nothing. I suppose that means he wants you to use your words today.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

drawing a blank. It means inspiration is yet to be discovered. I like it when it sneaks up on me.

the power in a seemingly unanswered prayer.

friends who tell me "it's OK. You can do this"

secret plotting and scheming. Now that I'm calm, I'm enjoying the process. I know I won't stay calm long, but I'm grateful for every calm moment.

moo.com

brain farts. Seriously, my brain has left the building today. I've given up being annoyed and choose to find it amusing.

Kittens. Life without them would be lacking.

my own office. It affords me the ability to blow off work and work on the plotting and the scheming without fear of losing my job. Hey, I don't smoke anymore. Just consider this one long not-smoking break.

friends. I used to think I didn't have any. Boy was I wrong!

Day 294 - The Dedication

2010-10-21T10:53:00.001-04:00

This morning I get a call from my mother. She's been doing what mothers do when their kids write a book. I seriously need to make this woman my publicist, but I first have to break her of the habit of wanting to buy the world a copy and get her to encourage others to buy it.

Anyway, she did what she does, she bought a friend of hers a copy of my book. This friend wanted it signed. Given that I'm 900 miles away, she asked my mother to sign it for her. My mother called me and asked my permission. I know right? So I tell her "Sure Mom, write anything you want. I trust you."

This morning she calls me and reads me what she wrote. I cried. Damn that woman loves me. I always knew that, but to know she admires me? Well that's a gift I will never, ever forget.

Thank you Mommy. I love you madly.

Beth Ann ~

Today I'm grateful for:

extraordinary dedications. When Oprah gets off her lazy booty and finally calls, I'm taking my mom with me to sign them all.

my mom's love. Today I say a prayer for those who, for whatever reason, have not felt the extraordinary love of a mother. There is nothing like it to make you feel right with the world.

my man. He loves me more than a new corvette. Wow dude, that's epic!

heading off an anxiety attack at the pass. It seems we've managed to piss off our neighbors. We've had an egging and a puking in our front yard. For some reason this produced in me my first anxiety attack in more than 20 years. I felt it coming and I exhaled, prayed and unclenched. Damn if it didn't work. How about them apples?

free lunch. I'm headed to the Realtors Trade Show for a bag full of pens, sticky notes, magnets and other trade show fodder. Oh, and one of those free rubber chicken lunches. Hey, it's quality time with boss 1 and the office mates outside the office. I'm in. I CALL JUMP SEAT!

the power of prayer.

Day 293 - Weight

2010-10-20T10:55:00.002-04:00

When you were a kid, did you ever do that thing with your arm that makes it appear to float? You know, where you push your arm down with one hand, while making your arm push as hard as it can against the pressure of your hand? You do that counting too 100 then let go and your arm feels like it's floating of it's own free will? Some kid dared me to do it when I was like 7 and it really freaked me out until my daddy told me they physics behind it. It dispelled the magic but I still thought it was a way cool trick.

Well, I think I'm going to have to tie a rope around my husband to keep him from floating away. The pressure this man has been under the last 6 years has just been lifted. JEA has made him an offer he can't refuse. Starting Monday, October 25th, 2010 my husband will be transformed into a civil servant with 4 weeks vacation, paid sick leave, medical insurance for US ALL, life insurance and a retirement plan. He's been validated and alleviated of the most intense self pressure I've ever seen.

He became the master of disguise and hid it well. Every now and then though, I would see him go vacant, the weight of it crushing the life out of him and he'd go sullen and silent. Me being me, would always assume I'd done something stupid and pissed him off. Now I know. Now I see what the weight did to him. I see it clearly now in it's dramatic absence. Now that it's gone I can't believe I never saw it. Yeah, I suck and I'm blind, but I'm also grateful it's over.

When the offer letter came and the weight was lifted, my husband began to float. He's been a good 3 feet off the floor ever since. There is a new light in his eye, a new lift to his step and a new tone in his voice. My husband is my hero. He man'd up, carried the weight and made it happen. We survived and in fact, thrived through one of the worst economic crisis's since the Great Depression due to his forethought, insight and hard work.

Yes the weight has lifted and he floats. But you know what? Forget the tether. He deserves to fly

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

magic. My may floats, ain't it cool?

my man. He's my favorite, my #1, my hero and was long before JEA made him an offer. However, he is way hot when fully and regularly employed. *drools*

full time, regular employment.

relative job security.

medical insurance.

looking forward to retirement not dreading it, fearing it or avoiding it.

life. God is good.

Day 292 - You Know your Hot when...

2010-10-19T10:23:00.004-04:00

The man and I have a bit. You know, one of those inside jokes just between us. It goes "Did I ever tell you you you're hot when you (insert adjective)" the other will reply "Well, no, you never have!" then the other other would reply back "Oh Man! I suck! Well you are!"

Last night the man handed me a booklet. It contained the information and options for medical insurance. The man and I have been self insured since 2006 and prior to that we had no insurance for a stretch of time. Our self insurance goes like this:

Me: I'd like to get my yearly mammogram please

Insurance company: Sure, pay for it yourself and I will add it to your $20,000 yearly deductible.

Me: Crap

Insurance company: that is not a covered item

So, when the man handed me the booklet I said "Have I ever told you you're hot when fully insured with like, REAL insurance and stuff?"

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

being one step closer to real, valid, USABLE medical insurance.

my man being hot. With or without insurance my man is hot.

the safe arrival of cousin gifts. Yay! She liked it!

making time. I manufactured enough time to write 3 paragraphs this morning. The book is progressing.

unclenching. Today's the first time in like 2 weeks that I've been able to, with concerted effort and forethought, unclench. Hey, it's a start and I'm grateful for it.

extra prayers. Cuz sometimes on just ain't enough.

Lilly my hot pink iPod. She is singing to me. At the moment she's singing "On and On" by Stephen Bishop. I know the words are sad but the tune is soothing and makes me feel like I'm back in my little condo on the beach. The waves are rolling loudly onto the beach. Pelican's are diving for their breakfast in an ocean that's 7 shades of blue. Now THAT is a non-chemical mood stabilizer.

Day 291 - I'm the 5th Dwarf

2010-10-18T11:10:00.001-04:00

You can call me Grumpy. On the outside I look like your average overfluffy aging blond superhero, on the inside however, I look like this guy.

I feel like an athole. I spent the weekend behaving like a spoiled 2 year old who just got his binkey taken away. I was a jerk. I suspect I'm grumpy because of the realization of my bad behavior and the guilt it's caused. I'm not going to excuse it by saying it's my bi-polar doing it's thing. I thoroughly dislike people who use their issues as an excuse for anything.

So, I'll man up, put on my big girl panties and say

"Hello, my name is Grumpy. I apologize for my bad behavior and I will do my best to rein it in. In the mean time, you may want to approach with a whip and a chair. Just for your own safety of course"

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

self examination. It's not always pretty and it's rarely fun, but it's something I'm grateful I've learned how to do. Even if it's after the fact.

family. I know the cousins love me anyway. And when all is said and done, I had a great time. I hope they did too. Despite me.

my man. He's my rock.

God. He forgave me before it happened. Ain't that awesome?

walking. I think I like walking more than I like biking. I can do it any time and when a humility lesson is in order, falling off my own feet is much less painful though a tad more embarrassing.

going on hiatus. I think, for the next little while, I will take a break from photography and concentrate on my writing. I am in the midst of writing a book. I'm also developing my own website. I've been given the gift of my own domain name and web hosting. So I have lots to keep me busy. Oh, and I have more than 20,000 photos in the can so it's not like I'm going to run out of fresh material. Even if today's is a rerun.

Day 290 - An Eating Tour of St. Augustine

2010-10-17T20:46:00.008-04:00

St. Augustine, Florida is a truly amazing city. I've been to St. Augustine a minimum of 3 times a year for the last 10 years. More recently. And you know what? Every time I go there's something new to experience.

This year we did more than our normal day trip. We met up with the cousins (St. Augustine Virgins) and played tour guide. However, the virgin pair ended up teaching the guides about their city. This trip? We ate our way through St. Augustine. It was a first for us. There were so many firsts this trip.

First time eating our way through St. Augustine. Pizza, Gelato, fudge, rootbeer floats oh my! Pretzels, sticky buns, pralines and oh so much more. I ate more in the last 24 hours than I have in the entirety of the week before.

Recommendations? Whetstone Chocolates Key Lime Fudge. Oh. My. Freakin. Dawg is that stuff good! Oh, and get thee to the Bunnery. You want amazing pastries, sticky buns and Cinnamon Buns with unlimited icing? Run, do not walk to the Bunnery. When your sugar high runs down and real food is needed check out the A1A Brewery. I recommend the seared Tuna and the Peach Martinis though those that dinned with me swear their food was better than mine. The cousin says "This is the best beer cheese soup ever!" Oh, but we all agree. The table bread sucks. Don't wast the stomach room. You'll need it for the good stuff.

Other firsts? Well, this was the first time we ever crashed a wedding. Not one but two actually. One at the Lightner Museum and one at the fort. Tara put her newly returned camera to awesome use. While the Brides hired photographer took your standard shot, Tara got nearly 500 from an entirely new angle AND managed to get her contact information to the happy Bride.

This was the first time we ever met the Coquina Nazi. This guys job was to walk the fort and make sure no one was touching the Coquina. Jim got on his watch and warning list. It were not pretty but it were very funny.

this is Coquina

this is the Coquina Nazi

"Seriously Guys"

Still more firsts were the man's first time up the lighthouse, our first time walking St. George Street at night, our first time at the A1A Brewery, the Bunnery, the Man's first time at the Lighter Museum and Flaggler College, oh, and the first time I've ever seen a REAL steamy kiss.

It was an amazing weekend of fun and family. Thank you Jim and Tara for the loan of the camera and even more for the gift of your company in a weekend of firsts.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

eating my way though St. Augustine. It was worth the extra tonnage.

the successful return of Wilbur. Seeing Tara's joy at his return was awesome.

God. He's put up with me pretty much ignoring him all weekend, my "begging and bargaining" and my sullen mood when no one was looking. Hey, I'm doing my best to be gracious and grateful.

not grabbing the camera back and jumping. Though they really would have been some awesome shots.

making it to the top of the lighthouse. Again. There was a time when I never would have made it.

soar feet. It means I may have worked off ONE of the extra treats.

Nikon Bites. Or Shutterbugs. Or Cannon Fodder. Did you know there was NO camera shop in St. Augustine? I may have to look into rectifying this issue. Those were the names I came up with for my shop. The man don't think I can do it. I may have to do it without his support. That would suck. At least I know where to begin. I need a 5 year plan. When I went off to indulge my love of carbs at the Pretzel Haus I discovered all these freshly painted and cute as a button rental spaces vacant and ready to rent. This discovery on the heals of my discovery that there was NO camera shop in St. Augustine got my brain to itching.

St. Augustine. One of my favorite cities in the U.S. It never gets old.

my man. Even though he "pooh pooh"'d my business idea and said "Good luck with that." AND "what do you know about running a business?" I let him live. But only because I love him and bail money is not in the budget this month.

faith a camera will come my way. My own. That I can name and love and carry with me wherever I go and feed skies and beaches and St. Augustine. Brutus got me started but I just can't go that far backwards. I simply don't like Pinto's. I've been a good girl this year. I hope Santa comes through.

pretty windows dressed up for the night.

Day 289 - A Day with the Cousins

2010-10-16T09:45:00.002-04:00

So, today's gonna be a quicky. Why? Cuz I have cousins to play with. Jim and Tara are on their way to St. Augustine as we speak. I'm of to join them.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

cousins to play with. After 99.825% of my life without them, it's nice to have them back.

St. Augustine. The oldest continuously occupied city in the U.S. There is adventure around every corner. I can't wait to see what we get into

a grateful heart. I know that even though my list is short, I've so saturated myself in graduate I've learned to live it. The writing of my list is now pure joy and not necessity.

Day 288 - It's A Carpenters Kinda Day

2010-10-15T10:17:00.005-04:00

Today I'm still slightly off center and now, I'm holding my breath. There is something brewing in the air that I'm not willing to share with anyone quite yet. But, if, perhaps, maybe, Lord willing, it goes the right way, we can quit balancing life on the edge of a knife. The fact that we have yet to be sliced by the this blade is testament to God's grace and my husbands intelligent design. I thank God for him, I thank him for this life. I know he's suffered many a sleepless night thinking and worrying and he never let it show. My heart and my head are full of a serious case of the warm fuzzies for my man. So, you know what that makes? It makes for a Carpenters Kinda Day

*breaks out singing loudly and slightly off key*

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

a raging case of the warm and fuzzies.

hope.

no worries. "Thy will be done" is the best prayer ever. Even if it's the hardest to pray.

the Carpenters. They were the soundtrack of my youth. You've heard of comfort food? Well their Comfort music. When I'm stressed, when I'm warm and fuzzy, when I'm overwhelmed, I channel Karen Carpenter. Lilly is stuffed full of 4 CD's worth of "Carpenters Greatest Hits". I mean come on, whats not to love? You young people don't know jack. THIS is music.

weekend plans. With God's blessing and some luck, we may be able to add some celebrating to our epic weekend of funness.

BFF's. Mine has taken in an abandoned Pixie. The Pixie was going to stay home with her sister but unfortunately there is a raging lunatic running around these parts. One that killed his brother, his brother's best friend and tried to kill his parents. He's been loose and on the run for nearly a week now. NO WAY I'm leaving the Pixie alone while her big sis works. SOOOOO, at the last possible minute I call up the BFF and she does what BFF's do. She says "Sure! No problem!" I love my BFF.

cleaning up good. My man looks hot in a suit. Seriously yummy. When he wears his suit I want to drink the "Drink Me" bottle and climb into his pockets. Oh well, a weekend away in St. Augustine will have to do. I see some serious snuggle time coming with a side order of epic hand holding and, if the stars align, maybe even a little snogging. (Lisa, get your mind out of the gutter)

fresh fodder for the Shutterbug. Brutus and I are going to make up and get reacquainted. I hope for some magic.

tone mapping. This is news to me and totally rocks. It makes photographs look hyper real. Not real, but real maxed out. It's always obvious when tone mapping is used, however, you usually don't care. Unless your a "realist snob". I usually prefer realistic, but I make exceptions from time to time.

Wilbur. I had him way longer than I ever anticipated. He made me better, he taught me lessons and he showed me what I want. I am grateful for the time I had with him and I'm ready to move on. Better for having known him.

Day 287 - It's All Good

2010-10-14T11:24:00.003-04:00

There are bumps in paradise. We sailed on smooth waters for more than a month. Floating along in a happy bubble for 4. Now there are a few speed humps and the happy bubble has burst. We are back to the reality of 3 adults and one Pixie living in one house. Rules are made, rules are ignored, rules are broken but you know what? It's all good.

Where there used to be anger, resentment and authority, there is now peace, simple solutions and respect. As long as I do my best to act and not react. As long as I remember respect goes both ways. As long as I remember, at the end of the day, that it's all good, reality will not bite.

It's all good.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

the fact that it's all good.

books. I used to be an avid reader. Now I'm an avid writer but I still love books. I want some time to just sit and read. Something fluffy I think. Some Lilian Jackson Braun & The Cat Who Saw Stars. Yes, that's the ticket.

long walks. The hamster and I walked nearly 4 miles yesterday. We passed 2 black labs who managed to stay on their leashes, a German Shepherd and her son who sat so pretty and waited for a puffed up hamster to pass, we passed a boxer who wanted to play but was behaved, various spawnlings, bikes and humans all doing what you do when you share a sidewalk. Lilly sang to me songs of love, songs of strife, songs of war, and inspiration. The sky did it's magic kaleidoscope trick and I found fuel.

fresh coffee. Venus still speaks the language of love.

looking up. The sky was amazing this morning. I think Dave's cloud angel is following me.

possibilities for my man. He, more than anyone I know, deserves this. I pray "thy will be done" and I hope they don't let him down again.

getting reacquainted with Brutus. He and I will be traipsing through St. Augustine with the cousins and the man. Let's see if we can make more magic.

Day 286 - Fueling and Filling

2010-10-13T13:18:00.006-04:00

Idea for today's post lifted off a far superior blogger

I'm still Off. Slightly off center. As much time as I spend in this position you'd think I'd be used to it. But like I said yesterday, at least I'm aware of it and I understand where it comes from. Soon enough something will come along and shift me to the left and I will once again be floating in my happy bubble.

Just this morning I read a blog I stalk. She regularly inspires me, well, actually, I'm usually pea green over all her marvelous photos, but today her words put a fresh label on what I'm feeling. I'm in a filling season. A time where I'm in between. The filling times are what drives the fueling.

Filling moments are those moments in life that don't feed us or inspire us. They are the filler, like the suffing in a pillow, or the summer reruns of life, or the place holders for "all the rest". Some moments are not even noticed. After a string of filling moments you can be left spent and off kilter and never know why. But I do. It's because you're out of fuel. Moments like cleaning house, doing the laundry, facing irate customers and climbing key mountains. When we are fueled, they slide gently by with hardly a glance. We smile at the irate costumer and handle them in the perfect way so they leave fueled. We climb key mountains and plant our flag at the peak. We clean our nests, we complete all those little chores we ignore while we're being fueled.

Fueling moments are those moments that...well.....fuel you. They can be anything. They can be funny like a hamster puffing up to the size of a pit bull, or gentle like a noticed sunset, or a inspiring like a Pixie saying "Can I go talk to Conquer?" or something breathtaking like a Godprint. How big is your fuel tank? It depends on how well you fill up. How good you are at drinking in those little moments of inspired joy and storing them for filling seasons.

Anyway, that's my fuel for this morning. I strongly suggest you go read her blog. She says it way better than I did. Oh, and her photos, as always, are fuel within fuel. http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/10/fueling-moments.html

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

fuel. I'm in a filling season but I'm finding enough fuel to keep going.

God fuel. THAT is the best fuel on the market and it's FREE! *booty dances*

photo fuel. There is just something about HER photos that I love. I stalk her. I stalk her good...

Pixie fuel. Last night my youngest child showed me she learned the lesson I was teaching and taught me one all at the same time. She has an arch enemy. An Anti-Pixie if you will. A bully by the name of Conquer. Conquer has been doing what bullies do to the Pixie and her BFF. It's been ongoing for months now. Yesterday Conquers little brother got into the act. He kept kicking the Pixie's feet on the walk home from the bus stop trying to trip her. She called me when she got home, she was in tears "Mom, you would be 'soooo proud of me. I kept walking and I didn't beat him till he cried. I just kept walking and didn't say anything" I was proud of her. Ignoring that kind of behavior is EXTREMELY hard to do as an adult, it's 1,000x harder for a kid. Once I got home, and cooled off myself (cuz trust me, sporks were gonna fly), the Pixie told me how Conquer got onto her brother and tried to make him stop because "It's not cool for a boy to touch a girl". That is the heart of my youngest child. When speaking of her arch rival, her nemesis, her Anti-Pixie, she made sure we knew Conquer was not at fault. Wanna know what else? Later that evening the Pixie went next door (yes my dear stalkers, the Anti-Pixie lives right next door) with the express purpose of saying thank you to Conquer for sticking up for her. That, right there, is beautiful, inspirational fuel. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

hamster fuel. Most of you have heard, how when the hamster enters the orbit of my bed, he is magically transformed into an English Mastiff right? Well guess what? When protective, he is magically transformed into a Pit Bull. Last evening while on our walk a large black Lab got loose from his leash and came bounding up to the hamster and I. Hearing the lab's paw thuds I picked the hamster up and had him in my arms. It was instantly obvious that the lab was not viscous and only wanted to play. Obvious to me that is. While the lab was happily wagging his tail and had all 4 paws on the ground, the hamster merely looked annoyed at having his walk so rudely interrupted. However, when the lab decided he wanted a better look at the hamster and could get it by climbing me, oh now, hold up buddy, the hamster puffed up and tried to spring from my arms snarling and bucking and growling a growl I've never heard before. One that seemed to say "Whoa there Skippy this is MY human! Get off her or feel my wrath!" (all in a distinctly Latin/British accent of course. Because, after all, he is a Chihuahua/jack russel mix) As the lab continued to climb me, pulling my earphones out of my ears, his heavy paws pulling my iPod out of my pocket, the hamster continued to get bigger and harder to grip. He wanted a piece of that lab so bad he was salivating. I'm in a panic, I know I can't hold this raging hamster much longer so I yell "LADY, COME GET YOUR DOG!" Now, all this time the lab's ~~Master~~ ~~Owner~~ ~~handler~~ chaser is calling in the sweet voice "Noah, come to mommy. Noah, that's not nice, come on, let's go see daddy? No Noah, don't do that, come see mommy" and when I yell she replies in an annoyed voice "Oh he's not going to hurt you" and I'm left thinking "Lady, it's not YOUR dog I'm worried about" but I bite my tongue and begin to walk away. Hoping that something else will distract old Noah before the Hamster goes all Pit Bull on his ass. It takes about 3 blocks for the hamster to deflate and quit trying to climb over my shoulder for a piece of Noah. All the while I can hear him in my head, with that same Latin/English accent saying "THAT'S RIGHT YOU BIG DOPE, YOU AIN'T DOG ENOUGH TO TAKE THIS HAMSTER, RUN BACK TO YOUR MOMMY BOY" That right there is some grade A hilarious fuel. I laughed as I told that story to the man, to the Pixie, to the Redbird and now, here, telling it to you. Laughter is high octane fuel dude and worth repeating.

photography fuel. Specifically MY photography. It's lacking, it's amateurish sometimes, but it's mine and it fuels me. I'm of the combat school of photography. If you throw out enough ammunition, OCCASIONALLY you're going to hit something spectacular. Those moments when I pull a photo off my camera and know "I" didn't put it there, those are fuel.

my fuel tank. It's larger than I ever thought it would be. It still empties quicker than I'd like and I'm left feeling sorry, guilty, ashamed and lacking. But, as I make my way through this incredible journey, those moments get more and more rare. There are fewer bi-polar storms, their severity weaker, their duration less. I sill look back occasional and when I see how far I've come, it make my journey forward look less daunting. With luck I will have enough fuel to make it all the way to the end.

My Fuel

Day 285 - Just...Off

2010-10-12T12:09:00.003-04:00

That's me today. Just...off. There's a tension on my shoulders I can't release, a clench in my stomach I can't unclench. Like my body knows somethings about to happen and is annoyed that I don't get it. The good news is I'm getting better and better at reading my moods. This one is the mood I get every year about mid-fall. Change is in the air, literally. The weather is amazingly beautiful and as I soak it in, my body says "Whoa, Overdose of Happy, well we need to squelch that crap right now."

Last evening, right at the start of sunset. When the sky turns a pale pink at the horizon. Roy and I took our walk. We walked to the Pixies old Elementary school and back. As we walked the sky turned from pale pink, to hot pink, to bright orange, to golden yellow, to butter yellow, back to pale pink. As we walked the street lights began to come on and I realized just how much I loved my slice of paradise. I got a little weepy and said a thank you to God for the amazing life he gave me. I sniffed and wiped my nose on my bare arm. The hamster looked at up at me "What, you lick your butt, don't judge"

My walk last night felt so good I should have known this was coming. But you know what? I know the cure. I said my prayers this morning "Dear Lord, I know you love me even when my heart is off kilter. I know my life is as blessed as any rock stars, and I know how deep you love me. Please make whatever you will of this day, this mood, this me. I submit gracefully."

And at the end of the day, I will find the cure as I walk with a hamster through my slice of paradise, watching the sky turn from pale pink to pale pink. There I will find Peace.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

feeling off. It makes the weepy, lovey, happy bits all the sweeter

photo books. One came in yesterday and it turned out so good! I can't wait to give it away!

a weekend away with my favorite human. A night in a hotel room and a romantic dinner. Nothing sounds better than that. I bet we even hold hands and walk in the moonlight. *dramatic sigh*

Key's peaceful death. The viewing and burial was yesterday. He was returned to the sea by way of the porcelain portal. He leaves behind his key tree unguarded and his human missing his listening skills. "You will be missed dear friend."

finding my own hat. For a few years now, I've shamefully lusted in my heart over a hat that resides in Iowa. This weekend I've found my own. I think I like it even better than the cape and sharpie. At least it's truth in advertising.

being 47. I like my age. I'm not so young that I think I know it all and have to prove it. I'm not so old I can't remember it all. I'm just old enough to know I don't know everything but I'm comfortable in my ignorance. Oprah says 50 is the best age. Well I always knew Oprah didn't know jack. She skipped right over 47 without a backwards glance.

my encounter with my former shrink the other day. Friday in fact. I was funny as hell. Thanks Chris. I needed that laugh! I'm sorry, but any time your former shrink tries to pick you up for solicitation is freakin hilarious dude. I'll ride that laugh at least another day.

this song. It reminds me of Paula's secret garden and the early mornings I got lost in it and of fluffy headed chickens and moss covered gargoyles and the sheer joy a butterfly brought me. This song helps me keep Paula's secret garden with me always. It's a great album. I wish I could find the title track, but this one is good too.

As the BFF and I walked about shooting zombies and various and asundry other bits and bobbs, we discovered we like to shoot the same odd things. Doors, windows, angles, reflections, abandoned and abused buildings, rusty bits....Guess that's why we're BFF's huh?

Day 284 - Crawl of the Zombies

2010-10-11T11:19:00.004-04:00

I learned something new yesterday. Zombies crawl cities just like photographers. There were camera's everywhere! Even the Zombies had them.

So, I walked amung them and I learned a few things.

First thing is that a camera is a magic zombie protection amulet. If you're wearing one they don't try and eat your brains and are actually quite friendly.

Zombies can be quite introsective

Like to stay hydrated

and they like beer

congragate around water

Those that fear Zombies lose their ability to spell

and shower

come in a wide veriety of shapes and sizes

Some even sprout horns.

Some even have proffesions

Clowns

drag queens

groopies

They even spawn young

In they end I learned that, besides their aweful taste in music (psst....I like this group. Please don't tell my mother), Zombies are just like you and me. Don't fear the Zombie, and quit with the slaying. Live and let ~~live~~ dye? Rot? Ambulate?

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

Zombies. They were great fun and good sports.

packing up the camera. Tara's camera has ceased to be Wilbur and is now just Tara's camera. I am ready to return him and excited to show Tara all he it can do.

16,492 photos. I made great use of the gift I was given.

faith. What I need will come in time. Until then I must be patient. It will not come in my time, but in Gods and my vision of what I need and his may be distinctly different.

the prayer "Thy will be done". It keeps me from doing anything stupid. Well....it helps.

mixing zombies and God in the same post. That's just so.....me

Day 283 - Goodbye Wilbur

2010-10-10T20:55:00.000-04:00

Today was an awesome day. It's Sunday. I love Sundays. This Sunday was a particularly good one. Pastor Rick reviewed and the congregation spoke. I got extra hugs from Ms. Mary, I made waffles and bacon for dinner. But the best part? Well, the BFF and I spent the day together. She helped me say goodbye to Wilbur. We crawled all over downtown. I got 462 usable photos and an afternoon full of memories.

Oh, and the bonus? It was Zombie Day in Downtown Jacksonville. Wait till you see THOSE photos.

Wilbur is now cleaned and charged and restocked and ready to go home. I borrowed him for a week back in June. It's time. Thank you Tara and Jim for your amazing kindness and generosity.

I'm happy but I'm tired. I want to go soak in a nice hot tub and prepare for the Monday Blitz.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

Sundays and cameras named Wilbur and BFF's and Zombies.

a good day.

being tired with reason

Pixies that get in the shower without being asked.

gold coin's

cousins.

a weekend in St. Augustine with family to look forward to.

both my BFF's. They rock

sleepy hamsters

462 photos

Day 282 - Life in a Vacuum

2010-10-09T17:49:00.002-04:00

There is a theme running through my house lately. "You're not living life in a Vacuum." Today I had to explain to the Pixie what that meant.

"Life in a vacuum is disconnected from the world around it. It is singular and isolated. It is autonomous. What goes on within the "Bubble" if you will, has no effect on the world around it. Nothing outside the vacuum effects life within. Think about Grandpa and how he uses his vacuum sealer to preserve his sauces and niblets. It keeps air out, bacteria out, and keeps whats in fresh as the day it was packaged."

Come on now, it's the best I can do for a 13 year old.

"You my dear do not live in a vacuum. Every single action you take, from a breath to a choice, to an action effects those around you. When you breath in you are consuming the air around you. When you breath out you are expelling carbon dioxide. When you take a step you change the earth. If there happens to be an ant under your foot, it dies and you've changed the ant colony. If you happen to step on a flower, you change the feeding habits of those insects dependent on it for food. When you act, you effect those around you. YOUR choices effect not only you, but those around you, those that love you."

I went on to give an example but that's family history and not something I wish to share with the www. I know right? Something I keep private? Contrary to evidence to the contrary, I do keep SOME things private.

Anyway, this all came about because of changes in our family dynamic. The prodigal daughters return in fact. Her return has changed our family. It has changed the Pixies place in that family and I'm making a big deal out of it. Also, Puberty has moved in. It has swallowed whole my youngest child and returned to me a child who thinks she is autonomous. That because she is 13 she has the ability to speak her mind, talk back, use "THAT" tone, ignore curfews, hygiene requirements, and chores.

So, today we had a nice long conversation in the parking lot of the local Wal-Mart. We discussed life in a vacuum and we discussed how my reaction to her actions would rock her world.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

not living life in a vacuum. I have always been acutely aware of how I effect the world around me. Even during my "checked out" years. I knew, I simply didn't care. At the end of my life, when I'm face to face with the Creator, and I'm asked to explain myself I will have a long list of sins. However, on my short list of attributes, I will say "I didn't live life in a vacuum"

rare teaching moments. Today I talked with my youngest child. I'm not sure why, but with all 3 of my daughters, a great number of our best conversations happened in the car. Today's was no exception. We continued our conversation as we made our way through the isles of the local Wal-Mart completely oblivious the the horde of shoppers around us. She asked questions and I gave her complete and honest answers. I'm sure many out there will argue with my definition of "Life in a Vacuum" but you know what? This is mine and I shared it with her. Now it's up to her to decide her own definition. However, if she don't quit giving me tude, I'm going to use her grandpa's vacuum sealer and SHOW her what life in a vacuum feels like.

This:

"Have you ever noticed that even though you call me 'Lord' and 'King', I have never really acted in that capacity with you? I've never taken control of your choices or forced you to do anything, even when what you were about to do was destructive and hurtful to yourself and others."

"To force my will on you is exactly what love does not do. Genuine relationships are marked by submission even when your choices are not helpful or healthy"

A quote from "The Shack". I have been struggling to read this book for more than a year now. I keep giving it away and it keeps coming back to me. At some point, someone I gave the book to marked this passage in yellow. I see why. It's a note directly to me and directly to my conversation with the Pixie. She is growing and changing and "I" need to remember that love is submission. I've been working on "submitting with grace" to the man. It's been difficult and the idea of "ME" submitting to one of my kids REALLY goes against the grain of my pride. Submission = love. If God can do it for his kids, I suppose I can try and do it for mine. Pray for me dear stalkers because this is going to be a bumpy lesson indeed.

Day 281 - When is being Right Wrong?

2010-10-08T12:10:00.003-04:00

Today was a rough start. I got yelled at, admonished and corrected. I got misunderstood, misinterpreted and dismissed. Guess I had it coming? I mean I'm always talking about how you can't control someone else's actions only how you react to them. My reaction? Well I got mad. Do I feel that I had the right to get mad? Well yes, I do. But is that the point? Is it more important to me that I'm right or that my reaction hurt someone? Is being right always right?

NO, it's not.

I am sorry my anger hurt you. I am sorry that something I did and something I said caused you a moments pain. I'm not perfect. Far from it. But in the end I hope I always do right by you. In those times when I fail in that attempt? Well I ask only that you remember two things. Remember when I got it right and remember that I love you.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

forgiveness

red bags of awesomeness

weekends off

Fridays

being a carnivore

fall in the south

mist on sulfur pond. I hope those photos turned out.

one last city crawl with Wilbur *sniffles*

weekend plans with the cousins. I may not be looking forward to saying goodbye to Wilbur but I sure am excited about a weekend of fun with them! It's been months! *booty dances* Me + Tara + cameras + beautiful St. Augustine = Awesomeness personified. It's a good thing Dave and Jim get along cuz I get the feeling they will be ignored. Just a little

Day 280 - Crown of Thorns

2010-10-07T10:45:00.008-04:00

Not that long ago it used to be a priority of mine to keep God out of my blog. At first it was because he and I were on the outs and I simply didn't want to give him free publicity. Then, I was so angry at having fallen into his "trap" that I continued to boycott him. Then I went through the phase where I said "OK, I can mention him, but just a little and only using vague metaphors" Then there was the defensive posts where I would reiterate that just because I was now one of "them" I wasn't really one of THEM and I was going to stop putting so much God into my posts. Then I put God into my posts anyway and inevitably what would follow was a tirade about how I have not really changed and that I'm still a Liberal and I'm still pro-choice and Pro-Gay Marriage. Like somehow when you become a Christian some mystical thing happens and all your beliefs, standards and morals are swallowed up by the Holy Spirit and you become nothing more than a drone of Christ? Um, yeah, I was so freakin wrong it's laughable.

When I go back and see the path I've taken I'm appalled at some of the stuff I've written. I sounded like what I was, insecure and Defensive. I'm still insecure but I've now dropped my defenses and my pretenses. I'm freely stating that I am a fool for God. I am a Christian woman. I feel no need to proclaim my political alliance, my stance on any issue or apologize for the fact that God is now in nearly every post. I am what I am and what I am is property of him. And guess what else?

I'm OK with that.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

the Crown of Thorns. It's a beautiful plant and it spurred an awesome conversation between my Auntie and I. She spoke so sweetly of how her own prodigal daughter had such a way with plants and how, if she only had the money, she would build her a greenhouse. She spoke lovingly of how her youngest could make anything grow and how proud she was that she turned her life around. Even the Crown of Thorns. A plant native to warm, dry climates, now grows so beautifuly in RI, a world away from it's origins and so far removed from it's "Optimal growing conditions" it still blooms. Then she spoke about the crown of thorns worn by Christ. She pointed out how this plant, so beautiful on the surface, had such massive thorns. As she spoke her voice got soft and her eyes got shiny. It's a conversation that lasted 10 minutes at most, but one that I will store in my treasure box of memories forever.

being loved more than his mustang. Dude, that's epic.

nice owners. They are as rare as honest lawyers so when I find one, I remember to be grateful.

my job. I love my job in ways I had not anticipated loving any job outside of "Internationally acclaimed Rock Superstar"

God. Every day, in every way, I unabashedly worship him and I'm grateful for the opportunity to do it for eternity.

For Judy's latest update. God is good indeed.

Hi everybody! I apologize for not sending an update in a while, but there really hasn’t been any news. Today, however, I received some very good news – my CEA number, which went up to almost 11 back in May, is now down to 6.4! This is great progress and tells us that the chemo is again doing its job. We will hold off doing any scan since we are sure from the blood work that things are just where they should be right now. As long as I continue on the chemo, that number should continue to drop. I’ve been feeling well and the side effects are still quite tolerable, so we will not have to make any adjustments. Thanks so much for your continued prayers! Since school started, I’ve had two students out with strep throat and several others with various ailments. God has protected me from these things so far, and I’m looking forward to the end of our first quarter in just a couple of weeks. My parents will be visiting with us during the last week of October. We are looking forward to cooler temperatures and maybe some beautiful fall foliage in the mountains while they’re here. Psalm 63:7-8: Because you have been my help, therefore in the shadow of your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind you; your right hand upholds me.

Day 279 - Making Time

2010-10-06T13:58:00.005-04:00

"When you die, you leave behind people who can talk about you."

This is the kind'a stuff I think about when I'm laying awake at 2:00 AM. I started out thinking about the last set of photos, the one's from the graveyard Georgia took me to and how I wanted to edit them. From there I thought about how great my life was right now and how I've changed what people will say about me when I'm dead. I believe for the better.

3 years ago if you would have asked my husband to sum me up in one word, it could have been "Wife" if you'd have asked him what I do, it could have been "World of Warcraft" and if you would have asked him if he love me he would could have said "Yeah, sure I do". None of which is bad but it reflected something quite profound and painful to me. Now? Well I'm not sure but I'd like to think it's no longer flat and one dimensional. Perhaps "Life" "Live" and "Yes, THISSSSSSSSS much."

Yes, I've come a long way but I have a ways to go. I still need to learn to make time for what really matters. If you were to see my new schedule, you will see that I've made time to write book 2, to work out - OK, walk, to do my list, and to read my Bible but nowhere on that schedule will you see what really is most important to me. It's time for a new and updated schedule:

Way to freaking early when the alarm goes off: Say prayers

5:45AM kiss favorite human goodbye and try and talk him into playing hooky with me

6:00 - 7:00 AM shower, shave, pluck, scratch, brush teeth & hair, write book, kiss spawn goodbye and say "I love you, have a great day." or something to that effect.

7:AM - 8:AM commute to work, listen to Andy Stanly teach me what's important to God and remind me my days ARE numbered and to make them count.

Sometime between 7:00 AM and 3:45 PM send favorite human an "I love you" text or reply to one sent by said human. Talk to Lisa, email Mom being sure to tell each how much I love them. Track down Kelly if possible and tell her too. Also generate list

4:00-4:15 PM June will call and check in. Be sure to tell her too.

4:30-5:00 PM - commute home, no radio, listen for God and avoid letting other drivers make me do something stupid.

5:00PM - Whenever: Make dinner, eat dinner in the company of those I love and TALK to them. It's OK if mouth is full. Specially if it's for entertainment & grossing out.

5:00 - 5:05PM working out. OR 5:00-6:00 PM walking with Roy

6:00-8:00 PM - laptop, photo editing, Facebooking, blogging, Bible reading (Turn that damn thing off Beth! SHOW him he's your favorite. Don't make him guess)

8:00-10:00 PM High Quality face time and epic hand holding with my Favorite human. Oh, and any child wandering through in need of parental mocking, poking, and being goffered.

10:00 PM - 12:00 AM quality sleep

12:00 AM - Way to damn early when the alarm goes off AM intermittent sleep and random thoughts while listening to favorite human soar my favorite lullaby.

Yes, that looks nice. We'll see how this works for awhile. *nod nod*

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

schedules. They may mock me and give God a fit of the giggles, but they show me what I value and call me out when I get it wrong.

making time. What will they say about me when I'm gone? I don't know, but I hope it's "She made time matter"

my favorite human. He never said "you're not making time" he just continually tapped my mouse hand and then trained the dog to do it.

reprioritizing. Even in a life of gratitude and epic awesomeness, occasionally one needs to reprioritize.

Day 278 - Bible Camp C'est Fin

2010-10-05T11:00:00.012-04:00

Today's list is the last list I made while away and it is by far my favorite. I remember what I felt the day I wrote it. My heart was warm, my mind was at peace, my camera was full and I was on my way home to my slice of paradise.

Day 271 - I Found Amazing

I've been in an airport or plane since 10:00 AM. That's roughly 6 hours now. At the moment I'm cursing at 3,000 feet somewhere over Virginia. I've had surprisingly little time to think.

It's been an amazing 6 days but not in the way I expected when I left home. When I left home I thought I knew exactly how God was going to feed my soul. After all, I was going to Bible Camp right?

While the speaker was great and she hammered the nail and introduced me to Mary Everybody, she is not the one who made it so amazing.

I found amazing in the courage of my Aunties pain. I found it in Deb's quiet concern of her mother's harm. I found amazing in Nancy's concern for my other's nerves in the face of a brain bruise. I found it in Georgia's tears and her love of Connecticut.

I found amazing in the mist on a Civil War Graveyard. I found it in the sound of a hammer and nails. It resonated in a church bells chiming in a Connecticut afternoon. I found amazing once again in Paula's secret garden and a blooming Crown of Thorns. I found amazing in my Auntie saying to me "you're such a positive person Beth Ann, you don't even know."

I found amazing in my mom's "I want to try but I don't know how." And in her hand squeezes. 8 squeezes spelling out "I L O V E Y O U" I found amazing in bookends. Me the eldest, him the youngest. I found amazing in just how much he looks like him.

I found amazing in 2 airports, 4 planes, 6 days, 3 aunties, 12 cousins and yeah, Bible Camp too.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

finding amazing

family

cousins

texts from Georgia

mom home safe

flying home

smooth air

work tomorrow

my man tonight. Lord how I've missed him

2 year plans.

the end of paper and pen lists. My handwriting is atrocious and my hand is cramping. Boy I write a lot!

calling "Jump Seat!"

my day w/ Georgia. Yay, it's worth a repeat.

my 3 ghost guest writers who have not missed a beat, saved the day and showed me up. You guys rock. Thank you!

The very last Amazing thing before I left for home?

A family dinner.

Grandma & Grandpa w/ all 5 kids

The last time that happened?

I was too young to remember

The Lord smiled on us that night

Day 277 - Bible Camp Revisited Vol. 4

2010-10-04T21:16:00.000-04:00

Day 270 - We should'a been Best Friends

After a record setting short drive back from Bible Camp (I went 65MPH. That's my story and I'm sticking to it) I arrived at the home of my cousin Georgia & her husband John.

I want to write about the last 24 hours & how we stayed up way to late, how we laughed, how we shared, how we cried, but I think instead I will keep it safely locked in my heart. A shared and precious gift just between her and me.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

secrets shared.

Georgia. We were meant to be best friends for life. Better late than never.

love. My heart swells

quintesential Connecticut Adventures & photos to prove it.

church bells in the country

4 G's and BACON!

1103 photos

not getting stung

fall in Connecticut w/ Georgia

complete honesty

the last 6 days and returning home

an employeed Kelly! Goooo Kelly!!!

family dinners

DWTS & DVR

My man. Lord how I miss him

Mary Everybody & Bible Camp memories.

Day 276 - Hey, Guess What?

2010-10-03T16:49:00.001-04:00

I love Sundays!

Why?

Well, take This

Add these

And it gives you THIS!

Sorry, I interrupt your scheduled Bible Camp Review to bring to "Ode to Sunday" I know you guys don't know it, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE Sundays. It's the best day of the week. It's the golden clasp, it's the Capital letter, it's the ! in life.

We started a new year so I have a fresh batch of 4th graders. A small class this year which means I can do more, give more and have more. I miss my former batch of freaks and weirdos but they have not gone far. They simply moved next door so I get to see them in God's Garage where they pretend not to know me. Cuz, well, after all, it's not cool and sooo 4th grade to like "last years" issue. It's OK. I can love them from afar. This years just met Wilbur and learned about the alien hamster. They can't wait to meet him. Roy makes his debut soon. THAT should be fun.

It's also the first Sunday of the month so you know what that means? KIDSTUFF!!! *BOOTY DANCES*

Oh, and throw in Sunday brunch with the other mother, 15 bean soup simmering in the crock-pot, fresh baked oatmeal risen cookies, football, pool and Impact and you have a Sunday simply too good to ignore.

Sorry for the interruption. The regularly Scheduled "Bible Camp Review" will return tomorrow. For now I'm off to pry a cookie out of the man's hand before he eats them all.

Peace ~

Today I'm Grateful for:

Sundays. Just to be clear, it's my favorite day of the week.

perfect weather. It's October and guess what? I have ALL the windows open, ceiling fans on, I'm in shorts and I'm barefoot. Dude, that never gets old.

Kelly and her car. Twice today I've asked "Kelly, could you?" and she said "Sure!" That right there is awesomeness.

fresh air. These windows have not been open since April. Oh my stars and Chickens does it smell good in here! Fresh air + baking cookies = A-MAZING

family. Best part of Sunday Brunch? All the noise and laughter in the bat-cave.

Sunsets. Last night's was one of the most beautiful I remember in these parts.

Now, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my Sunday. Catch you on the flipside.

Day 275 - Bible Camp in Review Vol. 3

2010-10-02T20:19:00.000-04:00

Day 269 - Cousins, Crisis and Camp

Saturday afternoon I was happily engrossed in jewelry class. I was giggling merrily at my own little joke "I'm making an necklace for an atheist in Bible camp.....get it?" My cousin Debbie sits across from me smiling sweetly and pretending to find my lame joke funny when in rushes another of our cousins Donna. She shouts "Debbie, come quick, your mother fell!" "You better come too Beth Ann, it's bad"

Over the next 5 hours I raced on country roads behind an ambulance and I held my cousins hand. Her mother Nancy, also my cousin had fallen and struck her head on a HUGE rock so hard it bruised her brain.

While we waited for Doctors, Labs, CAT scans, & transportation to a larger, better equipped hospital we talked. We caught up on decades apart. We plotted secret parties, and we hugged. The best part of the night? I discovered the real reason I was here, in this moment in time. God said "Pssst, Beth Ann, You're welcome"

While I never want Nancy hurt again, I am blessed to have had a chance to spend time with them both. Deb is an awesome human and I'm blessed to have her in my family and I'm doubly blessed to know her a little better. In crisis comes blessing. Nancy is recovering nicely at home. 200 campers and staff is some mighty prayer indeed.

Speaking of staff. I mentioned racing to the hospital down country roads right? OK, so, I have a broken internal compass. I mean NO sense of direction AT ALL. My regular readers have laughed ~~at me~~ with me many times before over this fact. Now, Nancy and Deb are safely on their way via ambulance to Dartmouth Hospital and I am left to make my way back to camp. "Um, God, I'm REALLY going to need you here because I have NO idea how I'm going to do this."

It's now after 9AM and completely dark. I am at Spear Hospital in Plymouth NH and I need to get to Camp Berea in Hebron on the lake. Well God smiled on me. My mother had spoken to a beaded GPS angel named Jason. Jason came to my rescue. He was the voice on the line in the darkness. He tried to talk me in "He said, go right in the traffic circle." I said "Right? Traffic Circle? Oops." he said "Where are you now?" I said "I don't know" he said "tell me what you see" I said "a Storage place" he said "Pull over now, I'm coming to get you" and he did. Well past his quitting hour and way above the call of duty he came and got me and guided me back to camp. He was the seeing eye dog to this service animal and I am forever grateful.

Oh, you don't know about the service animal gag? Well, last year at camp, my mother (nearly blind) and my Auntie (VERY nearly blind) could not see their way to the bond fire. I had been playing pack mule for these two all weekend, now I was the seeing eye dog upgraded to "service animal" Well, these two picked up on that joke and played it ALL weekend. Only now, I have a service animal name. They have dubbed me "Lola" but at least I'm not alone. Deb is my fellow service animal and she dubbed herself "Stella" She did this because she wanted her mother to have to stand out on the porch and yell "STELLA!" See? I told you my cousin was cool :)

Love,

Lola

Woof ~

Today I'm grateful for:

Nancy being OK and safe at home.

Getting to know my cousin Deb better

being in the right place, at the right time, for the right reason

plotting surprises with a high Nancy. If you knew Nancy, this would make you snort your coffee

Love. It flows like water

Voice in the dark. Jason, you rock dude.

the doctors and staff of Spear Memorial Hospital. Nancy was in kind, capable, loving hands.

Deb Davies. She is my cousin, my family, my bunk mate. I love her to bits and pieces. I saw her in a crisis and she was a rock.

getting to Georgia's finally! Every. Single. Time. I try to get to Georgia's house I get lost and she has to come get me. NOT THIS TIME! *booty dances*

I managed to make it to the bond fire

Lola did her job with pride.

tonight was costume night.

don't my mom make the cutest bobby Soxer ever??

Nancy's the one with the camera

Day 274 - Bible Camp in Review Vol. 2

2010-10-01T21:08:00.001-04:00

Fall has come to the Northern Florida. I woke this morning to a slight chill in the air. I got to drive home last night with NO A/C! Dude, that's huge. Our fall lasts about a day and a half but while it's here, I LOVE it. No fall colors, just brilliant blue skies, light breezes though the palm trees, PERFECT beach walking weather and air light and breathable. Awesomeness.

Right, back to the review. I got all weepy reliving this day.

Day 268 - Nailed

When I arrived, before actually, I asked the Lord to let me "Get it" to let me become emotionally invested in what he wanted me to "get". I did.

This weekend's message is about beauty. The beauty within and the beauty in brokenness. The speaker told stories, quoted scripture and spoke eloquently about the good, the bad and the ugly. She gave a visual example of how our baggage can destroy us even while God has already saved us.

She spoke on freedom and the power of forgiveness. How in order to be free to do what God has planned, we must remove the baggage. We must forgive the past sins done to us and sins of our own creation. Intellectually I was with her. I relived recent moments in my life when I forgave and when I was forgiven. When I looked back I am astounded at where I stand today.

Then I thought of my mom. About the crushing weight of guilt, anger and remorse she carries. I see her small frame made smaller still by the sheer mass of it and I begin to cry.

Then the speaker asked us to write on a 3x5 card what we need to let go of. Someone or something or many things we need to forgive, be forgiven, forgive ourselves for. Anything that could stand between our open hearts and God's mission or Plan he has for us.

As "Amazing Grace" played softly and we were given time to think, I knew there was nothing left. Over the last 3 years I had dealt with most of my baggage and what I had left God and I were working out together. The last person I needed to forgive was myself. That is going to take a while longer but each day God heals that wound little by little.

So I decided my card had a better purpose. On it I wrote a wish for my mother. one word. Peace. Perhaps I should have written "Freedom" or "Release" but peace is what came to mind. In my heart I feel certain God can move her and heal her if she could just quiet the internal storm for a moment.

Then the speaker told us what the large wooden crosses on either side of the stage were for. She said "When Jesus uttered his last words they were "It is finished". Let it be finished. Don't let his sacrifice be for naught. Clinging to your baggage and fearing damnation is not what he had in mind. Let go, be free, fulfill his dream for you. Honor his sacrifice"

As she spoke a sound rang out in the large room. It was the most painful, earth shaking sound I'd ever heard. It was the sound of a nail being driven into a wooden cross. The sound echoed off the walls and pierced my heart. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I was helpless to stop them. One by one each of us nailed our white cards to the wooden cross.

With my mother behind me I hammered my card into the cross and as I did so "I" unclenched. A state of peace came over me like I've never felt before. I have not seen my mother since we left the cross but I have faith and I'm at peace.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

the sound of nails begin driven into the cross.

Day 273 - Bible Camp in Review Vol. 1

2010-09-30T10:56:00.008-04:00

OK, so how do I follow that? 3 ~~ghost~~ guest writers extraordinaire? You don't even try. You simply say a gracious thank you and continue on.

Thank you Guys. You were amazing.

<-----Look at what I've done to myself!

Right so, it's time for me to stop with this paper and pen stuff. THANK YOU LORD! ~~YOU~~ I'm lucky you guys never had to read this mess. You've never had to read my handwriting or decipher my creative spelling. SERIOUSLY why don't sheet paper come with spellcheck? Can you geeks out there get to work on that? I want to take my paper lists and transcribe them day by day into my blog. Problem is......I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS SAYING! ARRRRRG!

Anyway, over the next few days I will be working like a NSA cryptographer. Once the code has been broken I'll repost it with some photos. I was going to do one GIANT post but mom says "OH Beth Ann, don't do that. It will be overwhelming." and you know I always listen to my Momma. *raises eyebrow in warning to my children*

So, today I will post Day 267 also known as day 2 of 6.

Peace ~

Day 267 - Safety in Numbers

We are 9 strong. 9 women of God. 9 women seeking. 9 women who made it to this place in this time safely. Ready to seek, ready to listen, open to joy and ready to share a moment.

There is safety in numbers. We are 9: Nancy, Bonnie, Lynda, Beth Ann, Deb, Roxanne, Tammy, Linda, Donna.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

9 women. Some family, some friends turned family, all happy to be here.

being in the "younger" cabin. I'm the eldest of the Jr.s but hey, "I" have the M&M's

remembering

Bible Camp

Fall colors. They are pale and just beginning but it's enough.

coolness in the cabin. Dude, IT'S HOT in NH! What the heck???? We could go swimming!! At least we got the cabin on the water and with the windows open and the fan on, there is coolness. Let me apologize in advance to my bunk mates for my sleeping attire. Consider this your only warning.

light on the water. Newfound lake is wearing her sunset finest.

Peace.

a new to me purse from Auntie. This thing is awesome! Yes, yes, I know, I'm supposed to be all about God and the Bible and worship, but dude, this thing is amazing! It's like the clown car of purses. Stuff keeps going in and there's ALWAYS room for more! All my purse items, all my camera bag items INCLUDING THE CAMERA. In fact, 2 cameras. With pockets, and pouches, and key bobs and strings and it's a back pack! Throw it over one shoulder for every day, throw it on the back for photo crawling. Total, radical, purse awesomeness. And the fact that it came from my favorite Auntie just takes it to a whole new level. I think it started out as a "loan". Guess I should have warned her I steal things. It's OK, we are in Bible came. I can pray for forgiveness, she can pray for my rehabilitation.

******

Dubbed the "Silver Bullet" she carried us safely

I have no idea what these two were doing,

but any time someone this age

can get a leg up that high, it's worth noting.

This was a HUGE source of amusement for me

6 pairs of shoes for Bible came

BWAHAHAHAHA

Sorry mom, it's STILL funny.

9 woman all needing blankets, pillows

towels, soap, and SHOES =

a LOT to pack

I'm neater at camp than I am at home

Go figure

I just had'ta put this in.

PJ's in public just screams

"Mock me!"

Now that she's 900 mile away,

well, yeah, I bet I'm still grounded.

We are 9

Deb the wise and strong

Donna of the beautiful laugh

Roxanne the fearless

Tammy the Calm. She adopted us last year.

Nancy the Prayer Warrior

Linda the Brave. She adopted us this year.

She is brave or insane.

Bonnie the Open

Lynda the Awesome

Day 272

2010-09-29T20:03:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's Wednesday already! That means that I, George, have been entrusted with the task of completing a gratitude list for my friend Beth while she enjoys some time off for bible study and reflection. Since I am used to using the internet for emails and as a liberal pulpit, the idea of actually writing something like this down really hadn't occurred to me before having met Beth. It's not as difficult as I thought but not as easy as many might think!

My list for today:

A Break in the Weather- we've had rain for two days, and expect ALOT in the next 24 hours. Why we couldn't get some of this during the Summer I just don't know. At any rate, we got a break here, with some intermittent sunshine thrown in for good measure. This allowed me to get in nearly 13 miles on the bicycle today.

My Bike- boy I enjoy riding my bike. Always did as a kid, and I find I love it just as much now. The higher quality equipment available today makes putting on the miles easier than ever. I probably mentioned it in the last post I made, but I'm still grateful that I have it so I'm mentioning it again!

Dunkin Donuts Iced Mocha- okay, YOU tell me what's better than a large with cream & sugar? Yeah I know it's 400 calories but that's why I ride my bike everywhere I can! The location on New Fall Rd near Penn Valley Rd makes them the best. I think they might be one of the few locations that doesn't skimp on the ingredients. They also know what to make as soon as we come through the door. Hmmm, maybe I'm in there too often....

My Guitar- I hadn't been practicing as much as I'd like for quite some time. This week I have probably spent more quality time with my axe than in the previous several weeks, trying to work in vocals while doing so. I believe I may spend some more time this evening, and perhaps even treat her to new strings and a nice polishing. Shes been neglected for awhile, poor thing.

Having A Spare PC- I am writing on my "old" desktop, because I evidently somehow didn't notice my anti-virus had expired. Last night, something took over and displayed porn thumbnails on my desktop, and wouldn't allow my browser to open so I could download antivirus. I just switched the towers and will give it to my brother to fix. Today, I double checked the antivirus on my laptop and ran Spybot on it too.

Bucks County Bicycle- I could go on and on about these guys. They take care of walk ins immediately. I purchased a five year service/tune-up plan for my bike. I can go as often as I like or need to go and basic maintenance and adjustments are free. Today while riding at the park my rear derailleur started to act up, so I made the all-uphill ride to the shop, where he put the bike on the stand and adjusted the stretched cable. Much like the guitar strings I'll be installing tonight, new cables on bike stretch, and evidently I'm doing enough riding that this plan will pay for itself in the first year.

My Buddys- no particular reason, but today I reflected on how I liked the group of guys I hang around with. They won't see this so I can continue to bust on them and act miserable! I don't think any of them would hesitate to help in any way they could, if they could, any of the others in the group. Isn't that the definition of a friend?

My Wife- Oh yes I know she was a point in Sunday's list, but Beth does it all the time so I can too! This sentiment comes as a result of her making us get the better grill instead of the cheapie I had planned on buying a few summers ago when we moved in. I had the most tender juicy chicken tonight. I can cook just about anything you can think of, and if I've cooked it before I can make it to your specifications, with ease, on this grill. Thanks Terry! That reminds me that I better get the cover on it and take the umbrella down before this alleged storm hits.

My Trainer- James kicks my butt pretty good two or three time a week depending on scheduling issues. WHAT!? You have a trainer?! Listen, it sounds expensive but here's the scoop: My insurance pay $150 towards the gym membership, which is about $275/yr. My trainer costs me less than an average smoker spends on cigarettes in a year based on 1 pack a day. I figure I'm really not spending a whole lot of money on a much healthier activity. At any rate I digress. I've lost the weight and keep it off. James has worked my body to where I'm stronger and in better shape than when I was an athlete in high school. He mixes up the routines and cuts no slack. I told him I wanted to compete in my age category by this time next year, so we are working towards that goal. The guy knows how to get results.

That's pretty much it for me. I am not a particularly spiritual person so I have no words of inspiration to pass along. I am glad to have had this opportunity to contribute to Beth's endeavor and hope I did not disappoint too greatly. All I can add is I hope that everyone who reads this has a happy and prosperous life in whatever your pursuits are, or your definition of prosperity. Peace.

Day 271 - The healing power of gratitude.

2010-09-28T15:12:00.001-04:00

^"8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things. ⁹ Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you." Phil 4:8-9

Just read yesterday's blog by Sarah for encouragement and found another "God print", for me about what my post today should be. Have enjoyed and been blessed by both Sarah and George's posts. (Thank you fellow friends of Beth. I'm humbled and grateful to join you in this adventure.) In Sarah's last paragraph, she says -

"My hope is that you make the decision to live NOW--not in the past and not in the future. Time flies, even when you're not having fun, so do your best to make the best of every moment. Tell someone you love that you are thankful for them. Be specific about what it is that you appreciate about them. You may never have the chance to tell them again. "

Well, there are many ways that God spoke to my heart about what I should post for 1 of the 2 days I get to actively participate in Beth's adventure in gratitude. But, I'll admit I was again wavering, until I read that. For those who don't know. The Church at Argyle's founding Pastor, Ken Dyal went home to be with the Lord at the age of 57, on April 20, 2010. He knew he was loved by his family, friends and church and most importantly he knew and loved his Savior, Jesus Christ. What is written below is from my personal journal, written on May 11, 2010. I have been praying about sharing it and believe this is the where and when God led me to. I share it praying God uses it to bring healing as only He can to any heart who reads it, as He continues to heal mine.

Today I'm grateful for :

Pastor Ken

~The surest way God heals our hearts, especially in grief, is through gratitude. When we can find our way to being grateful for the one we grieve, and remember all the blessings and take time to thank God instead of being angry and bitter at Him for all we miss. The beautiful thing about Pastor Ken was, he knew this and since he did, he lived his life for Christ, giving all who knew him so much to be grateful for.

Here is my list of things I'm grateful for about Pastor Ken -

Pastor Ken listened. He listened to the Lord and listened to all of us who came to him to talk, cry, pray, yell, laugh, grieve, rejoice, ask and receive Christ.

Pastor Ken cared. He wanted to -

know every name and every need,

visit every home and hospital room,

rejoice in every salvation, baptism and dedication,

comfort every hurt or loss and

congratulate and encourage every achievement, graduation, recovery and win!

Pastor Ken loved. He loved the Lord with all he had. He loved his family with his whole heart and being. He loved his church and gave his time and shared his wisdom and God's word with honesty and humility.

Pastor Ken laughed. He laughed with you, at himself and about the hard stuff. I miss his laugh. It was genuine and made you feel better no matter how bad things got.

Pastor Ken cried. he cried and we cried with him because we knew his emotion was real. He cried with joy, with pain, in peace and in praise to a God he knew, loved and trusted from a lifetime of relationship with Him.

Pastor Ken led. He led by example, with courage, with no ego, with wisdom, love and patience and with quiet confidence. He walked the walk, admitted his mistakes, gave and accepted grace and forgiveness.

Pastor Ken served. He served the Lord faithfully and without fear. Okay, I'm sure he was afraid sometimes but he made it look so easy. He understood that serving and obeying Christ is a heart thing. He said so all the time and knew that telling us about Jesus was not enough but showing us by him serving us instead of us serving him said it all.

Thank you God for Pastor Ken. Thank you for his life. Thank you for bringing me to this church and for the honor and privilege of being on his staff and serving you with him. Let me never forget him, let me protect and honor his memory by using all the days you give me to honor, love and praise You! ~

Mrs. Becky, this is for you. I am so very grateful for you too. For being such a beautiful example of a wife and mother and woman of God. For your strength, courage, kindness and love that gives me hope and strengthens my faith. I love you, Amy.

Day 270 - Slowing Down

2010-09-27T21:09:00.000-04:00

Hello! Sarah here again. I'm a night blogger and Beth is a morning blogger, so you'll have to pardon the lateness of my posting. I'm honored that Beth trusts me to do some guest writing for her.

Sooooo...this may be TMI, but I had a stomach virus this past weekend (yes, my family is too good about sharing). I've been thinking today about how being sick has given me the opportunity to slow down. I am normally a moving/doing type of person, so being sick throws a massive wrench into my well-laid plans. It's made me have to sit and let my body go through the natural process of expelling germs and toxins. I'm often incredibly impatient, but for some reason this weekend I just decided to let things happen and to relax and heal instead of stressing about what I wasn't doing.

Sometimes little illnesses like this are a blessing in disguise. They are your body's way (and sometimes God's way) of telling you to slow down and to quiet yourself. I need to be reminded to rest and take care of myself, so once the bad part of the tummy bug cleared up, I took a day for myself--watching football, having lunch and hanging out drinking coffee with friends, and then watching more football. It was a great day and I found myself feeling renewed and refreshed...especially because my team won (GO, STEELERS!).

So today I'm grateful for...

Chillin' out. I am learning to live in a state of rest. It's a hard thing for me to do, but I firmly believe that it's God's desire for us to cease striving and to be still, no matter the circumstances that are swirling around us.

Learning. I think that you can't really be a good teacher unless you're willing to keep learning. So in the past couple of years, I have begun to open myself to learning--about myself, about other people, about life and about God. Learning includes failure, and (believe me) I've become welll-accustomed to it. God loves me anyway, though, and so do the people I care about most.

Lasagna. There are healing properties in comfort food.

My husband. He is a HARD worker. After being laid off for two and a half months, he got a 6-week job that started two weeks ago (truthfully, I was bummed about him getting a job). He's working the night shift doing pipe fitting at a power plant. There are hundreds of thousands of people who rely on this power plant, so when they have to have a shutdown to fix the plumbing and fit new pipes, it's a big deal. He drives to work an hour and a half, works 10 hours overnight and then drives back home for another hour and a half. He doesn't complain. He puts his nose to the grindstone and does what needs to be done. He's the type of man who gets requested on lots of different job sites just because of his attitude and his work ethic. I'm proud to be the wife of a hard working man. He's a man of integrity and he believes in doing whatever he needs to do to take care of his family.

My bickering kids. I know that someday when they're grown, I will miss their little piddly fights and I'll miss hearing their voices. I try to live in the moment because I know my time with my little boys is going to go too quickly. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. God has blessed me with two wonderful kids, and (no matter how often they fight) I love them more than my own life. I'm so grateful for all the things God has taught me about seeing life with childlike eyes.

My hope is that you make the decision to live NOW--not in the past and not in the future. Time flies, even when you're not having fun, so do your best to make the best of every moment. Tell someone you love that you are thankful for them. Be specific about what it is that you appreciate about them. You may never have the chance to tell them again.

Day 269

2010-09-26T21:37:00.000-04:00

I am humbled to have been entrusted with the responsibility of two days in Beth's journal. I'm not quite sure what I've done to deserve it, but I will do my best to keep with the spirit of her usual posts. I'm George, an electrician from the Philly area.

Today I am grateful for:

The wife. Terry puts up with a lot of baggage and lets it slide off like she is Teflon. She doesn't bat an eye when I have a room full of guys with guitars and amplifiers and microphones, and she's a mighty good cook too!

Sunday Afternoons in the fall. I share a Sunday plan for the Phillies with my youngest brother for every home Sunday game. This time of year we not only get to enjoy baseball but we have the added joy of the NFL season starting, really getting this sports junkie going. Did I mention how much stuff my wife puts up with?

The sound of the crickets in the woods out back. The birds & cicadas during the day as well....the 3 o clock church bells doing a hymn (St Joes), and depending on the day and wind, Pennsbury's marching band during a practice or on Friday night a game. Just a few things I've always enjoyed hearing here....

Good Neighbors. We are lucky with great neighbors for the most part. Today my next door neighbor Dennis drooped by with some smoked turkey that he'd made. He's been smoking stuff (meats! sheesh..)ever since I moved in here, and when he didn't come in last place at the big community day competing against experienced teams he decided he was going to get serious. He bought a new smoker, and a van to haul the equipment in. I am in the fortunate position to eat all his leftover practice food. Get practicing Dennis!

My bike. I didn't get a ride in today as I slept in this morning. Thank goodness for the extra Jenny Craig from the week at the shore! Anyway, much like Beth i enjoy riding my bike. The big difference is that I just recently got back into riding. It was something I loved as a kid and tried to do as an adult ( but 60+ lbs heavier than I am now) but now that I've gotten my weight under control I thought I'd give it another try. I went to Bucks County Bikes and got a bike that fit me and my needs and ride regularly at the park, as well as just short jaunts to the gym etc. I had forgotten just how much fun it is.

I am new at this, so that's all I have for now. I wish everyone a safe and happy remainder of your weekends and look forward to my next post!

Day 268 - My first day as a ghost blogger

2010-09-25T08:37:00.002-04:00

This is Amy, or Mrs. Amy as Beth so sweetly refers to me. So....here I am on Beth's blog. Kind of intimidating, humbling, and exciting all at the same time. (giggles nervously) I'm going to do my best here Beth. I have a God print for what He had already prepared from my heart for my second try as your ghost blogger but for this first one I'm writing "off the cuff", with just prayer and a genuine desire to be real and not let you down.

I love your blog and just love you Beth Reed with your gifted, unique and brilliant eye for the beauty around you, and your way with honest words that shares that beauty so that it translates in any language to the universe! I even got "jiggy wid it" and inserted one of your photos from our church. Wasn't sure I could figure it out but you give good instructions and the fact that this blog is linked to your picasa pics site is so helpful!! So my focus of gratitude here is for my church and the fact that God lets me be there and meet wonderful, talented, honest and real friends like you!

There are lots of good pics from the Argyle Family Picnic but this one is of someone else at our church I'm grateful for. I purposely picked the one where he's looking away from the camera because he's not one to seek attention or appreciation, so maybe he's not ready to be famous. His name is Mr. Tommy. We are blessed with a church full of kind, giving, serving, loving, welcoming, followers of Christ. Mr. Tommy stands out to me because he is the kind of giver that does like the Bible says and gives in secret. Since I have witnessed first hand that he does this out of the goodness of his heart that loves serving the Lord and not for recognition I won't go into every job, mission trip or kindness I know of and everything that he has built, fixed and wired for our church, I'll just focus on the fact that he does this, with no fanfare, no expectation of plaque's or parties, he does it because that's the man that he is. When he does anything, he does it right, not half way. I want to be more like him and pray that my boys grow up possessing this gift of humbly giving their best of whatever they have when God presents a need.

Today I'm grateful for:

Sweet sleepy heads - I'm using my youngest son's computer to post this and it is in his room. Even this early on a Saturday, when he has to get up before the sun M-F now that he is in jr. high, he hears my typing, asks me sweetly what I'm doing and then rolls over and goes back to sleep. I'm so blessed with my boys, they were sweet babies and they are sweet preteen/teenage boys for the most part. It only gets sweeter from here I'm sure. (if I'm wrong, please don't burst my happy little bubble)

New opportunities to see old friends - Today my family is having lunch with an old friend and her family. We have known each other since we were neighbors at the age of about 3 years old. We've lost touch since highschool but through our golf coach, who became and is still like my second father, we connected again. Don't know what God's plan is for the long term, but for today, I'm grateful to get to see her again and remember days gone by, find out what her life is like now, and meet her beautiful family.

My parents - they live across the street from me and just knowing they are there and a part of my every day life and support is so amazing. My Dad is 80, walks every day and is always checking in to see how he can help and encourage me. My Mom gives me pots with beautiful plants in them (cuz she has about 4 green thumbs to my zero) that make my front walk look pretty and even comes over to water them when I forget. They are the ones who taught me how precious the giving thing is because they have loved me everyday of my 4o something years like that, with their whole heart, just because they get to.

My handsome husband - He's hot, hardworking, so ridiculously smart, is an honest lawyer (yes that is true and possible) is an honest and faithful husband, is a Dad that hugs his boys, is a man so he aggravates me to no end and he's mine.

Okay, there's more but I'll stop now because I want to feed my sweet sleepy heads and look nice for my lunch date. Love you Beth and pray you are having an incredible and inspired time at "camp" with your Mom. You are missed!

Day 267 - Being Beth's Ghost

2010-09-24T09:45:00.004-04:00

I'm Sarah. I have never been a ghost writer OR a guest writer, but I'm honored to do it a couple of times for Beth while she is away. I admire the fact that she wants to continue this journey and keep to her goal of 365 days of gratitude, despite the fact that...well...she's not here. :) She is one of the people who helped inspire me to begin my OWN gratitude journey. Though the way we go about it is a little different, our focus is the same--to really, truly grasp that every moment and every situation, good or bad, is a chance to be thankful.

So today, I'm grateful for...

Food poisoning. Yes, you read it correctly. I HATE that my youngest son and my husband are sick, but they are alive and recovering. When a member of my family is really sick like this, it gives me an opportunity to think about what I would do if I ever lost them. That makes me all the more grateful for their presence in my life. My family means the world to me, even when they drive me crazy. :)

Sunrise. After a long night of sleeping on the family room floor with my puking 4-year-old, seeing the sunrise was a reminder that every day is a new mercy. I need to be reminded sometimes that, even though it's not a do-over, every morning is a chance to fix myself on the goal of living a life of gratitude. I hate to say it, but I don't always start out my days that way. *sheepishly hides eyes* Oops.

True friends. 'Nuff said.

My in-laws. I know people who have horror stories about their in-laws and about arguing and control and passive-aggression. I have the blessing of saying that my in-laws are lovely people. They are simple people who don't put on airs. They aren't condescending. They aren't rude or self-absorbed. When they are visiting, they are always ready to help. AND they laugh at my jokes, which endears them to me all the more. (People don't always laugh at my jokes...shocking, I know.)

Thinking things through. I'm often a "jump-the-gun" kind of person, but lately I've been taking more time to think things through before I say them or do them. Maybe I'm maturing a little, I don't know. I hope I am. I'm normally a reactor rather than a responder, so I am trying to focus on responding deliberately rather than rashly, as I'm prone to do. *again, sheepishly hides eyes* Oops.

Faith. I have seen miracles in my lifetime--big ones, at that--but it's the faith for the small things that I find I need most. I'm grateful that God is always with me to build my faith, and to show me that he's with me for the long haul.

I hope that today you can open the eyes of your heart to see the miracles in your life. I hope you grab on to the people you love the most and hold them tight. If you've started off the day badly, I hope that you take this moment as an opportunity to press the "Reset" button, take a deep breath and start again from a place of gratitude. Every moment is a gift, even though it's hard to remember that sometimes.

Sarah Colligan
http://hatchingofaheart.blogspot.com/

Day 266 - Fly Away

2010-09-23T17:33:00.000-04:00

OK, so I'm a blond. I asked my ghost writers to do my list from Friday - Wednesday and not Thursday to Tuesday. I'm a very lucky blogger that I have access to my Uncle Charlie's laptop and I had my paper list all typed up. *sighs* Yes my beloved stalkers, I am a dork.

Today I stared @ 4:10AM. I kinda think yesterday ninja'd it's way into today. Sleep was elusive and fleeting.

Good news? I flew 1200 miles miles & it was uneventful. No drama, no hang-ups in security, no carry-on issues and no walk of shame.

And to top off the days blessings? A gift from my mom. THE most awesome, only made for me gift ever! Sparkly gold Mickey flip flops!

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

safe travels.

made to order gifts.

sparkle flip flops

Paula's magic garden. I'm back in shutterbug heaven.

perfect weather

red and yellow leaves. They are JUST turning but it's enough

Kelly & June. They are stepping up and playing mom. My man will be well fed and entertained.

being missed.

Day 265 - Gettin Ghostly Whit it

2010-09-22T10:01:00.007-04:00

Happy Good Morning My Loyal Stalkers:

Just wanted to let you know that for the next 6 days the list is going ghostly. 3 wonderful, generous people have offered their time, their effort and their words to keep the list going. Today we are 100 days from the end of the year and thanks to them, we just may make it. They are simply wonderful and I know the list is in far superior hands than mine with them at the helm.

Sarah Fish Colligan I've "known" for *guesses* 4 years? I met her in sand box of lovely kittens. She is a fellow gratitude seeker, a photographer, a Godly woman and a friend. Though I've never met her I could think of few others that understand just what this list means to me and how it's changed my life.

Amy Geiger That's right folks THE Ms. Amy herself! Director of Children's Ministries at the Church at Argyle. The ever supportive, ever sunny, ever lovely Ms. Amy of the huge Heart and member of my fav. 5. When God whispered to me "Ghost Writers" Ms. Amy is who came to mind first. She is stepping out of her comfort zone to do this for me. She said yes because I asked. I can't wait to see what God leads her to do.

George Bruck he and his wife adopted me during my Pirate days. He is my political doppelganger. He writes what's in my head much better than I can. He will balance out the ladies quite nicely. He understands the list and gives it a male perspective. I'm looking forward to seeing what he has in store. I ~~hope~~ know the list will give him what it gives me. It's magic don't'cha know. Oh, and his wife Terry is hot. I'm just sayin...

Starting tomorrow and for 6 days the list is gettin Ghostly Whit It. My only concern is that I may not be able to follow what they lay down. Stand by my dear stalkers for you are in for an interesting ride.

See you in 6 days

xoxox

Beth

Today I'm grateful for:

ghost writers. Have I said thank you to you guys yet? THANK YOU!!

friends.

leaning into God and setting it free. After all, it's not about me.

Bible camp and Godly women. Throw in a little fall and it's going to be an extraordinarily good time.

my man. He said "Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you're cookin dinner?" That's right ladies, that's MY man. I'm leaving thing 1 and thing 2 in charge of him while I'm gone. Not that I don't trust you or anything....

fall. The only thing I miss in my slice of paradise.

Southern Nights. What can I say, it just makes me happy when I hear it. And livin them ain't bad either.

I leave you in good hands.

Peace ~

Day 264 - To List or Not to List? That is the Question

2010-09-21T12:43:00.003-04:00

You can tell they are sisters. They LOOK so much alike.

All I can say is "Looks are deceiving"

I'm doing what I normally do prior to a trip. I obsess about what to pack without actually packing anything until the last possible minute. Now, some things go without saying. My camera is always packed and ready to go. Before such essentials as underwear and deodorant, the camera is ready. But what my brain chooses to obsess about at 2AM is the laptop.

I want to carry on. I have a very tight connecting flight at BWI and simply do not have time to retrieve my bag from the carousel of hell. So, this means 2 bags only. Not 3. And my purse counts as one, my suitcase as 2 and my laptop case as 3. See my problem? Without the laptop I can't do my list. The truth is, I may not be able to do my list WITH the laptop. Camp Berea may not have wireless. It is a CAMP after all.

As of tomorrow I will have gone 265 out of 365 days of my little "365 adventure" without missing a single day. But what's this trip all about? It's about growing my relationship with God and with these women who share my family tree. It's not about a laptop or a list. BUT my list keeps me grounded and forces me, at least for a few moments a day, to look past the minor inconveniences of life, the one that can be blown up to look all encompassing, and see that my day was good. Yes, even on days when Atholes! invade.

So, my choice is to leave the laptop safely at home with the hubby who would LOVE to have it all to himself for a few days OR take up valuable suitcase space in load it in there. To let go of the list for just a few days and trust, that if I am meant to post, God can handle Internet access.

It's a no-brainer really. As Ms. Amy would say "If he could party the red sea, is a little bread and a quail really a big deal?" This weekend is about God and women. Not about the list. My list will be in my heart but I will live it and not write it. I will see if I can find someone to ghost write for me for a few days. If not, I'll simply lean into God and believe.

Peace ~

Today I'm grateful for:

not listing but believing.

ghost writers and their new perspectives. I can't wait to see what they come up with. I'm setting it free. At least for 6 days.

the anticipation of fall. Mom said weather is 70° in the day and 50° at night with rain forecast for all 4 days. This thrills me to no end. It's the perfect fall weather. With luck a few trees will have started to turn and I can get some typical touristy type of shots. 4 days of fall is just perfect. Leaves me wanting more but quites the bite to my craving. Sitting here in my sunny Florida office I can almost smell the wood burning in the fireplace and taste the strong hot coffee. *sighs*

good company. If I have to leave my little slice of paradise and my favorite human, at least it's to be in the company of extraordinary women.

God. He whispered, I listened. We will see what he's got cooking.

jalapeno Pringles. I fell off the wagon again. *looks ashamed* Don't judge me to harshly. They sang the sirens call and lured me in.

resisting the urge. No, no, not about the Pringles. I caved like a house of cards. But on this one? No. I believe.